


Difficult to Know

by thisgirlsays22



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canon Era, Eren aged up slightly, In Universe AU, M/M, Manga Spoilers, Pining, Reincarnation, Romance, Slow Burn, Surfer Eren, canonverse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-09
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2018-12-25 20:48:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 55,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12043995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisgirlsays22/pseuds/thisgirlsays22
Summary: A new side effect of the Titan power emerges, and Eren awakens in another life. One very different from his own.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I tweaked a couple things in the timeline, including aging Eren up a tad. But it mainly diverges from canon after the uprising arc. Beware manga spoilers!
> 
> Feedback is always so appreciated, and I hope you enjoy <3

The first time it happened, Eren felt as though he was enveloped in fog. It wasn’t like the other visions he’d had when in Titan form. Those had been memories – of his parents, Mikasa, Armin. Life before Wall Maria was breached. This time was most certainly not carved from memory.

After he’d been cut out of his Titan, after he’d returned to consciousness, he could only recall in hazy drips and drabs the odd house he’d found himself in. Walking into a room filled with unfamiliar devices and the sounds of people arguing. And Levi was there. He’d fiddled around with a rectangular object in his hand and the voices had stopped.

Levi turned to him, arched an eyebrow and said, “I thought you must’ve fallen asleep in there, Eren. I started watching again without you.”

Eren blinked at him wordlessly. His mouth felt thick. He didn’t understand what Levi was talking about, and the blurry edge to everything was making his head spin.

With a sigh, Levi said, “Fine. I’m sorry. We can rewind it.” He didn’t sound too happy, and Eren still had no idea what he meant, and the last thing he remembered was taking a seat next to Levi before waking up in his bed, in his own room.

There had been past occasions when Levi had been there when he awoke, but that hadn’t happened in some time. He hadn’t seen much of Levi lately. The Captain seemed to be attending endless meetings with Erwin and sometimes Hanji at the capital. Occasionally Levi’s squad accompanied them, but even then Eren rarely had more than a few minutes to talk to Levi alone.

He’d thought, perhaps naively, that Levi would have found time to stop by the impromptu birthday party his friends had thrown him the last time they were all stationed at Mitras. Historia had even made an appearance.

Eren’s seventeenth birthday had been a few weeks ago while they’d been patrolling the walls and scouting strategic locations for the new weaponry the Survey Corps was developing. So his friends had held the birthday gathering for him when they returned, bringing various treats from town. It was a shockingly high quality assortment of foods they’d collected, and Eren suspected that Historia may have had a hand. Levi must have given them permission to host it on top of one of the towers, but it hadn’t occurred to Eren until afterwards that this had likely been the case.

Eren allowed himself a minute or two of deep self-pity until he forced himself up, head aching.  

That evening, he managed to sequester himself away with Armin and Mikasa and a deck of cards. It was a miracle they’d shaken the rest of their friends – Jean seemed to always be hovering lately, though Eren was no longer sure if the cause of that was Armin or Mikasa.

Between rounds, Eren finally asked, “Mikasa, you were there today during my training sessions with Hanji, weren’t you?” They’d all taken to calling the experiments ‘training sessions’ since, aside from improving Eren’s hardening abilities, Hanji’s goals for Eren were longer periods of time in control of his Titan and an increase in the time he could hold his Titan form. However, this training often involved experimentation, so Eren wasn’t fully on board with the new terminology. He kept quiet since everyone else seemed pleased with the euphemism.  

She nodded. “Of course.” The only time Mikasa seemed willing to leave was when the Captain was present.

“Did anything seem…different to you about me today?”

Armin was looking at him curiously now. Mikasa stopped shuffling the cards and scrutinized Eren too. “No. Why?”

Eren plucked the cards from her hands and began to shuffle them himself. He was feeling fidgety now with their attention on him. “I don’t really know how to describe it. There’ve been times before that I’ve had intense dreams or memories, but yesterday was different.”

Saying it out loud, he suddenly felt very stupid. So what if the dream had contained strange and unfamiliar things? Levi had been there, after all. He was strange but certainly familiar.

The devices could have just been inspired by Hanji’s research projects, which Eren frequently caught glimpses of during his time working with her. He often spent hours on end with Hanji, and she didn’t seem too concerned with Eren’s exposure to the ‘top secret’ work she and her team were conducting under the new government’s approval.  

Armin placed a hand on Eren’s arm, prompting him to meet his gaze. “Hanji has always been clear that any detail you have about your experiences as a Titan are important. It would be unwise to dismiss this is a dream if you have any inkling it was something more.”

He had never broached the subject of his affections for the Captain with his friends beyond his painfully obvious admiration. Jean almost always hissed a resentful, “Kiss-ass” at Eren when Levi left the room. Still, this dream felt like a revelation for as blurry as it was, there was one thing he recalled clearly: the casual way Levi had spoken to him implied intimacy.

There was also the matter that Eren hadn’t fully understood much of what Levi had said to him, but that seemed less important than the fact he’d been alone with him there in the first place.    

“It didn’t feel like a dream, not exactly. And it was exhausting.” Eren tried to explain. “My head hurt when I was in it, and for a little while after I woke up too.”

“So you haven’t told Hanji about it yet?”

Eren shook his head. “I don’t know if there’s anything to tell her yet. That’s kind of what I’m trying to figure out with you guys.”

“Well, what exactly happened?” Mikasa asked.

“I was in a weird house with…machines I didn’t recognize. The whole thing didn’t make any sense.”

Mikasa and Armin exchanged a look. “That was it?” Mikasa asked.

Eren nodded.

“You should wait to tell Hanji until you have something more concrete. See if it even happens again,” Armin advised.

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” Eren felt stupid. He’d fully intended on telling his friends everything, but the strange rawness he felt when he thought of Levi held him back. Armin’s advice was good despite Eren’s omission. There really was no use in discussing this with Hanji until he had something worth saying.  

 

 

The dreams persisted, sharper each time – brief and fleeting snapshots, but clearer nonetheless. In one, he was in a park with Mikasa. Her hair was longer, and her clothes were unusual. Actually, everyone’s clothes looked pretty unusual, but Mikasa was wearing bright colors and smiling a lot, and the effect was perplexing. She was talking about how wonderful Jean was while eating a sandwich. She kept telling Eren to eat more. It was incredibly surreal.

In another, he was alone in the same house he kept finding himself in. He was so tired he just lay on the couch until the dream ended soon after, glad no one else had appeared this time.    

The fifth time was the clearest, so clear it didn’t feel as if he were dreaming at all this time. Eren was standing in the doorway of the kitchen. Levi was chopping an onion as he spoke. Music was playing quietly, and Eren couldn’t figure out where the sound was coming from.

“You’re going to have to decide soon.”

Unlike the other times, Eren was shocked to find he could speak. “Decide what, sir?”

Levi put down the knife and looked up at him strangely. “What?” They stared at each other, and Levi pinched his fingers over the bridge of his nose. “Oh. You don’t need to be a shit. I’m not ordering you around here, I’m just stating the facts. Registration closes soon, and you need to have the deposit ready.”

“Okay.” It seemed like the correct thing to say in reply to dream Levi’s nonsensical instructions. Maybe this all was Eren’s subconscious trying to work something out. His suspicions about Jean’s interest in one of his friends (solved: it was Mikasa), he was tired all the time lately (solved: couches were great for naps), Mikasa’s opinion on picnics (solved: apparently, she liked them.) Eren was probably trying to convey a deep, metaphorical message about the Titans to himself, and Levi was simply the conduit.

“What? Just like that?”

“Yes.” He bit back the reflexive ‘sir’ since Levi hadn’t seemed to like when he’d called him that.

A deep scowl remained on Levi’s face as he dropped the onions into a pan. He stalked towards Eren, voice flat. “After all this arguing, you’re just saying yes? You’re going to let me pay the deposit?”

Eren remained quiet. Very quiet. Levi seemed furious with Eren, but he tugged his head down and kissed him soundly. This dream was wonderful. This dream was the greatest dream he’d ever had in his life. He kissed Levi back with abandon, nipping at his lips, letting his hands roam everywhere.

Maybe there was no deep, metaphorical information to be gleaned about the Titans. All along, maybe this was just an extremely vivid way for Eren to make out with Levi. Eren could live with that.

Instinctively, Eren tried to hide his arousal from Levi, shifting his hips away from him, though it was his dream, he didn’t have to feel self conscious in the slightest. Levi only pulled him closer. Eren was moaning into Levi’s mouth as he unzipped Eren’s pants, sliding his hand down Eren’s length when the dream ended.


	2. Chapter 2

When Eren woke it was still dark, the first hints of daylight just starting to crack open the sky, reddish-pink streaks breaking through. He’d been asleep for a long time. His limbs were heavy, still clinging to sleep.

Eren dragged himself up, tugged on his clothes, and ventured outside. The air was cool, and the grounds were damp with morning dew. He was thinking about the way Levi cooked, the way it might feel to walk into a room knowing he’d be there. He was thinking about the last time he’d spent time with Levi, made him laugh. As though he’d summoned him through the sheer strength of his longing, Eren saw him ahead, stretching in the grass.

His heart pounded. It had only been a dream. Vivid, but untrue. He thought briefly of heading the other way, scared Levi would see everything written on his face, but once they locked eyes, he walked towards Levi as if in a trance.  

“You’re finally awake,” Levi said flatly. “I told Jean and Armin to handle your chores this morning in case you weren’t. We tried waking you yesterday.”

“Ah. Thank you, sir…Wait, what do you mean you tried to wake me yesterday?”

“That’s it. You’ve summed it up beautifully,” Levi replied drily.  

Eren cracked a smile, though he felt uneasy. “How long was I asleep for?”

“A day and a half, give or take. Your friends will be eager for you to repay their kindness.” After particularly gruelling training, Levi took pity on him and reassigned his morning duties. Eren always had to make up for it, especially when Jean was the one who’d been stuck picking up his slack, but the gesture moved him.

Eren must have looked very worried because Levi said kindly, “It was obvious you weren’t dead. The doctor said you just needed rest. We kept an eye on you.”

It would only be later that this scrutiny, coupled with the content of the dream, would cause Eren a greater deal of concern.  

“Come on,” Levi said, “I was about to go for a run. You can join me if you’re up to it.”

Eren wasn’t sure he was, still feeling sluggish, but he nodded anyway. They started off at a slow, even pace. This was clearly for Eren’s benefit, and he was grateful.   

“How was your birthday?” Levi asked him after awhile.

The question surprised Eren. He hadn’t been resentful (not exactly) that Levi hadn’t attended, and he certainly didn’t expect Levi to mention his absence. Eren had quickly tamped down the childish feeling of being slighted. He knew Levi well enough to understand he wasn’t the type to come out of politeness or a sense of obligation. Not when he’d been so busy. Despite that understanding, Eren had still missed Levi, a low, thrumming ache in his chest. 

He kept any trace of petulance out of his voice, but it came out colder than he’d intended. “It was nice. Sasha and Connie brought a cake.”

Levi didn’t seem bothered by Eren’s tone. “Did you like it?” he pressed.

“It was great.” He smiled thinking of how good the chocolate cake had been. So good that Sasha had tried to keep most of it for herself. “Sasha kept telling me what a fine and popular establishment it came from.”

“I know,” Levi said, “I recommended the bakery.”

Warmth spread through Eren. He relaxed now. “You should have reaped the rewards, in that case.”

Levi smiled over at Eren but didn’t offer more.

They jogged side by side, Eren peppering Levi with questions – Erwin’s political manoeuvring, how Historia was doing in her new role, whether the Captain had finally found a café to his liking.  

Levi answered, but seemed distracted. Eren had the sense something more was on his mind. It wasn’t until they were nearly back where they’d started that Levi slowed his pace. “Eren,” he said finally, “If you can manage not to do anything too stupid in the meantime…Maybe for your birthday next year…” Levi sighed, and Eren stopped running – his heart seemed to stop too. But Levi kept on ahead.   

Eren stared after him, imagining every possibility before he resumed his run. The sweet morning breeze was cool against his flushed cheeks.

 

 

 

This time Eren was alone in his dream. He was in the room from that first time with Levi. Though he wondered where Levi was and wished he was there, at least now he could look around freely. If this really was a dream, it was odd that everything was in almost the same place as last time.

Without the fog obscuring his gaze, he could see there were portraits on some of the shelves alongside all the books. As he got closer, he realized they weren’t portraits at all. At least not like ones he had ever seen before. They were alarmingly real.

One caught Eren’s eye straight away, and he gripped it tightly, not believing what he saw. Squad Levi. They were all there. Levi was at the center of a table surrounded by Gunther, Erd, Petra, Oluo. Erwin, Hanji and Eren were there too. Everyone, including Levi, was smiling.

On the shelf below, Eren spotted an image with himself, Armin and Mikasa. They were by a large body of water holding things that looked like misshapen, brightly colored boards, tight black material clinging to their bodies, and Eren realized he was barely breathing. Could that be the sea behind them? It was just as Armin had described.

What was all this?

Most of the books had been meticulously arranged, alphabetically. One shelf was arranged by color, though, and on it were two photos: the first of Eren, Mikasa, and Levi. Mikasa was wearing a wedding dress, Eren and Levi suits. Mikasa was in the middle, beaming, an arm wrapped around each.

The second was of Eren and Levi. Levi’s tie was undone now, but they were wearing the same suits. They sat side by side in chairs along a wall, Eren’s head resting on Levi’s shoulder. Levi frowned down at Eren as he slumbered.

At this point, Eren didn’t know which picture was more perplexing or terrifying or wonderful.    

He went and sat on the couch, running a finger along the image of himself and Levi, until he felt a sharp, tugging sensation. He didn’t fight against it. When he woke, his heart was frozen in an odd and dazzling mix of confusion, happiness and fear.  

 

 

 

He finally told Hanji about his dreams after seeing the incredible portraits. There didn’t seem to be any harm, especially since he’d avoided any scandalous behaviour this time. As Eren had hoped and feared, Hanji was fascinated and let Eren spare – almost – no detail. 

“So this has been happening during nearly all of your training sessions?”

“Yes.”

“And when did it start?” She sounded like a doctor, furiously taking notes as Eren spoke. She’d excused herself to get a notebook and pen once she realized things were getting interesting. That’s when Eren knew he wouldn’t be having dinner for a very long time.

“About a month ago.”

She stopped her note taking, and looked up at him sharply. “Why did you wait so long to tell me, Eren! You should have said something immediately.”

“I didn’t think there was anything worth telling at first. I’m still not sure,” Eren said helplessly.

Hanji had a wild glint in her eyes. “Of course it’s worth telling. It could be an insight into Titan psychology, or something else entirely. Now that these dreams are clear and you have control in them, there’s so much more we can do.”  

Eren gulped. He was about to ask her for specifics when something caught Hanji’s attention behind Eren.

“Heya, Levi!” Hanji called, spotting the Captain as he walked towards them on the field. “Fantastic timing! Eren was just telling me the most interesting thing. He’s been holding out on us!” Hanji wasn’t just being generous with her enthusiasm. It was nice, in a way, that she was so delighted by what had been happening. Even if it was just odd stories conjured by his imagination as Armin had theorised when he’d updated his friends. Eren was doubtful. Truth be told, he didn’t really have much of an imagination. The way Levi kissed him had been beyond anything he could have made up of his own accord.

Levi listened patiently as Hanji relayed the information to him, her hands gesticulating wildly. Eren was embarrassed. It sounded even more absurd now as he imagined what Levi must be thinking. 

When Hanji was finished, Levi said blandly, “I’m sure you two will have a lot of fun tackling this together. It sounds like one hell of an adventure.”

Hanji ignored him. “Levi, you were there! In the flesh  _and_  in the mysterious portraits Eren saw.”

“So were you.”

“Only in one portrait!” So, Hanji was put out by this. Eren suspected as much when he’d first told her about the images. He left out how his head had been on Levi’s shoulder, but had otherwise described the pictures as best he could. “Besides Mikasa, you’re the only one Eren has spoken to.”

Eren had chosen what he said about his…interactions with Levi very carefully and after many hours of deep thought. He’d purposefully left things vague and uninteresting when it came to Levi’s involvement.

Eren pretended he wasn’t interested in Levi’s reaction, staring off into the distance distractedly.

“As soon as one of you can tell me how we can use this ‘ability’ to retake Wall Maria, I’m all ears. Until then, I fail to see how this matters. I doubt my onion chopping techniques will be of much use.”

Okay. Eren might have been a little bit miffed that Levi was being so very… _Levi_ about it. Surely it was his job as Captain to gather all the information. There was still so much they didn’t understand about the Titans; this could be important.

Eren caught Levi on his morning run the next day and said as much.  

“Hearing about other people’s dreams is incredibly dull, Eren. It’s nothing personal,” he explained, looking at Eren as though this were painfully obvious. It was, but Levi was supposed to understand that this was different, to trust Eren when he said this was something more.

“They’re not regular dreams, Captain. And Hanji has a plan,” Eren told him, as though this might pique his interest.

It didn’t. “I’m sure she does.”

Eren pressed on, “First, I’m going to try to get in touch with the Hanji in that world and see if I can tell her about this one.”

“And?”

“…And then we’ll have opened the lines of communication.” Even Eren now felt underwhelmed by the plan. It had seemed thrilling when Hanji and Armin had cooked it up together the night before, the air crackling with energy. Hanji had been delighted to enlist Armin (and Mikasa, though she fell somewhere between Levi and Armin on the interest spectrum) in her scheming.

Levi snorted. “Well, you’ve got it all figured out. I wish you the best of luck. In the meantime, I hope you’re also not going to go overboard. You have plenty of work as it is, learning to control your hardening abilities. I don’t need you bleeding everywhere again.”

Eren was touched that under the sharp words lay genuine concern. Of course, he wasn’t going to say as much. He sighed dramatically, “Oh, Captain, you always make me feel so special. The way you have with words is magnificent.” The first time Eren had made a remark like this to Levi, he’d received a look of such shock that it was Eren who’d been unable to keep a straight face. Now, though, Levi’s lips were twitching. He kept looking straight ahead pointedly as he ran. 

Eren still hadn’t told Levi the second part of the plan if he did manage to find Hanji. “I’m also going to ask about the Titan shifters. If we’re all there, maybe they’re there too. It seems like…the best way to find something useful out.”  

Levi grumbled, “I suppose that’s as good a plan as any. But you don’t have to keep trying to get me on board with this. I’m sure once Erwin returns, he’ll be supportive.”

Eren wanted Levi to be on board, but there wasn’t much use in pushing the topic.

Levi was still being a little moody, but had clearly warmed a bit in the wake of Eren’s teasing. By the end of their run, Eren had elicited a promise that they would go to the bakery together the next time they were in Mitras. Levi only seemed a little put out by this, and Eren thought it was mostly for show anyway.

Eren had slowly learned that Levi was surprisingly flexible about letting him push boundaries when they were alone. He was lax about Eren slyly poking fun at him, or cajoling him into a game of chess or drinking tea together in the evening. The trouble lately had been that Levi was too busy for all that.

Another possibility had also been circling Eren’s head, buzzing around him like a fly. Levi could be avoiding him. Perhaps since that night after he'd been rescued...Eren swatted the thought away, heat rushing to his face.

He hoped Levi meant it when he said they would go to the bakery together. Eren was going to buy him something nice, a thank you for pointing Sasha and Connie in the right direction – Levi had mentioned he liked the tarts they served, made with whatever fruit was in season. Apples were Levi’s favourite, but it was only spring. Perhaps if they went in the summer, there would be peaches. He liked those too.

 

 

 

They had a follow-up meeting that night in Hanji’s lab. The next day Eren would be training again, and they needed to finalize their plans. Mikasa was there reluctantly and only on the condition there was no more discussion of Jean. This mainly consisted of Eren wearily sighing, “I think you married horseface.”

Armin was bright-eyed, happy to have stepped into Erwin’s role as strategist while he was away. Levi was there, too. Hanji must have coerced him into coming because Eren certainly hadn’t extended the invitation. What a peculiar team they made.

Everyone settled in: Levi and Mikasa leaning against the walls opposite one another, arms folded, while Hanji, Armin and Eren sat cross-legged on the floor.

“Eren, from what you’ve told me so far, your dreams have been very brief. You’ll need to learn to stay in them for longer and control them. If this one is similar to your other abilities, we should be able to increase your stamina with practice.”

“You don’t need to make it sound so dirty, Hanji,” Levi said.

Armin and Eren were annoyed at the interruption, while Mikasa smirked. It was obvious who was taking this seriously.

“You’re the one who took it that way, Levi,” Hanji said cheerfully, unperturbed. “Anyway Eren, is there anything you remember happening right before you wake up? Any indication that the dream is coming to an end?”

Hanji seemed to have effectively silenced Levi, and Eren was delighted. He said, “I remember at least one of the times I could feel something…a tugging sensation. Here actually.” He rubbed at the nape of his neck.

At once, they all had the same realization. Hanji whooped. “Additional evidence! I’ll add this to the list.” She thrummed her fingers against the floor, thinking. “This is good. Very good. Now Eren, do you think you can try to fight that sensation next time?”

“I’ll do my best,” Eren promised. “What should I do if I manage to find one of the other shifters?” They had discussed a few potential outcomes the night before. This Titan ability might be unique to Eren, or the other shifters might both possess the same power and a deeper understanding of it. If the latter was true, Eren needed to learn what information their selves in the other world had.

“Tread carefully. Find out what you can about them, but don’t make contact yet,” Hanji answered.

Armin added, “Our Annie is the likeliest to be there at the same time as you, Eren. It’s possible she’s been there all along while she’s been in her crystal.”  

“Great hypothesis, Armin,” Hanji said approvingly. “But this ability seems tied to Eren's transformations. It could be that Annie has been out of her Titan form for too long. Bertolt and Reiner could be transforming more frequently if they possess this ability.”

“Even if they aren’t there at the same time as me, maybe the other Bertolt and Reiner will know something useful.” Eren didn’t know what happened to his other self when he took over his body, if he woke up and remembered anything that had happened. He hadn’t really thought about it until now, and he felt ashamed.

Hanji agreed, “That’s true, Eren. There’s so much more we need to understand. Tomorrow our work begins!”

They fine-tuned exactly what Eren would say to Hanji and Levi if he could speak to both of them together, what he would do if he could find only one of them, and what kind of reconnaissance work he could do if he found himself alone again.

Everyone had suggestions for that scenario:

Armin: “You can still practice maintaining your presence there for longer periods of time.”

Hanji: “See if you can use any of the gadgets!”

Mikasa: “Eat a sandwich. Have a picnic.”

Levi: “Take a shit there.”

Eren had expected this behaviour from Levi, but Mikasa! He was appalled that she’d decided to display her sense of humor now. He glared at her, and she gave him a tiny smile in return.

Hanji would’ve been happy to carry on long into the night, ignoring everyone’s pointed yawns. Luckily, Levi finally adjourned the meeting.

 

 

 

After telling Armin and Mikasa to head back without him, Eren hung back with Levi. “I’m sorry you were dragged into this.”

Levi looked at Eren oddly. “I wasn’t dragging into this. I came of my own accord. Hanji keeps me informed about all the progress of your Titan abilities. Sometimes too informed.” He frowned. “I’m not going to pretend I think this is going to go anywhere, but right now it’s not causing any harm. I could be wrong, anyway. I’ve never pretended to have all the answers.”

Now Eren was entirely confused. One second Levi seemed like he would have no part in this, yet now he was saying he’d joined them tonight of his own accord. “But you didn’t meet with us last night! And you said earlier that you’re not interested in –” 

“I didn’t come last night because I had paperwork that needed doing. And I’m not interested in hearing every tiny detail, no. Not unless it’s relevant and actionable. Keep me informed, but for god’s sake, don’t force me to listen to you describe portraits one by one.”

Eren couldn’t help it; he blurted out, “But what about your squad?” Levi had barely batted an eye when Hanji had relayed what Eren had seen. They’d all been so happy _._ Didn’t it matter?

Levi’s eyes softened infinitesimally, but it was enough to flip Eren’s heart over and over. Levi rested a hand on his shoulder, and Eren met his eyes. “So you dreamed you saw a picture of them. Tell me what it’s supposed to mean to me.”

This gave Eren pause. It felt like so much more than a dream, but what proof did he have? How could he describe to Levi the joy that had flooded through his body, the relief, that somewhere out there they were happy. They were  _alive._ How content Levi had looked among his comrades. How could he have expected Levi to simply accept this was true?

“You’re right. I can’t tell you what it’s supposed to mean to you. But I’ll find a way to prove to you it’s real.” Eren might have been talking about destroying every last Titan for how determined he felt. He had quite the herculean task ahead of him: two Levis to convince.  

Levi gave Eren’s shoulder a quick squeeze before he dropped his hand, his eyes still lingering on Eren’s. He was so close Eren could smell him; Eren’s whole body was hot, longing to press against Levi. Now that he’d gotten a taste for what it was like, his desire was cavernous. 

They walked back together in companionable silence. If Eren only could prove it to him, prove it was all real, maybe he’d have the courage to tell him:  _I think we live together. I think you cook for us. I think I fall asleep on you at parties. I think I make you angry. I think I make you happy._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are always very appreciated :) 
> 
> And if tumblr's your thing, you can find me here: https://omglevixeren.tumblr.com/


	3. Chapter 3

Eren woke in the most comfortable bed he had ever laid in. It defied his expectations of what a bed was and could be. He rolled around indulgently for a moment or two, then resolutely picked himself up to go and look for Levi.

As he went to leave the room he caught sight of himself in a mirror and started. It hadn’t occurred to him before that he would look like anything other than _himself._ The portraits he’d seen had been similar enough. It was different, though, seeing his body reflected back like this.

The Eren looking back at him was older – much the same, but his features were a bit sharper, his muscles still lean but more defined. People had told Eren he was handsome, but he’d never really considered it before now. He didn’t exactly have a lot of time or reason to regularly stop and gaze at his reflection.

 _Wow,_ was all he thought.

After his brief and rare interlude of self-indulgence, he had a look around the rest of the house. Levi clearly wasn’t home, so Eren wandered about freely, poking and prodding at a few of the mysterious objects, making mental notes of things he might want to relay to the others. He was nervous yet excited at the possibility of talking to the Levi and Hanji here. Beyond his own conviction that something of great importance was happening, he had no compelling evidence to demonstrate that this was a worthwhile endeavor. This could bring him one step closer to finding something useful to bring back to his comrades.

In the kitchen there were glass doors leading out to a small garden with high, wooden fences. When Eren stood, he could just see over them into the neighboring gardens. It was beautiful outside, full of plants and flowers he'd never seen before. He sat at the small table, just outside the glass doors, and wondered if perhaps he could find something like this is in his own world beyond the Walls. It was a marvel, this incomprehensible, peaceful life the other Levi and Eren appeared to lead.

He heard some commotion, coming distantly from the other side of the house. A minute or so later, the glass doors slid open behind him, and Levi stepped outside.

“You’re here!” Eren exclaimed. He jumped to his feet, and Levi looked bemused.

“Yes, here I am. Please, don’t offer to help,” he said, glancing down to the bagged groceries in his arms.

“I...Sorry, of course I can help,” he said to appease Levi. “But then I really need to speak to Hanji, if possible. I don’t have much time.”

Levi peered at Eren, thoroughly bemused. “Are you asking for my permission? You have her number. And what do you mean ‘I don’t have much time’? Are you off to save the world?”   

Eren looked blankly at Levi. Realization and worry flashed through Levi’s face. Slowly, Levi put down the bags and walked towards Eren. “I think it’s happening to you again. Can you tell me what’s going on?”

Eren was more nervous than ever. He answered weakly, “I’m not sure how to explain it to you.”

“Please try,” Levi said, looking alarmed. “You don’t remember anything after you come out of one of these spells.”

Eren and Hanji had discussed how he might explain the situation to their counterparts. He was supposed to act as nondescript as possible until he was able to speak to Hanji but had immediately failed in that regard. He didn’t know the rules of this world, let alone which one he’d broken to give him away so quickly.

He said as carefully as possible, “I’m not the Eren you know.”

Levi’s eyes narrowed. “Okay. When else were you not the Eren I know?”

Eren told him about the other times, and Levi nodded slowly, frowning. “So exactly who are you then?”

“I’m still _me_ …just from a different…place.” he said, glancing around him. Different indeed. “I think we should get Hanji here before I tell you more. My Hanji thinks it’s very important she be here.”

Levi sighed, looking increasingly worried. “Fine. That certainly sounds like Hanji. Let me just…I’ll be right back.” He disappeared into another room, and Eren heard him speaking, but the words were muffled. When Levi returned a few minutes later he said, “She’s on her way. It’ll take about thirty minutes or so.”

“How do you know that?” Eren asked with amazement.

“I called her.”

Eren hadn’t heard Levi shout Hanji’s name, and he couldn’t think how that would have helped.

“Do you…do you not know what a phone is?” Levi sounded baffled. Eren had never heard that tone from him before.

“I don’t really know what anything here is to be honest,” Eren replied.

Levi stared at him. Finally, he said calmly, “I need to bring in the rest of the groceries. When I come back, I’ll explain.”

Eren followed him back into the house, but before he could go out the front door, Levi put up a hand. “Just stay here,” he said.  

Eren did as he was told, but once Levi was done bringing in the rest of the bags, he let Eren trail him to the kitchen. He watched in awe as Levi unpacked all kinds of foods. There was so much of it, even royal family members rarely ate in such abundance. Most of it was going into what appeared to be some type of icebox. 

When Levi was finished putting the food away, and (after he’d explained what a refrigerator was) he started picking up or pointing at various things, asking if Eren knew what they were. His questions were met with dumbfounded silence. Eren’s head spun as Levi tried to explain phones, television, the radio. He told him about the portraits too, explaining they were photographs.

“That’s all real?” Eren blurted out. He made Levi talk him through each one.

Yes, that’s the ocean. Those are surfboards. You work at a store that sells them and you give surfing lessons. I can’t believe I have to explain what surfing is to you. Mikasa is good enough to compete. No, you’re not. Those are my college friends, they’re all fine, thank you – why do you keep asking me that? Jesus, I have to explain what college is too? They all live a couple hours away except for Hanji. Yes, Erwin too.

That’s us at Mikasa’s wedding. Who’s horseface? Oh, I see what you mean. Yeah, she’s married to him. Why do you look so outraged? He’s one of your best friends. You fell asleep at the wedding because you have no manners or social grace.

We’ve been together five years. It’s a long story.

Eren felt he’d barely scratched the surface and was still brimming with questions when Hanji arrived.

While this Levi was identical to Eren’s, Hanji’s glasses were different, thicker, and her hair was shorter. She was still undeniably Hanji, though. Eren could feel the energy of the house change as soon as she entered – more frantic and charged. The familiarity was comforting.

Levi announced without ceremony, “I think Eren might have amnesia. I’ve spent the better part of an hour telling him what everything in the house is and our fucking life stories.”

Hanji was nonplussed. She said cheerfully, “Well that’s not much time at all for life stories. You must still have a lot more ground to cover!” Levi made a sound in response that could have been agreement or annoyance. "Anyway, amnesia's an interesting theory, but I thought he told you he wasn't the Eren we knew." 

"I know what he told me." Levi scowled. "But it doesn't make any sense."

Eren cleared his throat, annoyed they were talking about him as if he wasn't there.

“You’re in luck,” Levi said to Eren before turning to Hanji, “You might be a scientist by day, but by night you’re a real hack.”

“Levi, taking an interest in the supernatural does not make me a hack,” Hanji replied sternly. "We should listen to what Eren has to say." 

Eren had been dreading another tug at the nape of his neck that would wrench him away from this world. Instead, his head suddenly started to pound. It started behind his eyes and pushed outward in all directions. He thought he could hear someone shouting and then, as quickly as it had started, it stopped.

He shook his head, focussed, then realized Levi and Hanji were both staring at him, expectedly.

So he gave the speech he’d rehearsed. He told them about the Titans, about the Survey Corps, his abilities. Hanji looked fascinated; her mouth was agape and she had barely blinked throughout. Levi’s eyes had widened – Eren could’ve sworn he saw terror in them.

“I know you probably don’t believe me, but please,” Eren finished. “I think maybe there’s a reason I’m coming here, something that can help us.”

“We’ll do what we can to help,” Hanji said kindly, putting a hand on Eren’s shoulder. Levi remained silent.

Eren asked for a pen and paper, and when Levi brought them he wrote down the names of the other shifters. “Please, if you know any of these people or have a way to find them…I think that could be a great help.”

Hanji took the paper and said, “I don’t recognize any of them, but I’ll see what I can do.”

Eren thanked them both, though Levi hadn’t looked at the paper. He was still silent, deep in thought.

“Hanji!” Eren added abruptly. “There was something my Hanji wanted me to ask you if I had the chance.” He paused, embarrassed at the question Hanji had privately asked him to pose, unsure how to phrase it unobtrusively. He tried to ease into it, “Do you – do you know Moblit?”

He was about to apologize when Hanji looked puzzled, but she said, “Well, yes. We’re married. Are we not where you come from?”

Well, that had certainly answered the question he was going to ask next. Eren shook his head. “You were very close, though.”

“Were?”

Eren flinched. He hadn’t thought ahead to how this would go. “Moblit…he died saving your life. In my world, I mean.”

“Oh,” Hanji murmured, now subdued and sad. “Oh how horrible. _Moblit_.”

Eren now regretted what he’d said. He’d made Hanji unhappy. “I’m sorry for upsetting you.”

"No, Eren. This is all very interesting. I have so many questions.” It was a relief that this Hanji seemed so similar to his. She added, “If you wouldn’t mind...I’d like to learn more about your world.”

Eren nodded. “I’d like to talk to the others, too, if possible. I’ll try to come back here at the same time a week from now.” It was unclear if time worked the same way here, but his Hanji had suggested this would be the best way to find out.

Levi cut in, “Like who?”

“Everyone in your…photographs.”

Levi scoffed, “There is no way we’re bringing ‘everyone’ into this.”

Eren was taken aback. “Why?” he demanded.

“Because they’ll probably think you’ve lost your mind. It’s a good thing Hanji will believe anything.”   

Eren was about to respond when he felt the tug at the base of his neck, like a leash yanking him back. He asked Levi, a little desperately, “Do _you_ believe me?” Eren needed at least one Levi to believe him.

Levi shrugged. “I want to,” he said evasively. “Better than thinking something in you has snapped."

Eren thought that was all he had to say, but then Levi asked, "And what about the me you know? Does he believe you?”

“No. Not yet. We’re not…you and I aren’t like this in my world.” He gestured between them vaguely. Five _years._ Five years together. It hurt too much to even allow himself to imagine what that might feel like.

The sadness that took over Levi’s face shook Eren to his core. “Maybe this is real then. It would make more sense.”

“What do you mean?”

“I love you, Eren,” he said. “I can’t think of any good reason why you would’ve invented a world where I didn’t. There’s something else, though, Eren. When I was – ”  

Eren didn’t get to hear the rest of what Levi was trying to tell him. When he woke he realized with a start that his pillow was wet, that he’d been crying.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read this and leave comments! It means so much. This story is both super fun and super tough to write, so the feedback thus far has been incredibly helpful. Please keep it coming :) 
> 
> I've messed with the timelines for Hanji and Moblit as well and had him die earlier than we see in the manga. I know, I'm out of control. 
> 
> Next chapter will have our first POV shift, so I'm pretty pumped to share that with you soon.


	4. Chapter 4

When the intruder left his body, Eren doubled over as the feeling rushed back through his limbs. His skin tingled everywhere, his knees were weak. It was like he’d come unplugged and had to reboot his entire system.

It had been disorienting when he’d come back the times before, but this time he was sharper, angry even. This was the first time he’d retained some awareness in the darkness, had tried to rail against it. In that consuming darkness, he’d seen monsters. Twisted, enormous humans, devouring people, bones crunching between teeth, blood flying from their mouths. One with a terrible, monstrous smile.

And among all of the images was the figure of a man, cloak billowing in the wind. Eren saw an emblem of wings. Somehow he knew before the man turned that it was Levi, and Eren’s heart sang out to him - a separate, tender heart that was both his own and a stranger’s.

Now Levi had an arm around his shoulder, steadying him, even as Eren vomited on the floor in front of them. Hanji darted out of the room, shouting that she would get towels, while Levi helped Eren to the couch. He was obviously fighting hard to hide his disgust, and Eren was grateful.

Those were _memories_ Eren had experienced, which he could feel deep down in his bones. The déjà vu was like nothing he’d known before. Faces - some he knew, some he didn’t - had flashed through his mind like playing cards cascading from one hand to another, so quickly he couldn’t hold them all at once. He stared up at the ceiling, feeling distinctly like there was now a chunk of himself absent. What if it hadn’t been an intruder, but a missing, terrible piece of himself all along? He closed his eyes and took a few steadying breaths. His heart stopped racing as he got his emotions under control.

“ _Eren_.” Levi shook his shoulder, gently but firmly. “Say something. Are you alright?”

Hanji returned, holding a bucket of cleaning supplies in one hand and a glass of water in the other.

“I’m fine,” Eren said, shifting his gaze back up to the ceiling as though more memories might appear there. He took the glass of water gratefully. “Thanks, Hanj. But I think we all might need something stronger than this.”

Levi laughed, seeming relieved. “Maybe give it an hour.”

After a couple of minutes and many more deep breaths, Eren finished his water and thanked Hanji again. When Levi was done cleaning the floor, he sat down at the end of the couch, resting Eren’s legs on his lap.

“Do you remember anything this time?” Levi asked, obviously expecting the answer to still be no.

“Sort of,” Eren answered slowly. “I was there for some of it this time. I could see you all, but it felt like you were far away, blurry. I tried to shout for you, and then I wasn’t here anymore. But I saw things this time.”

“What kind of things?” Hanji asked.

He told them what he’d seen, and they confirmed it was what had been described to them by the intruder.

Hanji was the first to speak. “I’ve heard a similar story before.”

Eren glanced over at Levi, expecting a scoff or an eye roll, but his face was blank.

“It was a long time ago when I learned about it. While I was studying mythology during my undergrad years. But I remember stories of men and women who could turn into terrible monsters called Titans. They were said to have held great power before their age came to an end.”

Eren felt Levi go rigid. He reached out to take his hand and Levi startled, as if he’d forgotten Eren was there.

After a moment, Levi said, “Didn’t you drop that class?”

Hanji looked uncomfortable. “Yes. I’m surprised you remember that.”

“You were always taking as many classes as possible. We all noticed when you dropped one.”

Her voice was quiet. “I started having nightmares after we learned about the Titans. They were so vivid, like nothing I’d experienced before. Moblit and I thought it must be due to stress, so I dropped the class. It was an elective anyway.”

“This doesn’t make any sense.” Eren rubbed his face with his free hand, the other still clutching Levi’s. He remembered flashes of pain, the feeling of his body constricting and contorting into an unfamiliar shape. “He comes here, talking about these obscure myths, but why? Why does it feel real to me? Who is he? What does any of it have to do with me?”

“He said he was _you_.” Levi moved Eren’s legs and stood, walked over to the shelf and picked up one of the picture frames. “I had to explain what a fucking photograph was to him, and then I had to tell him about each and every one. I can’t think of anyone besides you who would give so much of a shit about Jean’s photography.”

Eren felt a surge of fondness at how put upon Levi sounded. He laughed a little, the tension in his chest giving way just a bit. “Hey,” he said weakly, “don’t let Jean hear you saying that. It’s my best kept secret.”

They were all quiet for a minute as they thought.

Finally Eren asked, “Hanji, do you still have any of those books about the Titans?”   

“No. But I think we know someone who might be able to find them for us.”

Levi snorted as Eren said, “You’re always looking for an excuse to see Armin, aren’t you?”

Hanji grinned, “What can I say? The guy gets me.”

Levi’s and Eren’s friends didn’t mingle much, but since Hanji and Moblit had moved closer, Hanji had really taken a shine to Armin. Eren suspected they hosted Armin for dinner and game nights without them. Once he had indignantly broached the subject with Levi, who only raised an eyebrow in response. “Do _you_ want to play Pandemic with them all night again?” Probably not. Eren always got impatient when the games lasted too long and would focus all of his energy on annoying Levi instead.

Hanji was right to think of Armin. Though he’d only been a librarian at the university for a couple years, he seemed to have a deeper knowledge of the archives than any other member of staff. It wouldn’t be a surprise if he knew about the myth of the Titans already.

Eren was feeling more himself again, his other self’s memories fading like a sunspot behind his eyelids. “So what happens now? I mean he could just come back at any point. What if I’m driving or surfing or something?”

“He said he was going to come back in a week, but who knows if he can be so precise,” Hanji said.

“We could babyproof him next time he’s here,” Levi suggested snappishly. “Teach him basic safety. I think before then you should avoid any risky activities.”

Eren waited until Hanji left the room to grab a drink before resting a hand on Levi’s thigh and asking in a serious tone, “So what exactly counts as a risky activity?”

“Don’t,” Levi warned.

This only encouraged Eren who hurriedly whispered, “You _did_ already make out with him, and you said he enjoyed it. So he’d probably love it if when he came back I was riding you, and – “

Hanji returned with a can of soda (courtesy of Eren, Levi never drank them), and Eren removed his hand and sat up straight. Levi shot Eren the most perfect look, full of heat and irritation. Eren smiled back warmly.

Hanji looked between them knowingly and said, “Listen, I need to head off, but before I forget, here.” She handed over a piece of paper. “He came here looking for three people.”

Eren froze when he read the names on the page. “What the hell does he want with Annie?”

 

 

 

Levi put another mug of tea down in front of Eren and cupped his own in his hands as he took a seat next to Eren on the couch. Hanji had left a few hours prior, but they hadn’t been able to drop the subject.

“You don’t think he wants to hurt Annie, though, right?”

“I don’t know. He seems harmless enough.”

“Harmless! He’s a body-stealing, shape-shifting monster.”

“He can’t shapeshift when he’s in your body,” Levi pointed out.

Eren grumbled, but Levi was right. And there wasn’t really much the other Eren could achieve on his own here - he had never even seen a car before - so the damage he could cause seemed relatively limited for now. It didn’t stop Eren from worrying about Annie, though.

If he was honest, she hadn’t fully left his mind throughout the past year. The way she’d exited their lives had been painful and confusing for everyone, especially Mikasa. Annie hadn’t come to her wedding, and she was supposed to be the Maid of Honor.  

Mikasa didn’t get emotional often, but she’d cried on Eren’s and Levi’s couch for the better part of an hour after receiving Annie’s goodbye letter.

Annie’s phone now went straight to voicemail. She’d never been very active on social media, but all her profiles were frozen to the time she’d disappeared. Someone new lived in her apartment, and they had no idea where she’d gone. Mikasa had gotten in touch with Annie’s father, but he’d only echoed Annie’s words that she didn’t want to be contacted.

“Did you find anything of interest?” Levi asked, cutting through Eren’s thoughts. He took a sip of his tea, glad it hadn’t gone cold while he was lost in thought.

“I bookmarked a few sites and forums, but there’s not a whole lot out there. I guess Greek and Roman gods are just sexier than Titans.”

“Unsurprising.”

“Yeah. I’ll have to start reading through this tomorrow. My head still feels kind of fucked.”

It wasn’t that his head hurt or that he felt physically exhausted. It was more that he was emotionally off-kilter. Things had felt different with Levi off and on all evening, despite the flirtatious teasing earlier. His heart kept racing without warning. Eren wasn’t sure what triggered it - something in the way Levi would look at him, or the way he’d say something. He kept seeing Levi turning towards him, and it was like the moment Levi had first answered his door seven years ago and all the air had left Eren’s lungs.

There was this strange longing and pain that took him back to an unpleasant time in his life. Levi was a known quantity now, he kept reminding himself, but then he’d look up and his stomach would flutter again like he’d been telling himself lies.

Levi seemed to have picked up on Eren’s mood and was gazing unhappily into his tea without drinking any of it. He looked incredibly handsome when he was pensive. Eren briefly thought, _should I make a move?_ Again he tried to shake off the weirdness of it all.

“Why do you keep looking at me like that?” Levi asked. Even the turn of his head reminded Eren of the unfamiliar Levi he’d gotten a glimpse of.

He made a miserable sound and covered his face with his hands. “I don’t know. It’s too weird.”

Levi didn’t say anything as he eased Eren’s hands off of his face. “Come here,” he said, wrapping his arms around Eren. They sat like that for awhile.

“Let’s go to bed,” Levi suggested. How could Eren refuse?

Levi was tender with him. He fucked him with slow, lazy thrusts, and Eren felt like he was coming apart. His cock was aching in Levi’s hands, and he scratched his nails down Levi’s back, moaning his name as Eren finally came undone. It felt like the first time. It felt like countless times before.

Afterwards, he hid his head in the crook of Levi’s neck before they got up to clean themselves off. Eren splashed some water on his face. There was something around the edges of his mind. He remembered the look on Levi’s face when he broke Eren’s heart, and it felt like there was another memory close to the surface that he couldn’t grasp, a firefly just out of his reach.

When Eren got back into bed, Levi was already there, regarding him seriously. “I love you,” he said, placing his hand on Eren’s face. “I hope you remember that. I know you’ve been frustrated with me lately.”

He didn't know how to tell Levi what the problem was. How the frustration was mainly directed at himself, but how Levi's enthusiasm over the prospect of Eren going back to school only intensified those feelings.

“I’m not having a psychotic break because you keep trying to give me your money, Levi,” Eren protested. But he wrapped his arms around Levi and held him tightly. “I love you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is so appreciated! Thank you to everyone who has left comments so far - you all make my day!
> 
> An extra thank you to my husband who edits this even when there is some smut involved. And to Sugarplumsenpai and Tragakes who consistently let me bounce ideas off of them and are two of the best cheerleaders I could ask for.


	5. Chapter 5

When Eren wanted to be alone or was lonely he surfed. He’d wanted to be alone today, but Mikasa had been unrelenting when she’d called the night before. And then there was the matter that Eren was not meant to surf alone lest his other self turn up.

He was pulled under by the wave, his thoughts breaking his focus. Mikasa glided on by him, and he thought how unfair it was that he’d been the one to get her into surfing in the first place, yet she’d surpassed him in skill so quickly and enduringly.

They caught a few more waves before they stretched out on the beach, side by side with their boards laid out on the sand next to them. The morning sun glittered on the waves. Eren felt some of the lingering sadness ease out of him. The first day had been the hardest, the memories still at the forefront of his mind. Now he could examine them more distantly as though he were looking through a magnifying glass, the sorrow and fear at a safe distance.

The comfortable silence had lulled Eren into a false sense of security. He shouldn’t have been surprised when Mikasa finally asked, “Do you want to talk about it?”

Eren tilted his head back and sighed at the sky. “Not really.”

Mikasa didn’t accept that as his answer. Eren hadn’t really expected her to, and maybe deep down he didn’t want her to. She said, “Levi told me what’s been going on.”  

“He shouldn’t have.”

Eren wished he’d woken up earlier, that they hadn’t had the chance to discuss him privately. That morning Levi had let Eren sleep in later than planned. Eren had been annoyed and confused when Levi had gently shaken him awake and said, “I thought you might have needed the extra sleep.” He’d even had a thermos of coffee ready.

Grumbling a bit, Levi had allowed himself to be pulled back into the bed for a few minutes, Eren wrapping his arms around Levi’s waist and burying his face his chest before being reminded that Mikasa was waiting in the living room.

“Of course he told me,” Mikasa said. “He’s my brother.”

“ _I’m_ your brother.”

 _I was your brother first_. He didn’t mean the petty thought, not really, but he couldn’t bite it back in time. Their odd family only bothered Eren on very specific occasions such as these where he knew Levi and Mikasa had been discussing him at length. Invasions of the body and mind aside, this had already been an issue for the past few months. He rarely begrudged them their regular lunch dates, but lately it had been a source of frustration.

Jean was the only one who really understood since he was always insecure about his place in their family and would latch onto any hint that Eren was also feeling alienated or left out. There was now a monthly dinner for everyone at Jean’s request. He also kept trying to start group chats that only Eren would respond to and only out of a sense of pitiful camaraderie.   

Eren grumbled, “He still should have let me tell you.”

“Were you going to?”

He dug his hands into the sand. “Probably.”

“He was just trying to help.”

“It would be really helpful if he bothered to talk to me,” Eren mumbled.

She looked at him hard. “All of this crazy stuff aside, are you guys okay?”

“Yeah, I don’t really get why he seems to think I’m annoyed with him.”

“Do you hear yourself sometimes?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Mikasa looked at him disbelievingly. “Something is clearly bothering you, and he can tell.”

“Well, then he can talk to me about it.” Instead of offhandedly saying things like _I know you’ve been frustrated with me_ right before they were about to fall asleep. And then Eren had clearly said he wasn’t annoyed about Levi trying to pay the deposit for the classes Eren was considering, but Levi didn’t follow up to find out if there was something else. How was it possible to be so annoyed with someone and still long for them so completely? It made his head hurt.

“Have you tried talking to him about it?”

“Of course I have.”

“Try harder.”  

Eren looked away. This wasn’t any of her business. “I have to go to work soon. I don’t have time for this.”

“That’s not true. Levi told me your schedule,” Mikasa said in her best _don’t try to pull one over on me_ voice.

“What do you want me to say, Mikasa?”

“I want to hear things from your perspective, Eren. I’ve been really worried about you. When we were in the park that day and you lost time, it was frightening. And now Levi told me what happened a couple days ago. How can we not talk about it?”

She had a point. Eren had been distressed when he realized there were blank spots in his day, waking up in moments and having no idea how he’d gotten there. Mikasa was probably worried sick having witnessed it first hand.

“I thought you’d want to talk about it,” she said when he didn’t answer.

“I guess I do. It’s just...it isn’t easy to explain.”

She looked determined and, Eren thought, relieved. “That’s okay. I don’t mind.”

Haltingly, he tried to describe to Mikasa what had happened, how he had still been in his body, but far away. How what he saw while he was in that dark place felt like a part of him unearthed, like an excavated fossil in the deepest parts of his brain.

He’d woken up around three the night before and looked up _schizophrenia_ because maybe that’s what this was. Maybe there was just a reasonable, sad explanation for what he was experiencing. Nothing he read felt right, but maybe that was part of his brain working against him.

“Hanji said it reminded her of something from one of her mythology classes. Which...I’m not even surprised about, really given it’s Hanji. We’re going to go to the university’s library and see if maybe we can find one of the books she was talking about.”

Mikasa looked very interested when he said this. “Levi didn’t mention that. What did he think?”

“I can’t tell what he thinks! He seems kind of off, but I can’t put my finger on it.”

“He’s probably just worried,” Mikasa said thoughtfully.

“That much I figured. I mean, he let me sleep in twice lately. The man’s a wreck.”

Mikasa laughed softly at that, but seemed distracted. She was intently packing the sand in front of her into different shapes - a turtle, a starfish - before flattening it and starting again.

“Like that,” Eren said, gesturing at her, “what you’re doing now. You’re being weird too.”

“I know. I’m just trying to figure out how to say this.” Mikasa stopped packing the sand and stared somewhere off to Eren’s right. He followed her gaze out across the beach where two children were building sandcastles. Their happy squeals filled the air, though Eren hadn’t noticed it before. A woman was sat on a towel nearby, a book in her hand, but she was watching the children, a boy and a girl.

“Do you remember the...problems I had when I was a kid?”

Eren paused for a moment, then asked carefully, “You mean the bedwetting?” He knew how much she hated talking about this and was curious why she was doing so now. Until a few years ago, he hadn’t even realized how sensitive Mikasa still was about the issue. He’d brought it up in front of Jean, not thinking anything of it, and she’d punched Eren in the arm so hard it had bruised.

She scowled. “The bedwetting, yes.”

Eren grew a little impatient when she didn’t immediately offer further information. “Mikasa, what has this got to do with anything?”

“I’m getting there.”

She could have fooled him. He waited another minute then said, “Between you and Levi it’s a miracle I’ve managed to keep my sanity for this long.” Sometimes Eren wondered how Mikasa and Levi even had conversations when he wasn’t around. Did they rely on telepathy? That would explain a lot.

“Eren, the reason I couldn’t stop wetting the fucking bed was because I had night terrors. Or at least that’s what mom and dad thought they were. Dad took me to a few different doctors, and you know I saw a therapist for a long time...after a while the nightmares mostly went away. I never forgot them. And they still come back from time to time.”

When Eren remained silent she said, “Do you understand what I’m trying to tell you?”

“Not really.”

“I believe you, Eren,” she said firmly. “In those nightmares, I saw us doing terrible things and terrible things being done to us. And they’ve never felt like dreams to me. No matter what anybody else said.”

The determined set of Mikasa’s jaw never failed to inspire Eren. It was why she’d been his hero for so long. Envy and admiration for his sister had coiled themselves together since as far back as he could remember. Along the way he’d directed some of those feelings towards Levi and the intensity had dulled. But here it was again, stronger than ever before. No matter what she’d been told, no matter how young she’d been, Eren had no doubt that she’d carried a certainty inside of herself about this for most of her life.

Eren forced himself to focus on the waves crashing in front of them, seagulls crying above them. Anything to fight back the burning behind his eyes.

“You should have told me,” he said.

“I didn’t want you to think I was a freak.”

Eren clenched his fists into the sand. “I would never think that about you.”

Mikasa wasn’t letting him suffer alone now, and he wished he’d been able to do the same for her. Eren knew a terrible loneliness threaded through himself, Mikasa and Levi too. He felt he had the answer to a long-held question nearly in his grasp, but like the sand it slipped softly through his fingers.

She surprised him as she shifted closer to rest her head on his shoulder. A few years ago he probably would have groaned and shrugged her off, but now it brought a faint smile to his face.

“I was so scared mom and dad would regret adopting me.”

“What! You were always their favorite.”

She snorted, but didn’t protest. They’d covered this ground so many times before. Neither of them bothered to say how much they missed their parents either.

“Come on,” she said. “We both know you don’t have work until noon. Let’s go get some food.”

They changed out of their wetsuits in one of the locker rooms near the beach. Once their boards were strapped to the roof of Mikasa’s car they headed to the diner they liked, only a ten minute drive away.

The hostess sat them at one of the red two-person booths near the windows, their favorite spot. Eren let Mikasa order them chocolate-chip pancakes and mochas since Levi wasn’t there to disapprove.

Mikasa hadn’t yet asked him about Annie, so Eren was unsure if Levi had broached the subject. It still wasn’t easy for Mikasa to talk about her friend, but now that she had confided something in Eren, he felt he could tell her what he hadn’t yet told Levi or Hanji.

He was quiet, trying to figure out how to bring it up. You had to approach certain things delicately with Mikasa.

Their food came, and he tried to eat. After a few bites, he started pushing food around his plate, lost in thought.

“You okay?”

“Yeah.” He pushed around a bit of bacon, drenching it in syrup. “But there’s something else I want to tell you.” Eren stared down at the plate. He swallowed nervously. “Did Levi mention anything about Annie to you?”

Mikasa startled, abruptly coughing as she took a sip of her coffee. She pulled herself together quickly, clearing her face of any emotion. “No. He didn’t. What’s she got to do with anything?”

“That’s the problem, I don’t know. But the other Eren left this note for us.” He reached down under the booth to grab his bag, and unzipped the front where he’d kept the piece of paper. He unfolded it, and pointed out the four names to Mikasa before looking up at her expectantly.

As her eyes flickered over the names, her expression didn’t change. The waitress came back over to ask how their food was, and only Eren bothered to look up and tell her it was great. He didn’t think it was all that convincing since his pancakes were still barely touched, syrup pooling at the edges of the plate and around the bacon.  

“How did you know he meant our Annie? That isn’t her last name - ‘Leonhart’.”

This was exactly the point. Eren leaned forward to make Mikasa meet his eyes. “Because I saw her face. I don’t think he did it on purpose - from what Levi said he’s pretty clueless - but I think I could see his memories while he was in my brain. And the thing is, there’s this...this feeling like I’ve seen them before too. Mikasa, I _know_ he means our Annie, even if her last name is different.”

Mikasa’s brow furrowed. “You didn’t tell Levi that, did you?”

“No. He never looked at the note.” He sat back again and sighed. “Look, I’m going to tell him. It’s just...it was kind of a lot to take in when it happened, and it was easier not to explain. I didn’t need to give him another reason to think I’m crazy.”

“Levi doesn’t think you’re crazy, “ she said firmly. “And you have no idea why he’s looking for her? Nothing you saw in his memories?”  

“I’m not sure. So many things flashed by.”

“Yeah. I know that feeling,” Mikasa said darkly. “Tell me, did you see mom in any of those flashes?”

_A smiling, terrifying face, high above the buildings. A fist wrapped around a tiny figure._

“Hey, hey, Eren.” Mikasa gripped his hand, and when he looked down he saw it was trembling as he gripped his fork. She lowered her voice and asked, “Did you see the smiling monster too?”

One second he was at the table and the next he had pushed himself up and fled the diner. He heaved into one of the potted plants just outside the front, avoiding the alarmed looks from passerbys.

Mikasa came out eventually, and rested a hand on his back. “I’m sorry, ” she said, though she’d done nothing wrong. “Are you going to be okay to go to work today? Maybe Sasha could take your shift, and I could take you back to my place. Jean will be home in a few hours.”

Eren shook his head. He wanted to go to work now. He wanted to do something with his hands and think about anything but this. Mikasa had seen it too. If she’d seen it too, then the sense that the memories were somehow a part of him felt less abstract. And if it was less abstract, the horrors he’d seen...had he - had Mikasa - lived through them somehow?  

“Let’s get you in the car. You’re still shaking.”

They sat in the parking lot until Eren could breathe easily again. He wanted to call Levi just to hear his voice, but Levi was meeting a client today for a new project, and Eren didn’t want to interrupt.

He sensed that Mikasa wanted to ask something else and was relieved when she refrained. Instead, she pulled him into a hug, and they sat like that for a long time before she drove him to work.

 

 

 

The shop was quiet today. Eren was in the back repairing a badly damaged board while Connie was supposed to be manning the front. But Pixis was out, and when no one was there, Connie kept wandering back to shoot the shit. It was exactly what Eren needed. Normal. It was all normal and everything was fine right now.

Connie was perched in the corner of the room on one of the spare chairs. Eren complained to him, “This board is gorgeous. They really did a number on it. I mean, if you know to buy something of this quality, don’t you know better than to keep taking it out when it’s dinged?”

“That’s just basic, surfing 101 shit,” Connie agreed. He came over to stand beside Eren and frown down at the board. The owner really had left it in bad shape for a stupidly long time.

Eren began to cut away the board’s rotting foam with surgical precision. Not for the first time, he felt this would have amused his father. Though Eren no longer had any interest in becoming a surgeon, he took great pride in his steady hands, passed from one Jaeger to another.  

“Hand me the tape, would you?” Eren reached out a hand as Connie tossed him the roll.

“So you coming out tonight, man?” Connie asked.

Eren still hadn’t made up his mind after what had happened earlier, and Levi still hadn’t responded to the text Eren had sent an hour ago inviting him along. Even if it was just for a little while, he wanted Levi to come badly. The text said, _Drinks tonight? Marco’s back in town, I feel like I should go._ Maybe it wasn’t enough, but Eren didn’t want to be needy.

Eren was already unsettled from having his body taken over and memories shoved into his brain, and his conversation with Mikasa had unsettled him further. She’d seemed okay when they’d parted ways, though. If she was still going tonight, he should too.

He carefully applied the masking tape to cordon off the damaged part of the board. “Connie, can’t you see I’m trying to save a life right now?”

Connie chuckled. “You should bring Levi too, I haven’t seen him in ages. I know Sasha would be stoked if he came.”

Their friends were still under the impression that Levi was cool and aloof. Eren understood, sometimes he still got caught up in that notion too. The charade was going after all these years mainly because Levi’s presence at get-togethers was never a guarantee. When he did show up, he was watchful and quiet, and he always bought a few rounds for everyone. The girls loved when he’d buy them good bottles of wine - Jean did too, although he insisted that he preferred whisky on the rocks.

“Maybe,” Eren said vaguely. “We’ll see.”

He knew if he went home, he’d wind up lost down the rabbit hole of the same unhelpful websites he’d already found. Or worse, trying to untangle the visions. Maybe it would be better for him if he forced himself to go out and be normal with his friends. Maybe if he went through the motions of pretending to be normal, normal is how he would feel.

Eren finished off the repairs to the board, and moved onto the next. He figured he could probably finish off two or three more before they closed up for the day.

The bell chimed as someone entered the shop, and Connie returned to the front. Eren heard a cheerful commotion and was already smiling before Jean came through to the back, holding a white paper bag in his hands.

“What are you doing here?” Eren asked, grinning.

“Ah, Mikasa sent me. I’m supposed to make sure you’re coming tonight. She said you’ve been bummed out lately and might need some persuasion. I’m way too early, but I finished shooting for the day and figured I could come hang out.”

He felt bad Mikasa hadn’t told Jean the full truth, but was grateful for her discretion. Additional sources of scrutiny were the last thing he wanted right now; more than that, he dreaded having the same conversation over and over again. He wanted to talk to Jean without it being colored by anything else.

“You know you’re always still welcome here, dude, even though you left us.” Connie held his hand over his heart, wounded.

Jean’s work as a freelance photographer meant he held odd hours and could still drop in to visit them from time to time.

“Don’t worry. I come bearing gifts.” Jean waved the bag.

“Nice one, man. Thanks,” Eren said, hoping Jean brought pastries. The chocolate pancakes this morning had been abandoned after only a few bites. Eren’s sweet tooth remained unsatisfied.

After washing his hands, he joined Jean and Connie at one of the uncluttered tables in the workroom. Jean had brought them each a chocolate glazed doughnut, and Eren eagerly grabbed one.

“How come these didn’t these come in a box?” Eren asked through a mouthful of food. “Seems pretty unprofessional.”

“You’re disgusting, Eren! I thought living with Levi would have fixed you by now.”

“Sorry,” he said unapologetically, mouth still full.

“I got them from a food truck. So sorry they don’t live up to your standards, Er.”

“I just wanted to know what kind of back-alley doughnuts these were.”

“You can just give that back to me if you’re going to be like this,” Jean said reaching for the other half of the doughnut in Eren’s hand.

“This was a gift, you can’t just take it back. That’s rude.”

“Would you two quit arguing?” Connie chuckled.

Jean stuck around for the rest of the day, giving unsolicited advice about board repairs and the way the store was laid out, which led to more bickering, until finally the three of them closed up for the day and headed to the bar.

Once in the car, Eren checked his phone. There were three texts from Levi. The first said: _Maybe. Just got home._ And then one sent ten minutes later, _You put the chai on the top shelf again. Stop doing that._ The third, sent almost immediately after the second said, _But thank you for cleaning the kitchen._

Eren grinned to himself. It wasn’t a yes, but it wasn’t a no either.

 

 

 

The bar was crowded when they arrived, but Eren managed to spot their friends clustered together on the opposite side of the room. Eren was surprised to see Armin standing with Mikasa, Sasha and Marco.  

“Hey, man,” he said, clapping Armin on the back after greeting the others. “I didn’t expect to see you here tonight. Thought you had your book club thing.”

“It got cancelled. Not enough people could make this one, so we’re postponing. I can’t say I’m too unhappy with the outcome,” Armin said. “It’s good to see you, Eren. It feels like it’s been too long.” He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.  

Jean cut in before Armin could start apologizing for his busy schedule. “That’s because it has been! Glad you could grace us with your presence tonight, Armin.”

Armin protested, “Hey, it isn’t just my fault!” But he seemed to realize Jean was joking and also seemed to be flattered by the attention.

Eventually, most of the group had made their way to one of the pool tables, but Eren hung back near the bar with Armin.

“Hey, since I’ve got you here. Would you mind if Hanji and I stopped by later this week when you’re at work? We want to pick your brain about something.”

“Of course! I’d love it if more of you stopped by. The only person who really comes to see me is Erwin, and that’s only when he can get away from the office.” Apparently Armin was still a lightweight; it was clear he hadn’t meant to say that because his eyes had widened, and he’d abruptly stopped speaking.

“ _Erwin_ is visiting you at work,” Eren repeated. “Levi’s Erwin? Smith?”

“How many Erwins do you think I know?” Armin retorted. He folded one arm against his body and lifted his cup towards his face as if to hide behind it rather than to take a drink.

“How did he...why is he visiting you at work?”

It was hard to tell in the dim light of the bar, but Eren was fairly certain Armin was blushing. “We’re friends,” Armin said. “And he was really interested in seeing some of the philosophy books in our archives.”

Eren really wished Levi were here. He had to tell him about this. Unless Levi already knew and had been holding out on him.

“You’re gaping,” Armin said.

“Sorry, I’m just. Wow.” Eren took a sip of his beer as he absorbed this. “Was not expecting that. It’s cool, though!” he added hurriedly as he saw Armin was starting to look upset. “Erwin’s great. And honestly if you start dating, then you guys can shoulder the burden of the stupid cougar/cradle-robbing jokes. You’d be doing us a solid, really.”

Any lingering tension dissipated as Armin laughed. “I probably should have found a better way to bring it up, but I’m glad you’re cool with it. He’s actually officially asked me out so...we’re grabbing dinner this weekend.”

“Fuck, man! Good for you guys. Does Levi know?”

“No idea. Erwin didn’t say.”

“So when...Oh my god it was at Levi’s birthday dinner!” Eren exclaimed as he put the pieces together. “I kind of noticed you two were talking a lot, but I was distracted because Petra and Oluo brought Abby with them.”  

Armin grinned, “That’s right. You barely said three words to anyone else that night because you were too busy staring at the baby.”

Mikasa appeared at Eren’s side. “Are we talking about Eren’s baby fever?” Mikasa asked, nudging Eren to make room for her.

“I don’t have _baby fever_! What the fuck, Mikasa?” He tried to nudge her back out of the small circle they’d formed, but she didn’t budge.

Armin’s eyes lit up the way they always did when he’d had a revelation. “I think Mikasa’s got a point. Now that you mentioned it, Erwin even said something about it that night when Levi was holding the baby.”

“What the - I don’t even remember - You’re both crazy!” Eren sputtered, but they carried on as though he hadn’t spoken.

“What did Erwin say?” Mikasa was giddy over this, grinning ear to ear, and Eren couldn’t fathom why. Almost everyone had taken a turn holding Abby! On the one hand, it was nice to see Mikasa smiling so hard after this morning, but on the other hand, this was absurd.

People were getting rowdier around them as the bar filled up. A group nearby had erupted into cheerful shouts, and Eren hoped that maybe they might drown out the rest of this conversation. All it did was force Mikasa and Armin closer together.

Armin smirked as he took a sip of his drink, drawing out the moment. “Something about the mooney look on Eren’s face. And how he never thought Levi would be a parent before him.”

Still laughing, Mikasa exclaimed, “And Eren before me!”  

Armin turned to Eren. “Have you and Levi talked about kids at all…?”

Eren picked at the label on his beer bottle, giving it his undivided attention.

Mikasa rolled her eyes. How much had she had to drink already? “Don’t get me started, Armin.”

That was enough. Eren most certainly did not want to get her started. Were the others still playing pool? He wanted to go instigate an inconsequential argument with Jean about his terrible taste in television.

“I’m gonna grab another drink.”

Eren waved off their protests as he slunk off to the bar. While he waited to get served, he checked his phone again, but there weren’t any more messages from Levi. He started and stopped a few texts before shoving his phone back in his pocket. When it came to Levi, foolish behaviour was nothing new.

He joined the rest of the group where they were stood around a pool table. Marco and Jean were always partners, and Eren promised Sasha he’d be hers during the next game.

“Hey what about me!” Connie whined.

Sasha slung her arm around his shoulder and kissed his cheek. “You’ll have to sit this one out, I’m afraid.”

“I’ll go order you some wings if you sit it out.”

Sasha didn’t miss a beat. “Bye, Eren.”

“Traded for a plate of chicken wings.” Jean shook his head. “I can’t say I’m surprised.”

“Shut up,” Eren said. “Sasha would trade anyone for a chicken wing.”

“A singular chicken wing?” Marco asked.

“A singular chicken wing.”

Jean closed one eye and crouched down as he lined up his shot. “I mean, I would trade my left nut for a chicken wing right now.”

Connie chimed in, “Sasha would trade my left nut for a chicken wing any time.”

“What food wouldn’t Sasha trade your left nut for?” Eren asked.

Marco said, “I bet she’d trade it for one slice of cheese.”

Eren said, “I bet she’d trade it for a piece of toast.”

“A fucking potato,” Jean added.

“I _love_ potatoes. Why are you implying there’s something wrong with them?” Sasha feigned offense.

Though Eren was enjoying himself tonight, his happiness was blackened at the edges, a piece of paper held to a flame.

Periodically he would glance at the entrance, hoping he’d catch Levi just as he was walking through. Eventually, as the night wore down and the other patrons began to filter out of the bar, Eren accepted he wasn’t coming.

Just before midnight, Mikasa and Jean gave Eren a ride home. He half-listened to them talking; their words drifted back to him from the front seat, muffled by the sounds coming through the cracked windows.

He wasn’t exactly surprised Levi hadn’t come, but why hadn’t he said one way or the other? He wouldn’t have actually been mad about the tea thing - Eren had only been trying to help.

Once home, he fumbled with his keys a bit, and lifted a hand to wave to Jean and Mikasa after he’d finally managed to open the door. The house was quiet and mostly dark save for the light Levi had left on in the living room.

The sensible part of his brain could appreciate the thoughtful gesture, but that didn’t stop him from throwing the couch cushions onto the floor and moving more tea to the top shelves in the kitchen.

He poked his head into the bedroom, half-hoping Levi was still awake, reading in bed. Eren was a little relieved to find him sound asleep - it was always a relief when Levi managed to sleep - and a little disappointed because he wanted to openly sulk.

Not yet ready to go to bed, he shut the door quietly and returned to the living room, flicking on the TV to find something stupid and easy. It was then that he felt that strange tingle spreading throughout his body, slowly up through his spine and to his head.

 _Oh not fucking this again,_ he thought furiously. _I thought I had a week._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is always so appreciated! Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to comment. It really means a lot <3
> 
> And thank you to Sugarplum who took the time to beta this chapter and is just generally amazing.


	6. Chapter 6

 

The next day, Eren woke early and spent his morning in a lonely daze as he began to catch up on the chores he’d fallen behind on. _I love you, Eren._ The words dogged him, a dark cloud above his head. As it turned out, the other world was cruel in its own way.

He was supposed to find Hanji, but he sent word through Armin that he needed to finish his cleaning assignments first. Armin likely saw the half-truth for what it was, but he didn’t argue. Eren thought he detected pity in his friend’s face, and it made him seethe as he worked.

“Did they know anything about the other shifters?” Armin asked before he left the kitchen where Eren was cleaning (or perhaps moping was more accurate) before the day’s cooking crew arrived.

Eren shook his head, scrubbing at the countertop as though it had personally wronged him.

“We’ll keep thinking,” Armin assured him. “I still don’t think it’s a coincidence that this started after you began to see your father’s memories.”

“Yeah,” Eren said, voice tight. “I need to finish up here. We’ll talk later.” He hadn’t spoken about his father or those horrific memories since the rescue, and he didn’t plan to start now.

Armin lingered in the doorway, looking as though he were on the verge of asking something more, until Connie passed by and came in to say hello. This both prevented the line of conversation from continuing and prompted Armin to take his leave.

It dawned on Eren after Connie’s (welcome) interruption that eventually the rest of their squad would find out what was happening. This meant he was going to feel like more of a freak than usual.

He didn’t want to talk to have to explain his new ability again until he had something more concrete to bring them - finding one of the other shifters, telling his comrades new information about the Titans. He could imagine Jean’s sneering face, telling him it was all bullshit. The more he thought about it, the more his frustration and fury built up in his chest. Why hadn’t he been able to stay there longer? He could have had Levi or Hanji ‘call’ one of the others to ask if they recognized the names.

Mikasa joined him a short while later, carrying a mop and beginning to work alongside Eren. Armin must have relayed what Eren said, because she helped him in companionable silence. “I’ll see you this afternoon for training,” was all she said before they parted ways.  

Once the kitchen was clean enough that Levi would have approved and Eren had returned the cleaning supplies to their closet, he couldn’t put off speaking to Hanji any longer. Of course he planned to report that he’d followed their plan as best he could, but he knew she would want to privately discuss her question about Moblit. He couldn’t help but feel intrusive knowing something so fragile in Hanji’s heart.

Though it was still early, Hanji was in the middle of testing weapons on the field, shrieking with joy as the newer guns were fired by her squad. She dropped everything as soon as Eren arrived and ushered him to her office.

He told her everything that had happened, and she took thorough notes on things like the ‘television’ and the ‘phone’, and she was pleased to hear how kind and helpful the other Hanji had been. Eren even tried to delay the inevitable by telling her about how different her hair and glasses were in the other world - he finally swallowed and said, “Squad Leader…I um. I did as you asked.”

Hanji went silent and still. The effect was unsettling, and Eren wrung his hands.

Meeting the other Levi only clarified that his would never love him. That Eren, with his beautiful life and his handsome reflection, would never be his reality. If there was a chance that telling Hanji what he knew would have the same effect on her as it did on Eren...maybe he shouldn’t say anything. Eren knew it wouldn’t be right to withhold the information, though, just because of his own doubts.

He stood up straighter, and kept his tone neutral. “Moblit, he’s fine. You – you’re married, actually. You seemed really happy.”

This was different to how happy he’d been upon seeing Squad Levi in the photographs. He could see all of that first-hand, but here he was dangling something so precious out of Hanji’s reach. Eren felt guilty.

When Hanji only stared at him, Eren added in a rush, “I also...liked your haircut. I should have said before.”  

Hanji still didn’t reply, and Eren felt like an idiot. “I’m sorry,” he said. There was a small part of him that thought maybe he really should have lied and said he’d forgotten to ask, but it was too late for that now. Besides, he would have only regretted that more in the end.

Finally, she said, “No I’m…I’m glad, Eren. Thank you for telling me.” The smile she mustered was weak and devoid of any of her infectious joy.

“You don’t look glad,” he pointed out.

This time when she smiled there was a bit more light. “This might not make any sense, but it’s nice to imagine a life like that being real somewhere.”

Was it? Eren didn’t know anymore. It only hurt to know that another Levi loved another Eren and had for years. Each time the words reverberated in his head, he was rattled by how casually they’d been said.

Perhaps this new ability wasn’t a gift at all but a new way to torture himself, his powers gone horribly awry.

“Squad Leader...Why do you believe me?” Eren found himself asking. It wasn’t exactly what he meant, but Hanji seemed to understand.

She stood and walked to the small window on the opposite side of the room. Her workshop was partially underground, but there was one small window through which you could see some light if you were lucky, and muddy boots if you weren’t.

“This world has surprised me so many times Eren. It’s nice when it’s a hopeful surprise for a change.”

Eren understood that. He wanted this all to mean something too. It was a cruel thing to show him without cause.

Hanji wiped her glasses with her handkerchief, and Eren realized she was crying. He hesitated for a moment before he moved to embrace her, and they stayed like that for a little while. It felt good, in an odd way, to be silent and still and sad together.

When they pulled apart she asked, “Are _you_ okay, Eren?”

“I’m fine,” he said.

“Are you sure?” She looked at him hard.

Of course he wasn’t sure. Until Levi’s words had sliced through him, Eren hadn’t quite realized just how far out of his reach he was or how close he’d even wanted him to be. He swallowed and stepped away from Hanji.

“Captain Levi thinks it’s...pointless. He hates talking to me about it.”

Her eyes softened. “I know it seems that way. But Levi trusts you. We all do. What you’re capable of has surpassed our expectations time and time again. If there’s anything else that happened there that you want to tell me, you can.”

That peaceful life with a garden and more food than you could ever want for and everyone you loved safe and sound did not belong to him. He willed himself not to hear the words again, _please_ not again. They weren’t Levi’s, not really. And they were as unhelpful as they were painful. He couldn’t tell her any of that.

“No, Squad Leader, that’s all,” Eren said, turning to head towards the door. “Thank you.”

“Hey.” Hanji reached out to grab his arm, and Eren stopped but didn’t face her. She hesitated for a moment. “Eren, you’re not...alone. I’ve never seen him with anyone else the way he is with you.”

Eren felt his face burning, so taken aback that her words didn’t sink in until much later.

“I’m always here,” she said kindly, releasing his arm. Eren nodded without meeting her eyes and fled the room.

 

 

“Eren!” Mikasa cried as she glanced back to check on him. She’d flown ahead of him a moment ago, and he suspected it was so she could keep an eye on him. “Watch out!” Which might have actually been for the best in hindsight.

He launched a grappling hook into the sturdy trunk of an oak, just off to his left, and flung himself towards it, narrowly avoiding a head-first crash into the tree’s bough. Though he’d successfully protected his head, his maneuvering was just a moment too late, and he slashed his arm on a smaller stray branch.

They were running drills in a forest a few miles from base, and the more Eren told himself to focus, the more his mind drifted. He paused to collect himself, and Mikasa followed. He could hear the others nearby, catching a glimpse of Sasha through the leaves. Maybe the rest hadn’t seen his folly, though he doubted Levi had missed it.  

Eren managed a clipped, “Thanks for the warning,” and batted Mikasa’s hand away as she reached for him. She flinched, and Eren felt a flicker of guilt. He was more irritated with himself than her, embarrassed that he’d been off all afternoon. No matter what he did, no matter how much he tried to think of anything else: _I love you, Eren...You’re not alone._    

All he wanted was for things to go back to way they’d been. Before the kidnapping, he’d sworn he and Levi were becoming something like friends. Or at least that Levi was fond of him. They’d played chess under the stars on warmer evenings. And Levi taught Eren a version of rummy he’d never heard of (he’d wondered if this was something Levi had learned during his time in the underground), patient as Eren flubbed his hands. On one occasion they’d even played hangman, and Eren had been amused by Levi’s childish answers, while Levi in turn had been amused by Eren’s failure to correctly complete most of the puzzles.

But since Historia and Eren’s rescue, it hadn’t been the same. More specifically, since Eren had made a fool of himself in front of Levi shortly after said rescue, things had changed, and now this other Levi came along and -  

Levi landed beside them and waved Mikasa off, ignoring her protests.

He took hold of Eren’s arm without hesitation and carefully examined the wound, his fingers applying gentle pressure into the unharmed flesh around it. “How long do you think it’ll take to heal?”

“A half hour at most, probably. It’s not very deep.”

“Hm.” Levi still hadn’t dropped his arm, and Eren begged his heart to stop hammering. “You shouldn’t be training today if you’re still too weak.”

Eren bristled, “I’m not too weak to train, sir.” The last thing he needed was to appear useless time and time again. Eren snatched his arm away so Levi’s hand was clutching empty space between them.

Levi let his hand fall to his side as though he hadn’t noticed. He continued, “If you’re not taking the time to recover, you’re only putting yourself and the rest of the squad in unnecessary danger.” His eyes were flat, even as they flicked down at Eren’s balled fists, but his voice was a little gentler when he added, “It’s not weak to admit when you’ve reached your limits.”

It was worse somehow when Levi was kind to him. Eren only felt pitied and babied when he wanted Levi to see him as someone capable and worthwhile. “I’m fine, really. I was just a little distracted.”

Levi didn’t look convinced. “Tomorrow, we leave for Mitras. I need you ready. We should head back now anyway while there’s still enough daylight. Get some rest, Eren. Real rest,” he emphasised.

“Mitras?” Eren echoed, “But I thought I was supposed to transform again in a week?”

“You are. We can be back by then. Otherwise, Historia will make sure we’ve got an adequate area secured.”

Levi called for the others, and they began their walk back. Levi led the way with Mikasa and Eren trailing a few feet behind him, not speaking, though it looked like Mikasa was biting her tongue. She kept casting pained looks at Eren. The rest of the squad brought up the rear.

Eren watched Levi’s back, replaying their conversation in his head, laying it out side by side with Hanji’s bizarre comment from that morning. He tried to imagine if one of his friends had been in his position, but remained uncertain. Levi probably would have checked on them as well, but would he have lingered for as long as he had?

Hanji couldn’t have known about the night right after the rescue...unless Levi had told her, but Eren couldn’t fathom that being the case. He certainly hadn’t told Armin or Mikasa about it, though it had crossed his mind once or twice.

Besides the sound of birds chirping above them, the only thing he could hear was Sasha and Connie giggling together from the back of the procession.

That is until Jean’s voice cut through the peace, loud enough that it was clear he wanted to be heard.  “What’s wrong with Jaeger?”

“He’s been trying to control his hardening abilities. Hanji’s been having him transform more than usual,” Armin explained.

Eren’s stomach sank as he thought about telling the others the truth. Sasha and Connie would get over it quickly, but Jean was more likely to hold a grudge for having been kept on the outside.

Jean didn’t look convinced by Armin’s explanation. “Well, tell him to sort it out soon. I’m sick of doing his damn chores,” he said.

The other Levi had said Jean was his best friend. Eren nearly laughed at the recollection. If that was the case, everything that happened in that world was suspect. Eren really did regret telling Hanji about Moblit now. It was all so far removed from any semblance of reality; he should have just kept his mouth shut.  

“I can hear you, horseface. And I did all of your fucking chores this morning,” Eren hollered, turning his head so he could give Jean a nasty look.

“Both of you shut the fuck up,” Levi commanded.

“Just ignore Jean,” Mikasa said to Eren.

 _Mikasa marrying Jean_ , Eren scoffed to himself. _Ridiculous_.

Eren continued to watch Levi’s back and brood the rest of the journey home. By the time they arrived, the moon had just appeared in the sky, though it was only just becoming dark. Levi sat next to Eren at dinner, and his scrutiny was unsettling.

“If you’re not hungry, give Sasha the rest of your meal,” Levi suggested, watching Eren push his food around his plate.  

Sasha’s head snapped up, and she gazed longingly at Eren’s plate from the other end of the table.

“I’m going to eat it,” Eren said, casting a wary look over at Sasha and inching his plate closer.

Levi’s tone was firm but not unkind when he said, “Hurry up. We need to speak with Hanji about our plans for Mitras.”

“Why me?”

“They involve you.” Levi looked at him like he was an idiot.  

“Oh, right.” To Sasha’s dismay, Eren wolfed down the rest of his food and cleared both his and Levi’s plates from the table.

Mikasa and Armin stood to join them, while Jean, Connie and Sasha eyed them all with curiosity. Levi said, “No, the rest of you are dismissed for the night. We ride at dawn for the capital. Go get some sleep.”  

Eren followed Levi out of the mess hall into the hallway. He turned back to Mikasa and Armin and shrugged, a little guilty at how perplexed and dejected they looked.  

Once they were out of earshot, Eren said, “Sir, I’ve already told Squad Leader Hanji what happened. I gave them the names, but I didn’t find anything out.”  

Levi held up a hand, and said, “I’ve already spoken to Hanji. Look, the outcome was positive for getting shit out of it.”

“Sir?” Eren didn’t understand how this was a positive outcome in the slightest. He’d accomplished next to nothing.

Levi made a frustrated sound and tried again. “From the sounds of it, they took you seriously. The other Hanji said she’d look into it, right? You did a good job, Eren.”  

Eren blinked at Levi until he remembered himself. “Thank you.”

Levi turned on his heels and began walking outside. “Go get your cards,” he said over his shoulder.

Still rooted to the spot, Eren frowned. “I thought we were going to speak to Squad Leader Hanji about tomorrow’s plans?” he asked.

“No. We’re going to play rummy.”

Eren tried to ignore how his stomach fluttered, but he couldn’t help the smile that broke out on his face. “Do you want a cup of tea too, Captain?”

A smile quirked at Levi’s lips, but he turned his head so Eren couldn’t see. “Are the military police a bunch of incompetent fucks?”

Eren laughed and went to retrieve the tea and cards.

 

 

Out under the stars, a thrill shot through Eren. It began with a jolt up from his stomach that spread throughout his whole body. He wasn’t sure why Levi had initiated this time together. It felt like a long while since he’d done so of his own accord. Probably since the night Eren had made a fool of himself in front of Levi. For a fleeting moment, Eren wondered if it was possible that his company had been missed too, but it was too wistful to be true.

Levi expertly shuffled the cards with nimble fingers. Eren watched him closer than was strictly necessary, admiring the way his strong hands flexed to make a perfect bridge.

By the fourth round, the conversation had remained light and easy. Then Levi said, “Your training isn’t going well.”

It wasn’t so much an accusation as a statement of fact. Nonetheless, Eren winced. He tugged his cloak tighter around his arms, although the night air was still warm. “No.” His control over the hardening power had certainly improved, but it was still inconsistent and unpredictable.

Both avenues of his powers suddenly seemed as though they were only leading to more walls. His incompetence was appalling. He couldn’t surface more of his father’s memories no matter how tightly he squeezed his eyes shut and tried to let it all back in. He couldn’t control the hardening long enough to be useful in what would inevitably be a violent, bloody battle at Shiganshina. He didn’t know what else the other world could offer except tantalizing dreams that would never morph into reality.

“I was never supposed to have any of these powers.”

The cards were dealt, and Eren noticed that Levi moved his lips as he silently counted to ten. Levi picked up his hand to inspect it, and it was starting to seem like he might never respond. Then he said, “No, but you do. And until you did, we were just chasing our tails. I’ve met few people as bull-headed as you, Eren.”

Wait, was Levi...complimenting him? Eren must seem more pitiful than usual if it had come to that, he thought darkly.

A few turns went by. He suspected Levi was close to going out and winning the hand. Rummy was quick, and Eren had been dealt a hopeless hand.

He laid out another useless card and blurted out, “Everyone’s counting on me to find the answers, but I’m not bringing us any closer.”

“I haven’t known that to stop you before.” Levi laid out his cards on his next turn, two three of a kinds and a four-card run. Eren had just managed to prepare a run. Even with cards, Levi seemed to effortlessly put everything in the right order. “So you’ve hit a rut. Maybe you’re pushing yourself too hard. Maybe we’re not looking at things the right way. We’ll figure it out. We don’t have any other choice. Erwin might have some ideas.”

“The whole squad is coming tomorrow. Does that mean...” Eren trailed off, running a hand through his hair

“Yes,” Levi confirmed. “The rest of the squad should be informed. They’ll join us when we speak with Erwin and Historia.”

He reorganized his hand. No matter how he arranged it, it still looked like a jumbled mess. “They’ll just think I’m crazy. Maybe I _am_ crazy.”

Levi arched an eyebrow but kept his gaze on his cards. “You seemed certain this other world was real.”

He _did_ . He _didn’t._ It was both too bizarre to be real, yet too bizarre to be an illusion. All along Eren had been bringing them closer to finding the answers than they’d ever been before, and in the deepest part of himself, he was certain that there was something there for them. But then he recalled the way Levi kissed him, the way he so casually told Eren he loved him, the way Levi had smiled in those photos, and it seemed laughable. Of course he couldn’t tell Levi any of this. He’d been clear he hadn’t wanted to hear it anyway.

When Eren didn’t respond and instead began dealing the next round, Levi prompted, “What about the other Levi, then? Does he believe you?”

This made Eren meet Levi’s eyes. There was no way he could say, _Yes, because to him somehow this is the unfathomable world, and there was no way I could have invented it._ It was shocking enough that this Levi was asking what the other thought.

“He says he does.”

The next card Eren drew was exactly what he needed. He blinked down at the joker, a wildcard, in delighted surprise and switched the order around before he laid out his hand.

Levi smiled at him. “I was starting to worry you were too out of practice to be a challenge.”

“So was I.” Eren laughed.

“You’re still laying the cards out wrong.” Levi sighed, reaching out to put Eren’s run into a vertical line, one atop the other in descending order.

“Oh, come on,” Eren scoffed. “Mikasa does it this way too.” He switched the cards back horizontally.

“That’s a terrible justification. It only means you’re both doing it wrong. Like the other sloppy players who don’t know what the fuck they’re doing. Do it right next time.”

“Sir, are you ordering me to lay out my cards the way you want?”

“Normally, I would never abuse my power that way, Eren. But if that’s what it takes. Fine. Yes. That’s an order.”

Levi’s eyes often revealed his exhaustion, so it was a rare and beautiful thing when they were lit up with amusement. For the briefest of moments, Eren saw the other Levi. They were almost identical, but there’d been something off that Eren couldn’t pinpoint. With Hanji it was easy - the hair, the glasses. But physically the two Levi’s were indistinguishable. Eren realized now - it was the other Levi’s eyes that were different.

Eren felt like everything else in the world had disappeared when Levi looked at him like that. For the first time, he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that in another world he could have and would have reached out to take Levi’s hand in his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope it hasn't put anyone off, but I've changed the rating to E because of later chapters. I couldn't help myself, I suppose. 
> 
> Thank you to [ Sugarplumsenpai](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugarplumsenpai/pseuds/sugarplumsenpai) for being an amazing beta, and for providing 24/7 Ereri support alongside [ Fluffymusketeer ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fluffymusketeer/pseuds/fluffymusketeer)
> 
> Also to my husband who continues to edit this but would probably never step foot onto AO3 and thus will never know I've publicly expressed my gratitude.
> 
> Feedback is so loved. Thank you all for your comments so far; they've brought me so much joy!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delay--I got caught up in all the Ereri Secret Santa fun and was busy over the holidays! But I'm back, and I hope you enjoy this chapter. All the comments and kudos so far have been so appreciated, thank you so much for reading!

Erwin and Historia listened intently as Eren recounted his excursions - if you could even call them that - to the other world. As Eren had suspected, Jean was irritated at his initial exclusion. Sasha and Connie exchanged glances with one another, but otherwise regarded Eren with only curiosity and concern.

Armin shared his thoughts about the new powers possibly being connected to Grisha’s memories or perhaps the hardening abilities. “It’s too much of a coincidence that this started at the same time,” he said, and Erwin and Hanji had both nodded in agreement.

“Armin makes a good point,” Erwin said. “I still believe we should prepare to reclaim Wall Maria, but if Eren can find answers for us about the Titans this way, it could give us the advantage we need.”

“Do you really believe this might work, Commander?” Eren asked hopefully. He snuck a look over at Levi whose mouth was turned down in a small, contemplative frown.  

“I hope so,” Erwin said kindly. “We’ll see if you can find out any more when you return in a few days.”

“Say Eren does manage to find information about the Titans. Then what?” Levi asked.

“Our enemies know we want to find out what Grisha was keeping in the basement,” Armin said.

Erwin nodded. “If we had answers about the Titans from elsewhere, the basement would lose its strategic importance.”

“We’d be able to regain the element of surprise.” Armin’s eyes were bright as Erwin nodded in approval.

Hanji took this as her cue to give Eren a few more tasks - can you ask the other Hanji for more details about how these ‘phones’ work? What kind of transportation do they use there? Can you try to describe any fauna you see? - and the interest of the group dissipated.

When the meeting had concluded, Eren made to follow Levi. He wasn’t sure what he wanted to say exactly, but he wanted to stay near. He was stopped by Historia before he could make his way to Levi, who was now speaking intently with Erwin as they made their way down the corridor.  

Historia had been pensive and quiet during the meeting. “Take a walk with me, Eren?” she requested.  

They strolled down the winding stone paths of the palace gardens, Historia’s guards close but out of earshot. The sky was fading to a dusty pink over the top of the castle. Eren thought of the little garden in the other world, and how though it wasn’t nearly as grand, he longed to be there. The wistful tug of his heart surprised him.

“These are my favorites,” Historia was saying, touching a purple Larkspur with a tender brush of her finger.

As beautiful as the flowers were, Eren doubted she’d brought him here to admire them. “Um, Historia…” he started.

She looked at him with understanding and let her hand fall from the flower. “I need you to promise me something, Eren.”

He wanted to say yes, but the intensity of her gaze gave him pause. “What is it?”

“If you do find Ymir in the other world, please promise me you won’t let any harm come to her.”

“Historia--”

She held up a hand. “And will you tell her that wherever she is, I’ll find her. That if she ever comes back, I’ll make sure she’s safe.”

Eren believed her. It was hard to reconcile who he’d once thought Historia, or rather Krista, to be with the queen who stood before him now. He couldn’t fathom the thought of trying to hide who you truly were. The idea of keeping up such a pretense sounded exhausting, and he much preferred the real Historia to her previous persona. There was no doubt in his mind that she would do everything in her power to protect Ymir.

“I don’t know if I can make that promise,” Eren admitted. “I don’t even know if Ymir deserves your protection. She abandoned us when she could have helped.” For a brief moment, Eren let himself wonder what it might have felt like to have another Titan on their side.

“I understand why you’d feel that way, but I hope you trust me enough to help if you can.”

Eren considered this. “I can try,” he said eventually. “For you.”

Historia nodded, seeming satisfied. A strand of hair had fallen from her neat bun, and she tucked it behind her ear. “I’m sorry I didn’t make it to your birthday, by the way.” She smiled sadly. “I do miss you all. I’m glad Captain Levi was able to make it, though.”

When she saw Eren’s puzzled expression she added, “After the meeting that day, he asked if I was going the same way. I think he was just being, polite, though. He didn’t look too disappointed when I said I wasn’t. Maybe I shouldn’t have slapped him after all.”  

Eren laughed a little, distracted by his surprise and confusion. Why hadn’t Levi shown up if he’d planned to?

“Are you alright, Eren?” Historia looped her arm through his, looking up at him with concern.

Darkness pressed in from the edges of his sight before he could answer. The familiar tingle prickled at the base of his neck. From far away, he could feel his body falling and Historia shouting for help.

 

 

 

He was back in the other Eren and Levi’s living room lying on their couch. His head felt light and his vision was clouded. Was he--was he drunk? He’d only drank once or twice and never too much, always under Mikasa’s watchful eye. He feared he might lose control of his power, or that he’d be unprepared for an attack should one take place.

_Yes,_ came an angry reply in a voice that sounded like his own.

Eren thought he might have been imagining things until he heard it again.

_Hello?_ The voice was less angry this time, more curious. Even more confusing, the voice was definitely his own.

_Um, hi?_ Eren thought, closing his eyes. The bright light from the thing Levi had called a television was distracting and still made him nervous.

_You can really hear me! You’re still a no-good body-stealer, but I’m glad you can hear me this time._

_I’m sorry,_ Eren thought, trying his hardest to convey how serious he was. _About everything. I don’t exactly like it either._

_Oh. I guess I hadn’t thought of that. But still! You’re not supposed to be here now,_ the other Eren complained.

_I know, I know. I don’t know what happened. I think...well, it’s a long story._

_Yeah, I’m sensing that. And it’s okay. I mean, I can’t say I’m exactly happy you turned up again out of the blue, but...it’s cool I can actually talk to you this time. You - we? - have powers? Last time you were here I think I saw it...I saw a lot of things actually that I can’t really make sense of._

Eren looked again at the television, with its inexplicable moving pictures. _Yeah, I know what you mean._

_Oh right. You don’t know what anything here is. I know Levi explained some things to you but, uh, just ask me anything, and I’ll help if I can keep communicating with you. I tried last time, but I don’t think you could hear me._

Eren thought back to last time he was there, remembering the pounding sensation in his head. _I think I could feel you last time._

_Well, I still can’t control my body, and I’m starving so...if you navigate us to the kitchen, I’ll teach you how to make macaroni and cheese._

_What’s that?_

_I’m about to blow your mind._

Eren walked to the kitchen, trying to stay steady on his feet. He was nervous with his other self so present in his head and the unfamiliar sensation of being drunk. Though the other Eren was quick to interject and point out that he wasn’t _that_ drunk.

The other Eren was both patient and bossy, telling Eren exactly which of the brightly colored boxes to pull from the cabinet, where to find a pot in the spacious kitchen, and how to use the stove.

_Don’t just stand there watching the water; that’s weird and boring. Go sit us down at the counter._

Eren did as he was told, and sat up at counter in the middle of the kitchen.

At a loss for words, he thought, _You have a lovely home_. His mother used to say it when their family would go to dinner at a friend’s house. She would always say it with a warm smile on her face as soon as they stepped inside, even when Eren didn’t think the home was lovely at all.

As Eren recalled this, another memory entered his mind. It was similar to his own, but taking place in this world. They were all dressed in the unfamiliar clothing, and he could see some of the devices - the phone, the television. There were other tiny details that were off: his father wasn’t wearing glasses, Mikasa’s hair was in a long braid, and there was an older boy with them that Eren didn’t recognise.

_Did you just see that too?_ the other Eren asked. Their body filled with shared wonder.

_Yeah. Did you see mine?_

_I did. Do it again._ He sounded amazed. _Mom looks almost exactly the same, and dad’s glasses are hilarious._

Despite the other Eren’s jokes, Eren could feel a spark of pain. At the same time, they realised their losses mirrored one another. Eren didn’t recognise the brother the other Eren was thinking of, but it didn’t prevent a wave of sorrow from washing over him.

Seeing his father and mother again, even with their differences, shook Eren. _Are they gone here too?_ he asked, though he already had sensed the answers.

_Yeah. It’s been a long time, though. For you too?_

_Yes._ Eren didn’t want to explain, and the other Eren didn’t press. 

_Hey, I think the water’s boiling,_ the other Eren thought, gently shaking them from their reverie.

After finishing preparing the food, they sat outside in the little garden, trying to think of happier memories to share as they ate. Eren found he didn’t have many to offer, but he tried.

It was easier to conjure images for one another than to continue to think-speak. The other Eren was generous, happy to share as many as Eren wanted. Seeing so many recognizable, happy faces was like being enveloped by a warm blanket.

The memories were still jarring, but not as badly as when he’d first seen the photographs in the house. He didn’t feel jealous anymore. Instead he felt...like he was a part of it all. Like these memories belonged to him now too.

The food the other Eren had fed him was strange, like nothing he’d tasted in his world, but he’d enjoyed it. Eren put his empty bowl down and leaned back in his chair, looking up at the clouded night sky. The moon peeked through the clouds, full and bright.

A tentative question broke through the quiet. _So can I ask now...What do you want with Annie?_

_You know Annie?_ Their shared heart pounded.

_Woah, calm down. I didn’t mean to get us all worked up. Yeah, I’ve known Annie for a long time. She and Mikasa were really close growing up, but about a year ago she disappeared. How do you know her?_

_In my world, Annie’s a shifter like me,_ he explained haltingly. _But she’s working with our enemies. I thought maybe she was here in this world, that maybe I could convince her to help me._

_I have no idea if my Annie will be able to help you, I don’t even know where she is. But after you left, Hanji told us she’d heard of the Titans._

_What?_ Eren jumped to his feet and looked around the garden frantically although the answers were within him. His head spun. 

_Hey, take it easy. I’m too drunk for this._

Eren tried to relax again, sitting back down. _What do you mean Hanji learned about this?_

_Yeah, she learned about them in one of her classes years ago. She said it freaked her out so much she had to drop the class._

His mind swam as he tried to take this in.

The other Eren continued, _Mikasa told me she remembers things that happened to us too. Things that I saw the last time you were here._

_Your Mikasa remembers?_

_She had dreams when she was a kid. About...our mother and a smiling monster._

Eren was horrified that this other Mikasa remembered, and thrilled. If she remembered...if the Hanji of this world had learned about the Titans...then it meant that this world might be the same as theirs. It meant that somehow they had managed to eradicate the Titans. Eren blinked back tears. He wanted to weep with relief, with hope, with vindication.

_Your life is really fucked up, isn’t it?_ The other Eren thought sadly.

Eren’s head jerked up at the words. After he and Historia had been rescued, after Eren had told them what he remembered, Levi had said something similar. “A lot of fucked up shit has happened to you, Eren. I’m sorry.”

He didn’t mean to share it, but the memory swam to the surface, gasping for air. He’d tried so hard not to dwell on the night after the rescue, to convince himself that it hadn’t pushed Levi away, to convince himself it hadn’t meant anything at all, and now the dam had burst.

Crying himself to sleep in Levi’s arms, waking up and leaving as quickly as he could even though he knew it was painfully obvious he wanted to stay forever.

The other Eren was kind. Their body filled with warmth, pushing out the shame, and he gave something in return. A sister memory. The room was dark, and Levi was holding him in bed, rubbing the other Eren’s back in soft, soothing strokes. He said, almost inaudible, “I’m here. I’m not leaving.”

_He’s not going to think any less of you for being human. He loves you, right?_

_It’s not like it is between you two._ Eren thought of Levi - tried to show the other Eren why it was different for them. Levi was his captain, and if Hanji thought he treated Eren differently, well, it was because he had to. He’d agreed to take responsibility for Eren. He needed him to win against the Titans.

_Slow down. Can you start from the beginning?_ the other Eren requested, and Eren obliged.  

_Jesus fucking christ,_ the other Eren thought after he’d seen that awful day in the courtroom. _What the fuck?_

_He had to. He had to show them all that I wasn’t a threat._

_That must have been horrible for him. You too, obviously, but...Levi’s the guy who takes spiders and puts them outside on the windowsill. He hates spiders, but he does it anyway. He would never hurt something if he didn’t need to._

Eren had never really thought of it like that before. It wasn’t a shock exactly; he knew how much Levi valued life, and of course he knew Levi hadn’t enjoyed hurting him. But he’d never considered it might have been difficult for Levi to do despite it being for a cause he believed in.  

He thought how afterwards Levi had asked if Eren resented him. He thought of how Levi had made sure no one hurt him when he’d accidentally transformed, how Levi hadn’t blamed him after Squad Levi were killed. How Levi had told Sasha where to buy his birthday cake. How Levi had alluded to...to doing something for Eren’s birthday next year. It was never Levi’s kindness that was in question.

_Well, he definitely cares about you, and it’s obvious how you feel. You should test the waters. I know Levi can be hard to read, but he doesn’t tend to go out of his way for just anyone._

_He’s my captain._

_Well, don’t go shouting it off the rooftops or anything._

Eren didn’t reply.

_Do you want to go, I don’t know, go cuddle with him or something?_

Eren went rigid. _Why would I do that?_ For all they resembled one another, the Levi in this world wasn’t his.

_I don’t know. You make it hard for me to stay mad at him. This conversation made me want to be close to him, and I wasn’t sure if you’d mind. If he knows I’m here too, I think he’d be okay with it._

Of course Eren wanted to feel Levi’s arms around him again. He wanted to wake up in them under different circumstances. But the thought of make-believe, of pretending, even if they were deceiving this Levi, disturbed Eren.

A warmth spread through their chest, approval from the other Eren. _Wow, I guess we are alike._

Eren felt it then, without the other Eren telling him. A protective feeling, the desire to shield Eren from the horrors of his world. They sat like that in the garden together, volleying memories back and forth to one another. Happy ones. Surfing with Mikasa and Armin, Armin talking about the ocean.

For the first time, this world felt like a gift.   

And when he felt that familiar tug, as he was pulled back to his own world, the other Eren whispered, aloud, “I’ll find a way to help you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments & kudos always appreciated <3
> 
> Thank you to [ Sugarplumsenpai](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugarplumsenpai/pseuds/sugarplumsenpai) and [ Fluffymusketeer ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fluffymusketeer/pseuds/fluffymusketeer) for being great betas and letting me talk through my odd little story all the time!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again to everyone who's been reading this fic. Your support makes this a joy to write <3

A soft breeze rustled the lace curtains of the study as Levi stared out the open window, down at the point in the garden where he’d seen Eren fall. Despite his best efforts, he had still been unable to take his attention off of Eren; Levi had been down there in an instant, pushing past Historia’s guards, lifting Eren from the garden’s stone-path and carrying him to his quarters. 

“He’ll be fine,” Erwin said from the other side of the room. 

Levi turned away from the window to look at Erwin. He wasn’t certain if the platitude was directed at Historia or himself. Historia had been concerned about Eren, but was now seated in one of the study’s large armchairs, calmly pouring over one of the legal documents Erwin had brought to her attention. She didn’t seem to have noticed that Erwin had spoken. Perhaps the assurance was meant for him then. Erwin did have a talent for noting the subtleties of Levi’s moods. 

“He’s a fucking disaster,” Levi corrected sharply, masking his concern. He hoped Eren was in the other world at least. That this wasn’t some new nuisance of a power they’d need to contend with. “Too much has happened to him at once between the memories, the hardening abilities, and this.” Hanji was pushing him too hard. Eren was pushing himself too hard.

Erwin looked up from the legal documents he was perusing, a peculiar look on his face. The assessing one he reserved for particularly challenging pieces of information, changes to plans. Levi met Erwin’s gaze before he looked away again, back out the window and away from the scrutiny.        

There was a soft knock at the door, and Armin stepped inside. “He’s still unconscious. Squad Leader Hanji believes contact with Historia had something to do with this. Based on our previous observations, we think he should be up in the next two to six hours.” 

It was getting late. At this rate, Levi would have to force his squad to return to their rooms and get some rest. Tonight he could get a few hours of restless sleep in Eren’s room; most nights he fell asleep in the chair by his bed anyway. This way Eren wouldn’t wake up alone if something bad had happened. 

Hanji barrelled into the room, barely looking around before rattling off her theories. “It was Historia who triggered Eren’s memories before! While we’re still in Mitras with Historia, I’m going to need to run some more experiments. This is a fascinating development!”

Hanji didn’t seem to register Levi’s glare. “He’s not even awake yet, and you’re already planning on how to knock him out again?” Levi snapped. “Fucking hell, Hanji, why don’t you just try punching him in the head at this rate?”

“Oh! I hadn’t thought of that.” There was a glimmer in Hanji’s eyes. “It would be interesting to know if Eren only needs to be unconscious to visit the other world.”

“Give it a rest, will you? At least wait until he wakes up and tells us what happened.”

“Levi’s right,” Erwin said. “We need to wait until we hear from Eren before we can revise our plan. If he really has gone to the other world, that means our schedule’s been thrown off. He’ll likely need more time to recuperate before he can return. Or continue with any experiments you have planned.”       

“Fine, fine.” Hanji waved a hand and took a seat by Erwin. 

“You really think I had something to with it?” Historia’s voice was quiet but there was force behind it. 

Armin nodded. “As Squad Leader Hanji said, it does seem connected. Your touch was the trigger for Eren’s recovered memories before, and this time it seems it was a catalyst as well.” 

“In that case, I want to help any way I can,” she said, jaw set in a determined line. “You can all stay in Mitras for as long as needed.” She looked around at everyone in the room, making eye contact with each of them. “I’ll make sure we find space for you to train. And if I really can send Eren to the other world...then he won’t need to transform as often.”  

The time Levi had spent with Historia on his squad and the time he’d spent with her as queen were limited but starkly contrasted. Not for the first time, he was impressed by her confidence, her presence in the room commanding despite the softness of her voice. 

Levi nodded at Historia and moved from his position by the window. “I’m going to send the brats off to bed. That includes you,” he said over his shoulder to Armin. “I’ll stay with Eren,” he added before Armin could protest. 

“That’s a good idea. Come get me if he wakes up,” Hanji said. 

Erwin added, “Try to get some rest yourself, Levi.”  

“Sure.” 

When Levi arrived at Eren’s room, he stopped at the door for a moment as he heard his squad speaking. 

“No wonder Jaeger can never do his chores anymore. I knew it was weird Captain Levi was never pissed at him for oversleeping,” Jean said. 

“I just hope he’s gonna be okay,” Connie said. “He’s been out for hours. Is it always like this?” 

“Yeah,” Mikasa said. “Usually.” 

There was a pause, and then Sasha’s voice. “I really wish you’d told us before. We care about Eren too. Even Jean.”

“Whatever,” Jean said, but there wasn’t any real bite behind it. 

To Levi’s surprise, Mikasa said, “I know. But it’s...strange _.  _ We didn’t tell Squad Leader Hanji at first either.”   

Eren’s other world was a source of embarrassment for Mikasa. The odd piece of information that Jean and Mikasa’s counterparts were married was the kind of extraneous detail none of them needed about the world Eren had stumbled upon, and it had not been shared with any of the others yesterday. Though it was a reality removed from their own, it still carried with it a whiff of uncomfortable, unwelcome gossip, and Levi was glad Eren and Hanji had left it out earlier.    

“It’s okay. I’m glad we know now,” Sasha said. 

Levi finally entered the room. “Oi, why are you all still awake? You’re up early tomorrow.” 

His squad scrambled to their feet, standing to attention in front of him. 

“Stop that. Just get out of here. Sleep.” 

Mikasa glared at him. “I’m not leaving Eren alone. Sir,” she added belatedly, a challenge in her eyes. 

“He won’t be alone. Now go. That’s an order, Mikasa.”

Sasha tugged Mikasa’s arm and pulled her alongside as they all left the room. Jean and Mikasa both cast pensive looks back at Eren. 

The room went quiet. Too still, too warm. Lying flat on his back on top of the covers, Eren looked closer to death than to sleep. He was breathing, though, which was something. Levi went to open the window to let some air in. 

Levi dozed off in the chair beside Eren’s bed, and when he awoke Eren was still unconscious. Without thinking, Levi reached a hand out to brush away the hair that had fallen over Eren’s closed eyes, sticking to his forehead. He let it rest there for a beat before he pulled away. 

The room was still too warm. He went to the other window and opened that one as well. When he turned back around, wide green eyes were watching him.

Eren blinked at him, dazed. “Did you bring me back?” he asked groggily.  

“It was probably your loud friends.” Nevermind that it had probably been a couple of hours since he’d kicked them out. Levi sat back down. “Need a minute? Or are you ready to tell me what happened?” 

A grin broke out across Eren’s face. “Captain,” he said, voice so full of startling joy that Levi almost drew back. Eren scrambled to sit up and face Levi. “Captain, they can help us. The other Eren he--he told me that Hanji’s heard of the Titans. She’s going to find out more for us.”

Hope blossomed in Levi’s chest, but he knew better than to be slave to it. Humanity’s Hope was certainly living up to his namesake now. It was written all over his face. 

“Good work, Eren,” he said. He nodded but didn’t return Eren’s smile. “I’m going to get Hanji and Erwin, or I’ll never hear the end of it.” 

The smile remained plastered on Eren’s face, stiffer now. “I’ll come with you. It’s probably better if I move a bit anyway.”  

Eren was still fully dressed, though of course Levi had removed his boots when he’d brought him in. As he sat up, he paused to stretch both arms over heads. He still looked exhausted. More plans would be formed quickly given Eren’s breakthrough; before they sent him back, though, he should have at least a couple days of rest. The rest of his lazy friends could handle a few extra chores, Levi thought. 

The castle was quiet. Most of the servants had retired to their wing, and his squad must have heeded him and gone to bed. Truth be told, the Corp’s sudden integration with the capital was unsettling, and Levi’s feeling of displacement was mitigated only when the the palace was quiet. He could close his eyes and imagine the crumbling castles where’d they’d set up base in the past. 

Here, the rooms were standardized, but too luxurious. Soft sheets and blankets, beds with ornately crafted headboards, lace curtains on every window, and soft pastels painting the walls. Levi much prefered the no-frills layout of HQ. 

Eren’s silence gnawed at Levi as they made their way to the East Wing of castle, where the officers were staying. Maybe he should have let himself show a bit more enthusiasm. If they could find answers in this other world, if there was something that could give them the upper hand, who knew how many lives they could spare? Even just knowing about the Female Titan’s scream, her hardening abilities, could have turned the tides of battle for them. His squad--No. Speculating about this wouldn’t do him any good. 

Levi cleared his throat. “How are you feeling?” He flinched at the loudness of his voice in the empty hallways. 

“Still tired, but alright. It’s getting a little easier every time. Even in the other world, I can move more easily. Things are clearer there now. Kind of.” Eren let out a short laugh. 

Levi raised an eyebrow.  

“The other Eren was drunk when I got there,” he explained, giving Levi a sheepish smile.

It made Levi chuckle, and Eren’s eyes brightened again. Not quite the way they had when he’d first woken up, but it was something. “Hanji will like that.” 

“I know.” Eren laughed. “I almost forgot to mention it, but I’ll make sure to tell her.” 

They reached Hanji’s room first, and the door flew open seconds after Levi knocked. 

Levi held up a hand before Hanji could say a word. “Don’t get any ideas. Go tell Erwin to meet us in the study.” 

Deflated, Hanji sighed but acquiesced, heading in the opposite direction towards Erwin’s room. Before she moved out of earshot, Levi said over his shoulder, “It’s good news.” 

Hanji grinned back at them, prideful eyes resting on Eren who returned her smile. Levi could feel the energy, the excitement, vibrating off of Eren. He didn’t want to tamper it down entirely, but it made him uneasy.   

The uneasiness carried over even as they all assembled in the study around the table in the center of the room and Eren explained to them how he’d been able to share memories with his other self. How there were books on Titans that the other Hanji was going to find. 

Erwin and Hanji’s frequent interjections--questions about the books and the mechanics of the communication between both Erens--prolonged the conversation. Levi appreciated the level of detail and the complexity involved, but he thought most of it would be better left until morning. At least Eren didn’t seem bothered by it, eager to help though he yawned between answers. 

They were deep into the night and had gone through several pots of tea before Hanji ran out of steam and questions. 

“It’s amazing, Eren. You’ve made great progress--even while drunk!” Hanji grinned. 

Erwin looked amused and nodded with approval. “We’ll discuss our next course of action tomorrow. For now, I think we could all use some rest.” 

Eren and Levi both stood to leave, but Hanji and Erwin remained seated. 

“Levi, Hanji, a word,” Erwin said. 

Hanji hadn’t made a move to leave, so she must have known this ‘word’ was coming. She pretended not to see Levi’s scowl. 

Eren cast a worried glance back at the room as he departed, lingering on Levi for a moment longer than the others, but he left without argument. 

It wasn’t out of the ordinary that Erwin would want to discuss matters with only two of his top officers, but it felt out of place here given Eren’s centrality to the operation. Whatever it was that Erwin wanted to say without Eren present, Levi doubted he wanted to hear it.   

“What’s this about?” Levi didn’t sit back down, face impassive as he stared down at Hanji and Erwin who remained in their seats.

“There were gaps in Eren’s story.” 

There were always gaps in Eren’s stories. This was partially by Levi’s design as he’d been the one to advise Eren they he needn’t give them every minor detail of this other world--for instance knowing that this other Levi had been chopping an onion was a waste of time. Eren was clever enough to know what was worth sharing and what he could keep to himself. 

“He’s confirmed that they’re looking for answers about the Titans. They even have a lead. What more do you think he can tell us?” 

Hanji drummed her fingers on the table. “If the Titans exist there in history books and Eren’s powers have somehow allowed him to travel to the future, then how are we all there? How do we all know one another? I want to know more about our other selves, and I suspect there are things Eren isn’t telling us.” 

A chill slithered down Levi’s spine. So all those little details about their lives...maybe they held more answers than any of them had considered. 

“What makes you think he’ll tell me more?” 

“Eren trusts you, Levi. That was part of the reason I wanted him in your custody,” Erwin said.   

A pang of guilt hit Levi. What would Erwin think of the night he’d let Eren sleep in his arms? They may not have been in his bed, but it was close enough. The lines, the careful boundaries Levi needed to maintain, had never been more muddled. He’d told Eren things he’d never told anyone else. There was a difference between earning Eren’s trust and providing guidance and whatever had happened between them after Eren’s rescue.

“You should talk to him,” Hanji said. “Try to help him remember any additional details. It’s probably too overwhelming with the rest of your squad making a fuss and bombarding him with questions.” She watched Levi carefully, and there was a gentleness to her tone that Levi suspected meant she had picked up on something in his mind. Hanji could be disarmingly perceptive when you weren’t expecting it. 

Levi sighed. From a practical standpoint, this was true. Between’s Mikasa hovering and Jean’s bitching, Eren was only going to lose his temper and focus. Relaxed, Eren might recall important details about the other world. After all, he’d almost forgotten that the other Eren had been drunk, that this may have been what allowed them to communicate. 

“Fine,” he said. “I’ll talk to him tomorrow.” 

He was drawn to Eren, but what that meant exactly had not taken shape. It was a murky sort of pull that Levi had yet to understand. Better he keep his distance than to confuse matters further. Not when he had seen the way Eren looked at him when he woke up in Levi’s arms. Tomorrow, he would proceed with care.    

 

 

 

The next morning, he rapped his knuckles on Eren’s door. He was greeted with a, “Go away!” 

“No,” Levi said. 

There was a silence and then Eren opened the door, looking mortified. “Sorry, sir,” he mumbled. “I thought you were Mikasa again.” 

“Lucky for you, I’m not.” 

Eren gave a tiny, unsure smile. “Captain…?”    

“We’re going into town. That is, if you don’t feel as shitty as you look.” 

“No, no...I’m fine to go with you.” Eren ducked his head, trying to hide a smile. He gathered his things and followed Levi downstairs. 

Before they could leave the castle, Sasha poked her head around the corner of the corridor. “Captain, are you going back to the bakery?” 

From behind Sasha he could hear murmuring, managed to catch a few stray words, “Ask him…” “No! Captain Levi won’t…” They were a bunch of idiots, but their concern for Eren and nosiness were amusing. 

“Yes.” 

“Could you bring us some of the little sweet cakes? Please, sir?”  

Levi rolled his eyes. “I’m not your delivery boy, Braus. Get them yourself.” 

He turned, but caught Sasha making pleading gestures at Eren--who was fidgeting, anxious to leave--out of the corner of his eye. “Get your sweet cakes in town tomorrow with your day off. And tell the rest of the brats that we’ll be back in a couple of hours.” 

Sasha nodded. “Captain, what should we do until you return?” 

“Go train with the MPs and make them shit their pants. Then report to Squad Leader Hanji for further assignments.”   

“Yes, sir!” Sasha gave a sloppy salute, and the whispering from the corridor intensified, followed swiftly by an angry shush, which came from Mikasa judging by Eren’s scowl. 

“Stop fucking around. All of you,” Levi said as he headed towards the door.  

Eren returned Sasha’s wave and they left.  

 

 

 

It was overcast again; the dreary grey sky drizzling down stray droplets on Eren’s hair, his eyelashes, his cheeks. Neither pulled up their hoods; the rain was a refreshing reprieve.

Even in a few months, the change to Mitras was impressive. They were passing one of the new shelters that Historia had set up, near the entrance to the underground city.

“Captain...is it really true that you used to live in the underground?” Eren asked. 

Where had he…? Ah, right, Petra. Levi hadn’t been too pleased with her bit of gossip--helpful intentions aside--but now he only felt a pang of fondness at her gesture of kindness towards Eren. 

Of course Eren had tucked that piece of information away. It was surprising he would bring it up now, but he supposed since they were alone, that Eren was trying to be thoughtful. Ungraceful, but trying. 

“Why the hell do you want to know about that?” 

“I just thought you might want to talk about it. Sorry, sir,” Eren mumbled, not sounding very sorry. If he had Levi probably wouldn’t have considered the question. He prefered it when Eren wasn’t trying to please him, when he relaxed enough to have an honest reaction, even to tease Levi.  

“It’s true.” 

“What was it like?” 

“Dark. Smelled like shit. It doesn’t matter now, though.” He gestured back the way they’d come. “You saw the shelters, the orphanage.” 

Eren cast him a sidelong look. “Even though Historia’s trying to relocate everyone above ground...It seems like you don’t like being back here very much. ” 

“Oh?” How the hell could Eren tell that? 

“Yeah. Your face gets all pinched when you’re really unhappy.” 

Surprising himself, Levi let out a laugh. “Are you trying to tell me I look constipated being back in Mitras?” The disparity between the rich and the poor still made anger boil up inside of him, but it wasn’t bubbling over to the surface the way it used to. 

“I guess so.” Eren seemed to become aware of himself, self-conscious then, and he rubbed the back of his neck.  

“There’s still a lot of work to be done here. We have bigger battles ahead of us now, but maybe someday those will be the ones we can fight for. Everyone deserves a decent life. Or at least a decent chance at one.” 

“You really care about people don’t you,” Eren murmured, more to himself than to Levi, eyes cast down at the ground. “The other Eren knows that about you too.” 

Unease settled in Levi’s stomach. There was something about the way Eren talked around their counterparts. No one commented on it, but it was strange and suspiciously serendipitous that Eren seemed to so easily come upon both the other Eren  _ and _ Levi. It was exactly what he’d been tasked to find out more about, but he would wait until they had bought their food and would be without interruption. 

He grunted in acknowledgement, but stayed quiet. They were just arriving at the bakery, tucked away down one of the narrow, side streets. “Don’t forget to bring back the sweet cakes.”

“I won’t,” Eren said. “Or Sasha will probably eat me instead.”  

In addition to the sweet cakes, the baker had put out some freshly baked cinnamon rolls. He assured them they were best hot, and Levi bought two.  

They sat down on the stone ledge overlooking the canal. The sun had returned in full force, and the water sparkled up at them invitingly.

Levi kept his pastry wrapped in the wax paper to keep his hands from getting sticky, but Eren removed his without hesitation, pausing between bites to lick the sugar from his fingers.  _ Disgusting,  _ Levi thought, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away. 

Eren kicked his feet against the edge as he ate, unable to sit still. 

Levi was about to tell him to quit it when Eren turned to him and blurted out, “Captain...Historia told me that you were on your way to my birthday party that day. Why didn’t--why didn’t you come in the end?” Though he spoke haltingly, he didn’t look away. He was brave today, Levi had to give him that.  

He frowned as he considered the question (and quietly cursed Historia), though it would be best if he moved them off this topic and onto the matter of Eren’s other world and anything else he might remember. Then again, if he shut Eren down too harshly, he might be less inclined to share any further detail.    

“Something came up.”

He’d intended to stop by Eren’s party to see if he’d liked the cake and to give Eren the small tin of sweets he’d bought for him. For all the difficulty having a squad full of teenagers posed, Levi appreciated their company. They could often draw a laugh out of him when he least expected it and most needed it. 

But when he’d arrived Eren had been arguing with Jean, the rest of their friends laughing around them. Levi had turned on his heels and walked back down the tower’s winding stairs. His presence would have chipped away at their carefree party. Eren had been through so much. It was better Levi let him enjoy his day with his friends. 

Eren tilted his head at Levi. “I’m glad you even considered coming, sir. It was really nice of you.” 

Levi startled as Eren rested a hand on his arm, looking at Levi with a mix of longing and resignation. 

And the world began to go black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to [ Fluffymusketeer ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fluffymusketeer/pseuds/fluffymusketeer) for reading this one over for me!
> 
> As always, comments & kudos always make my day <3


	9. Chapter 9

He emerged from the inky depths, the all-consuming darkness, into consciousness. To bliss. His eyes remained closed, but the sun warmed his face. Piano music played softly nearby, a song he didn’t recognise.  

Every inch of him relaxed, melting into the soft sheets. His entire body alight with arousal even in this hazy state. He couldn’t recall the last time he’d felt this turned on. Someone was sucking at his neck as they stroked his aching cock with one hand and fingered him opened with another. It felt a little like he was still floating, and he thought it must be a beautiful dream. 

“Does that feel good?” A breathy whisper came from behind him, the voice familiar. 

Eyes still closed, he arched back into a strong chest, marveling at how good it felt to be taken care of like this. He moaned as the hand slid down to cup his balls, followed by a firm stroke from base to tip. The lips returned to his neck, kissing just beneath his ear, and oh  _ god  _ that was just the spot he liked. 

How long had it been since he’d let anyone touch him like this? 

“I love you so fucking much, Levi.” 

His body went still as stone. He knew that voice.  

Levi’s eyes flew open, and it dawned on him that maybe this was not a dream at all. The floating sensation was quickly dissipating. He scrambled away from those sure, coaxing hands and turned around to face-- 

_ Eren?  _

What the hell were he and Eren doing in bed together? They’d been--they’d only been eating cinnamon rolls by the canal for fuck’s sake. Bedding Eren had never been part of the day’s itinerary. Before he could figure out how to deal with the situation, he needed to understand how there had come to be a situation in the first place. 

“Levi? God, Levi, are you okay? What’s wrong? Did I do something?” Eren’s eyes were wide and full of worry, voice frantic, but he also looked...Levi swallowed as he took him in, head swimming. Eren’s cheeks were flushed and his hair was wild around his face. He was naked and hard, though it seemed his cock was starting to get the message that something was wrong.  

Levi stood and looked around the room, anywhere but at Eren, trying to determine what kind of inn this was and how they’d gotten there. It was like nothing he’d seen before. The crisp white sheets and even the lanterns too bizarrely luxurious and out of place even for Mitras. Had they somehow ended up in a high-class brothel together? Alcohol must have been involved, but that didn’t make any sense unless someone had slipped something into their drinks. And if they had somehow gone from cinnamon rolls to a brothel, it certainly didn’t explain why it was just the two of them in bed together.     

“Eren,” he said. “Tell me what the fuck is going on. Now.” 

Eren gaped at him before he started babbling, “I’m sorry! I just thought it would be a nice way to wake you up. Usually you love it. And I just wanted to do something nice for you since things have been so weird lately. Are you angry with me?”  

“Usually?” Levi gave him a hard look. He was quite sure Eren had never woken him up like this before. 

They stared at one another in silent confusion until understanding flickered across Eren’s face. “Who are you?” 

“Levi.” 

“But you’re not my Levi, are you?” he asked slowly. 

He had the same sensation one might feel if they had come home to find a few items had been shifted just a few inches out of place. This room. All the pieces of furniture and decorations that Levi could identify but not quite place. This Eren that was recognisable but not--sharper, older. 

Levi rubbed his hands over his face as the realisation dawned on him: He was not in Mitras anymore, and this was not the Eren he knew. 

“No,” he said, looking around the room once more. “I suppose I’m not.” 

A humorless laugh burst out of Eren. “This can’t be happening. Oh my god, this is absurd.” He raked his hands through his hair and laughed again.  

Levi, still naked, sat back down on the bed, hunching over so his arms rested on his knees. He shot a nasty look behind him at Eren, whose nervous laughter was finally dying down, before putting his head in his hands. The blissful feeling he’d awoken too had been replaced by exhaustion. 

No wonder his Eren had had such difficulty trying to describe this place. Alarming awakening aside, things were similar but off enough to confuse and unbalance. The Eren of this world was the perfect example. He was most assuredly Eren, but  _ off.  _ Levi wondered whether this version of himself would have that same odd, eerie offness. 

“Does that mean...are you Captain Levi?” 

Levi nodded. 

The laughter had subsided, and there was quiet wonder in Eren’s voice. “How did you even get here? I thought the other me was the only one who could do this because of, you know, his Titan powers.”   

“I was with him before this happened. Somehow he’s used his powers on me.” Which meant Eren was now back with Levi’s unconscious body in the middle of the city.  The absurdity that being transported to another world instead of getting drunk was somehow a more reasonable explanation for finding himself mid-foreplay with Eren was not lost on Levi.

A cold realisation jolted through him. Erwin’s words played back in his head:  _ There are gaps in his story.  _ So this had been one of the gaps. He lifted his head from his hands and turned to look at Eren who was tugging on a pair of odd looking trousers. His face reddened when he caught Levi looking. 

“He didn’t tell you,” Eren said. “About us.” 

“No.” 

Eren crossed his arms over his chest and turned away. After a moment he said, “I bet you could do with some tea now...and some clothes.” 

Levi huffed out a laugh in spite of himself. 

“The good news is, they’re all your size.” 

While Eren opened the dresser to find some clothes, Levi stood and walked to the opposite end of the room where a mirror rested against the wall. His nakedness didn’t bother him--in his own world he and Eren had seen one another naked before, and in this world it was obvious Eren knew his body well. Though the thought gave him a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, he tried to ignore it. There’d be time enough for that later. 

His reflection frowned back at him. He wasn’t normally one to scrutinise himself excessively, but that same  _ offness  _ drew him in. Unlike Eren, he looked to be about the same age, and his facial features were identical, but he looked healthier. The usual circles under his eyes less prominent, and while he was not as muscular, he was still firmly built. 

But his body was clear of scars, skin smooth and almost entirely unblemished. Wounds he’d carried with him throughout his life, erased. He stared at himself, stunned. 

“Okay, we get it,” Eren said. “You’re attractive. Put some clothes on.”

“Shut up,” Levi said, but he was too distracted and disoriented for there to be any real bite behind it. 

“Sorry. I was just trying to lighten the mood. I can’t imagine how weird this must be for you. I mean it’s weird enough for me, but in some ways it feels like I’m just a bystander in this whole thing.” Eren held out some clothes. 

Levi nodded and took them. “Thanks,” he said, tugging on the underwear. Next he turned the trousers over in his hands. He didn’t recognise the material, and he didn’t like how tough it felt. 

“I’m an idiot. Try these instead.” Eren tossed another pair at him, which Levi caught reflexively. 

He pulled on the softer trousers along with a shirt. He had to admit the clothes in this world were much more comfortable than what he was used to. Except whatever those trousers had been made of. That was terrible. 

“Let me make you some tea? We can talk. I’m sure the other me already told you about a lot of the things we have here that might, um, alarm you, but I’ll do my best.” Levi had seen Eren, his Eren, look at him this way before. Guarded, shy, as he said, “I’m sure you were a better teacher than me.” 

“What?”

“My Levi. I’m sure he was better at handling this than I am.” 

It was strange, to hear Eren speak about him that way.  _ It isn’t really Eren _ , Levi reminded himself, head still spinning. The sinking feeling creeping back. 

Eren led him through to the kitchen and he took a seat on a stool at a gleaming countertop in the middle of the room. It was so bright, light streaming through the windows, overlooking a peaceful garden. A wooden bowl filled with apples sat in front of him, and everything in the kitchen was neat and tidy. Levi’s chest ached. He longed for something he couldn’t give name to. 

“This is an electric kettle,” Eren announced, shaking Levi from his thoughts. “You just had to have one.”

He sighed, but watched with reluctant curiosity as Eren fiddled with the contraption. Levi selected one of the teas he was offered-- _ for fuck’s sake, something simple _ \--and he was amazed when after only a few minutes, Eren poured the boiling water from the kettle into Levi’s mug.

“Not bad,” Levi said. Fast and simple. He had to admit they had the right idea here. 

Eren grinned, looking relieved. “I thought you might like it.”  

Now that Levi had a cup of tea in hand and a slightly better grasp on the situation, he studied this Eren more carefully. He had at least five or so years on the one Levi knew. Eren was objectively a handsome young man, but the one who sat across from him was...Levi cut off the line of thought.  

“It’s funny, though,” Eren mused, “it took awhile before your Eren could do much of anything here, but you seem fine. In control.” 

Fine didn’t seem like the right word, but he had a point. He’d have to remember to tell Hanji about that when he went back. 

Eren had said he felt a tug at the base of his neck before he returned, but since Levi was not a titan shifter, he suspected that Eren would need to figure out a way to bring him back. Eren clearly hadn’t meant to send him here or known it was possible, so how the hell was he going to do that? Though he had faith in Eren’s abilities, the thought was unsettling. 

The best outcome was that Eren had found somewhere safe to bring Levi--a hospital or an inn not too far away--and sent word to Hanji or had gone to fetch her himself. There was no telling how long it would take for them to figure out a plan, though. If he wasn’t too weak from his unexpected transformation, he might even try to return here himself. 

As if sensing Levi’s thought, Eren asked, “Is my Levi in there with you?” He reached a hand over, and Levi flinched and moved out of the way when he tried to tap his head.Startled, Eren frowned and pulled his hand back. 

He remembered Eren had said something about it being strange having two people in your head. “How can I tell if he’s in here?” 

“Uh. Close your eyes and try to...think at him. I could feel your Eren in my head, and I was able to communicate with him last time.” He frowned. “The times before that were scary. Sometimes I could hear what he was saying, and see what he was thinking, but other times it was like I was trapped in darkness.” 

Closing his eyes, he tried to feel out if there was an extra presence in his mind--whatever the fuck that might feel like--but it was quiet. Levi’s head throbbed, but it was no more than it usually did if he’d gotten even less sleep than usual or hadn’t drunk enough water. What Eren described sounded awful, and he hoped that this would be over soon for his counterpart. 

“I don’t feel anything,” Levi said. 

“Oh.” Eren sounded disappointed. “Maybe it doesn’t work like that the first few times.” 

“You’d also been drinking.” Levi shrugged. “Hanji thinks that might have played a part in it.” 

“Mine said that was a possibility too.”

His Hanji would love that. He’d have to remember to tell her when he returned.  _ If  _ he returned. 

“Funny how similar we all seem to be,” Eren mused. “I didn’t realise it until last time when your Eren shared some of his memories with me.”   

Something in Eren’s tone made Levi bristle. Something searching, leading. His skin prickled as though he could sense the intrusive turn the conversation was taking, helpless to stop it despite the glare he’d directed at Eren.  

“There’s too much sugar in this tea--” 

“Why do you think he didn’t tell you about us?” 

The futile attempt at taking control of the conversation hung awkwardly in the air alongside the question. Levi’s words died on his lips, and a heavy silence fell over them. Examined from a distance, the question made sense. But Levi could see the challenge in Eren’s eyes; there was more behind this than mere curiosity.  

Levi knew why his Eren hadn’t told him about the relationship between their counterparts. 

A dangerous tension had been brewing between Levi and the Eren he knew. Circumstance may have brought them together, but it was more that kept them circling one another. It was his responsibility to make sure that it didn’t bubble over to the surface. Eren was the one he’d been concerned about, but if he’d kept this to himself, maybe he had more control and more of a realistic view of the situation than Levi anticipated. 

Levi volleyed a question back. “Why would he have?” 

Eren looked surprised, but recovered quickly. “It’s just...you care about him. I know you do. I expected him to use this as a way to tell you. I probably would have.” He gave Levi a sad smile. “That night that you held him...what you told him. I could feel all of it like it happened to me too.” 

Levi froze, his hand clenched around the cup. He didn’t feel the heat spreading through his fingers, only cold. 

“It was exactly what you would have done for me here. What you  _ have  _ done for me here.” Eren’s voice was strong and sure. “I think you’re the same.” 

That snapped Levi back to himself. “We’re not the same,” he bit out. “None of this is the same. You’re not the same as Eren, and I’m sure as hell not the same as your Levi. Look around you,” Levi gestured around the spotless kitchen, the fruit bowl, the cabinet he’d seen was full of more tea than anyone could possibly have any use for. “None of us are the fucking same. You’ve seen our world, our circumstances.” 

Eren looked chastised, but the determined glint in his eye remained. Levi had just gotten done with his speech about their differences, and here Eren was making him second-guess that statement. 

“I know what I saw!” Eren banged his hand against the table. “You say you’re not the same, but both of you can sure be infuriating assholes when you want to.” 

Levi hated that someone else had seen that memory. That night had been intimate in it’s way. He didn’t want to share that with anyone else, even another Eren. 

He didn’t want to share how late at night and unable to sleep, he’d stumbled on Eren crying alone. A ghost in one of the castle corners, hiding in the shadows out of reach of the moonlight that crept through the windows. How without thinking very much of it, Levi had ushered Eren to his quarters and sat him down on the small sofa. The soft crying turned into sobs that wracked Eren’s entire body. 

How Levi had reached for him, holding him through his sobs and stroking his hair as he spoke. “I lost someone very recently,” he’d said dully. “The man who raised me was involved with your kidnapping. I’m not sure if anyone told you that yet. I didn’t know it before, but he was my uncle. It’s not the same as what happened to you, not exactly. But both our hands were forced, Eren. I made a choice, in the end, but you never had one.”

How Eren hadn’t responded but had tightened his arms around Levi’s waist until his breathing began to even out. How Levi had held him until he fell asleep. 

How when Eren had woken up a little later, their eyes met, and suddenly it rang out clear as a bell, reverberating through Levi’s entire body. Eren was in love with him, and it would ruin them both if Levi wasn’t careful. He had torn his gaze away, and carefully untangled Eren from his arms. 

His voice had been raw and rough when he spoke, like he’d been the one crying. “You should go now.” 

Eren had nodded and hurriedly left the room without another word or even a glance back. After Eren was gone loneliness had crept into every corner of the room, like dust. 

Eren’s counterpart watched him now, mouth turned down into a sympathetic frown. His eyes no longer full of anger. “It’s okay.” 

“You saw all of it,” Levi said. 

“He didn’t mean to show me.” 

“What happened that night was wrong.” 

Eren scoffed. “Why?” 

It didn’t matter if Eren had shared the memory by mistake or by design. This presumptuous bastard needed to mind his own business. “I don’t have to justify myself to you.” 

“You might as well. You’re going to have to justify yourself to him.” 

“Has anyone ever told you how fucking annoying you are? If they haven’t, I’ll gladly be the first.” 

“Yeah, well. You’re the one who’s in love with me.” 

If he was in love with either Eren, it was certainly not this one. 

“I know you think that because our lives are so different, we’re not the same. But you can’t fool me.” 

“I’m not having this conversation with you.” If he hadn’t had this conversation with himself yet, why would he have it with some stranger in Eren’s body? 

“Of course you’re not,” Eren muttered. “Why am I even surprised? You’re years of therapy behind.” 

Levi ignored him and whatever bullshit he was spewing. He picked up his mug of tea and walked to the living room. It was presumptuous, but he wasn’t going to stand there as this other Eren grumbled about things he had no business involving himself in. Levi needed a minute to collect his thoughts. 

Light was streaming in through the windows in the living room. They wanted for nothing here; just outside the window, there was a row of stone pots filled with tomatoes and other plants he didn’t recognise. Eren had wanted to tell him these things too, hadn’t he? How awful it must have been to have seen all these things, a world drenched in light, knowing how unbelievable it would all sound. 

Levi had believed him, but he hadn’t  _ believed  _ him.

Keeping the truth of the other Eren and Levi to himself--had that been out of his own embarrassment? To spare Levi’s? Both perhaps. Well. They wouldn’t be able to avoid this any longer when he returned. What exactly Levi would say, he wasn’t sure. The only thing he was sure of was that letting it fester in silence wouldn’t end well.  

This situation was inconvenient, but perhaps for the best. At least if this meant it wasn’t Eren’s burden to bear alone, it was worth it. Levi would make himself useful if he was going to be stuck in this situation anyway.  

“Hey.”

Levi turned at the sound of the other Eren’s voice behind him. He was frowning down at the ground. He sounded reluctant when he said, “I’m sorry. This must be really hard for you, and I’m...putting my own bullshit on you.” 

When Levi remained silent, Eren continued, “I thought, from what he showed me, that maybe you guys were the same as us. I only wanted to help.” 

“You can help, Eren,” Levi said. “By helping us find answers about the Titans. If they existed in the past, then you’re our future. You can help us win so that you get to keep all of this.” He gestured around them. 

Eren gave him a small smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “I got a message from Hanji saying she’s coming over later. So you might get that update you want.”  

Levi nodded. It would be good to meet the other Hanji. His would certainly be eager to hear an additional take on her counterpart. And it would help ensure Eren stayed away from this line of conversation. Though he seemed willing to drop it for now, who knew how long that would last. 

“Hey, can I show you something while we wait for Hanji?” 

Wary, Levi asked, “What is it?” 

“Eren showed me...a lot of people. I know some of them, and I think you might want to see them too.” 

His squad. That was something Eren had desperately tried to tell him about. 

“If a picture’s not enough I could...I have a way to you could speak to any of them you like. Well, I’d do the talking and you could just sit there. Or ask them how they are.”   

He regarded Eren. His heart, his kindness on full display. 

“Fine,” he sighed. “The pictures will do for now.” Today had already been bizarre enough as it was. Besides, just as this wasn’t the the Eren he knew, they wouldn’t be the squad members he knew. Still, though, he let Eren lead him to the shelf where the photographs had been carefully arranged in silver frames. 

Eren studiously avoided discussing the photo of the two of them; the one with Eren’s head resting on his shoulder. His eyes lingered on that one, though. Strange to see them both together so clearly. That same nameless longing twisted his stomach again. 

“Petra and Oluo just had a baby,” Eren said. His upbeat tone sounded a little forced, but at least he’d let go of the previous line of conversation. “They’re actually hosting a reunion with everyone soon. I used to feel kind of weird at them, but it’s okay now.”  

A sweet, vanilla scent drifted towards him as he frowned down at the photo and reached for it, head bent towards the shelf near a small jar of liquid, a few sticks poking out from the top. He kept breathing in as he looked at the picture, grounding him to where he was now. Not letting himself go back to the last time he’d seen them alive. 

The offness was there--different haircuts, different ages--but it was them. All of them. Eren, Hanji and Erwin too. 

_ I can’t tell you what it’s supposed to mean to you. But I’ll find a way to prove to you it’s real. _

Against all odds, Eren had found a way to prove it to Levi. The frame was heavy in his hands, and Eren’s words were heavy in his heart. There was a strange magic in seeing all of them there together. When he returned he would try to tell Eren that it was good to see Petra, arm wrapped around Oluo. It was good to see Gunther and Eld lifting their glasses, smiles broad. He probably wouldn’t tell him how odd it was to look at himself and see joy staring back.  

A loud ringing startled them both. Eren rached around in his pocket for the thing he’d called a phone. He cursed.

“What is it?” It better not be bad news. Hopefully Hanji wasn’t delayed. 

Eren waved a hand in his direction. “It’s your friend. I don’t know why he’s calling me, but I’ll get back to him later.” 

Levi’s eyes were drawn to where Eren was looking down at the glowing object in his hands. 

The name shook Levi to his core. 

_ Farlan.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to [Fluffymusketeer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fluffymusketeer/pseuds/fluffymusketeer) for betaing <3 If you can't get enough of canonverse AU type deals, you should check out her fic Dreamwork; it's hella cool.


	10. Chapter 10

“Farlan?” Levi asked, voice thick with disbelief. He swallowed hard, throat dry and scratchy.

Eren pocketed his phone and tilted his head at Levi “Yeah. I’m guessing that means you know him then. Is he up his own ass in your world too?”

Levi shook his head, a well-worn sadness washing over him.

Realisation flickered across Eren’s face. “In your world is he…”

“Yeah.”

Eren was about to say something more when a bell interrupted them, a soft ringing.

“That might be Hanji,” Eren said. “Huh, she’s early. Hang on.” He disappeared into the front of the house, and Levi heard the sound of a door opening and then a commotion.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“That’s really how you’re going to greet me? I thought you liked me now, Eren.”

“Yeah, when you give me warning before you show up here. Now’s not a good time.”

“What does Levi think?”

“He’s not here.”

“His car’s out front.”

Levi knew that voice. Though years had passed, he could never have forgotten it.

The deep, steadying breath he took did nothing to prepare him for Farlan’s appearance. He looked almost identical, but older. More lines around his eyes, but so close to the one Levi had known.

He grinned and made his way to Levi, arms open. “I knew Eren was lying! Fuck you, Eren,” he called cheerfully to a disheveled Eren who trailed him into the living room.  

Farlan embraced Levi. His arms felt different, thinner. Recalling the days Farlan usually smelled faintly of sweat after flying through the underground with their maneuver gear, Levi recoiled when he breathed in a sharp, citrusy scent. That offness again. He ached for his Farlan in ways he hadn’t in years.

“You look good,” Levi said. He reminded himself it wasn’t Farlan, but it didn’t stop him from keeping a hand resting on his arm. From feeling sorrow and gratitude wash over him.

“You too, man.”

“Where’s Isabel?” Levi asked.

Farlan gave him a puzzled look. “Who?”

“Isabel,” Levi repeated, slower this time. “Is she with you?”

“Levi must be confusing her with one of your many exes,” Eren interjected. He shot Levi a puzzled look of his own. “You can’t blame him.”

“I always forget what a great sense of humor you have, Eren,” Farlan replied drily. “Seriously, though, who’s Isabel?”

So he didn’t know Isabel then. Eren didn’t seem to have any idea who she was either, which meant that she might not exist in this life. He told himself that it didn’t matter. Just as he’d told this Eren, none of them were the same. Still, he couldn’t shake his unhappiness. The three of them should have been together.

Levi shook his head. “No one. Must be thinking of someone else.”    

“No worries, man.” _Man?_ Why did Farlan keep calling him that?  

Farlan gently punched Levi’s arm and made his way into the kitchen. “You have any good leftovers for me, Chef Levi?”

Farlan had been the one who cooked for them, and they’d certainly never had enough for leftovers.

“No,” Eren answered when Levi remained silent.  

“What are you, Levi’s spokesperson now?”

“Really, you’re going to start eating? I told you this isn’t a good time,” Eren said miserably. He gave Levi an apologetic look before following Farlan into the kitchen.

Levi went too, a little dazed. It was one thing to see a picture of people you once knew, a memory in itself, and another to have them materialise in front of you like an apparition.

Farlan rummaged around in the wooden cabinets with obvious familiarity, pulling things out of the way and onto the counter. He still moved gracefully.

“Have you guys started composting yet?” Farlan asked as he reached for a bag of food.

“No.”

Farlan shot Eren a disapproving look. “You really should. You’ve got the garden out back and everything.”

“We buy compost from a local farm.”

“It’s better to make your own at home with any of the food you’re just going to toss anyway.”

Levi’s face remained impassive, and he remained silent as Eren and Farlan sniped at one another (he appeared to indeed be up his own ass as Eren had said).

Farlan was more out of place here than Eren or Hanji. Though Levi and Farlan had been above ground together when they’d joined the Corps, when he saw Farlan, he still saw the underground. Farlan and Isabel had been light in the darkness, but they still carried the darkness with them. For Farlan to look so at ease, so unphased, as a slant of sun crossed his face, was bizarre.

Farlan halted his debate with Eren and squinted at Levi. “What’s wrong with you today? You usually have a lot of opinions about compost.”

Levi stiffened when Eren put an arm hesitantly around his shoulder.

“He doesn’t feel well. I already told you it’s not a good time. Come back tomorrow, or we’ll grab lunch out or something.” Eren gave Levi’s shoulder a squeeze. Levi had half a mind to punch him, but the annoyance _did_ ground him enough that he could manage to speak again.

Levi nodded. “Eren’s right. I’m sorry, Farlan.”

Farlan ran a hand through his hair, still looking perturbed by Levi. “Okay, I get it. I hope you feel better so we can properly catch up. I’m sorry for dropping in like this.”   

“It’s alright, Farlan. I hope...you’re doing well,” Levi told him.

An awkward tension filled the air between them all. Levi couldn’t exactly say that it’s been good to see Farlan, but he meant what he’d said. He hoped this Farlan was doing well. If he had been meeting Farlan again in his own life, if the backdrops had matched, then maybe Levi would have been seduced into wondering what could have been. But even if Farlan had lived in the life they’d shared, he’d be someone else entirely than the man standing before Levi here.

The other Levi would have to sort this out with Farlan when he got his body back. The thought sent another flicker of guilt through him.

“Take the chips with you,” Eren said as the ringing sound came again from the front of the house. “Shit, I think that’s Hanji.”

“You’re kicking me out, but expecting Hanji?” Farlan gaped at them, hurt.

“She’s just dropping by,” Eren offered as he went to get the door.

A minute later, Hanji bustled into the kitchen, and Levi was struck by the differences: her hair was shorter, her glasses were nowhere to be found.

She greeted Farlan enthusiastically--with a hug! Hanji hugging Farlan!--then said, “I didn’t know you’d be in town.”

“It was kind of a last minute thing,” he said, having the decency to look sheepish now. Levi couldn’t imagine his Farlan having the audacity to arrive out of the blue. That was another point in his favor, counter to what Eren had said.  

“Levi’s not feeling well,” Farlan said, casting a suspicious look in Levi and Eren’s direction.

“Yes!” Hanji smiled, unruffled. “I’ve just come to drop off some books for him since I was in the neighborhood.”

Farlan relaxed. “That was thoughtful of you.”

Levi watched the interaction unfold from the other side of the room, leaning against the wall with his arms folded. How strange it was to see people from such indelible and distinct times of his life in one place, as friends. He stayed separated from the scene, back to the wall.

Hanji set her gaze on Levi and grinned. He knew that look well. One that signalled an all-night discussion about Titan biology or the inner-workings of a new type of firearms she was developing. You could cut her hair, take away her glasses, but apparently you couldn’t take away that look.

“It’s good to see you,” she said, and then added in a lower voice, “I have so many questions for you.”

“Can’t wait,” Levi said flatly.

The room was a flurry of activity as Eren assembled some food for Farlan to take, and Hanji peppered Farlan with questions, the answers to which Levi couldn’t follow.

Before Farlan left he stopped in front of Levi. Eren and Hanji chatted in the background, but Levi could see Eren glancing over at them worriedly. He made a big show of rinsing their mugs so he could freshen up their drinks, but Levi could feel the weight of his scrutiny and his concern.

“Listen, you know you can always pick up the phone, right?” Farlan said. He rested a hand on Levi’s arm, face clouded with worry. “I’ll always be at the other end if you need me. You’ve got Eren now, but you’re still my family too.”

Levi gave a curt nod, but this seemed to put Farlan at ease. He smiled and gave Levi’s arm a final pat. “No matter what it is, everything will be okay, Levi. Trust me.”

And then he was gone, the feeling of his hand on his arm and the citrusy scent lingering behind him as he headed for the front door. Levi almost reached for him, to stop him from leaving. His heart held two impossible, conflicting desires: to tell this Farlan to stay because in a way the lie of his presence was a comfort, the other to tell him to leave so Levi could do what needed to be done; he had questions for Hanji, and Farlan would only be in the way.  

He’d heard those words from Farlan before. Even through the pain, he couldn’t help but fall back into the old habit of trusting his friend.  

“You good?” Eren asked coming to stand before him where Farlan had been moments before. He put the mug back in Levi’s hands, hot from the fresh tea.

He ignored the question and inclined his head towards the living room. “Let’s go see what Hanji has for us.”

Eren didn’t move. Levi could tell he was about to say something invasive again. _Don’t, Eren,_ he should have said, but the words refused to come _._  

“I might have misread you earlier, but I’m so sorry that you--if you lost your Farlan. He drives me nuts sometimes, but he’s family. I know how much he means to you.”

Levi should have told Eren to mind his own fucking business, snapped, _How could you possibly know?_ But he was right, the words were true and they were delivered with such sincerity that Levi said, “Thank you.” Almost as though he were at a funeral, standing by Farlan’s coffin, with people paying their respects.

Levi went to join Hanji in the other room.  

 

 

 

 

Eren had fixed them a few plates of food--slices of cheese and meat and bread that would take months of waiting and empty your pockets to proccur at home--and he and Levi sat around the low wooden table in front of the couch after they’d cleared their plates. Hanji had gone to use the bathroom, and they waited for her return in awkward silence.

The table had a shelf connected underneath, and there were a few books. The cover belonging to the book at the top of the pile was full of stars. _Photography_ : _Night Sky._  

Isabel’s words played in his head, _Is it true that the stars go round and round in the sky?_ It seemed he couldn’t escape their memories though he might as well have been as far away from his own life as the stars in the sky. Where was Isabel? It shouldn’t matter, but it niggled at him.

Eren kept catching his eye and then looking away, embarrassed.

When Hanji mercifully returned Levi said, “So have you all been sitting around with your fingers up your ass or are you really trying to help us?”

“Maybe if both of you left us alone for five minutes we’d be able to do more for you,” Eren grumbled.

Hanji laughed. “Don’t worry, Levi. I pulled my fingers out of my ass just for you and dug out a couple of books.”

Levi snorted. Fuck. He liked this Hanji.

“There were others too, but they were part of the school’s archives, so Armin couldn’t let me borrow them. I’m also trying to get in touch with my professor,” Hanji added. “He doesn’t work at the university anymore, but I’m sure I can track down some contact details.”

“Anything useful in these books? Or was this a complete waste of time?” It came out harsher than he’d intended.

“I have to say, from what I can tell there isn’t a lot of information in these books, but you’ll know better than me, Levi. Or should I said, Captain Levi?” she teased and handed Levi a small, leather-bound book. The book she handed Eren was larger and had an image of a man with wings, a bow in his hands.

“I’m not either of your Captain. No need for the formality.”

Eren’s cheeks had gone a little red, and Levi resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He didn’t want to think too deeply about what was going on in Eren’s mind. Levi had a limited capacity for dealing with inappropriate feelings.

“Eren, the index in the back will tell you all the pages with a mention of the Titans,” Hanji said. “And Levi, in yours, there’s a small story. It’s the origin story of the Titans which I remember a little about. It might be something you already have information on?”  

“No. We know next to nothing about the Titans. There’s a chance that they were once human. It’s my Hanji’s theory, anyway.”  

Hanji went a little pale. “I think this will give some credence to ‘my’ theory then,” she murmured. “Page 45, Levi.”

Levi flipped through the torn, dusty pages of the book. The small, faded print was tough on his eyes, as were the few roughly sketched images (Ymir talking to Devil, Ymir as a Titan). The story read like a fable, a warning, about a girl named Ymir who had brought the Titans into existence; her people, the Eldians, and how they’d fled with one of the Titans--the Founding Titan--behind the walls. His mind swam.  

_Her memories would live on through the power of the Founding Titan._

Did that mean there were more memories in store for Eren?

“They wiped the memories of everyone inside the walls,” Levi said, horrified anew each time he read the words. Speaking them aloud did nothing to diminish their power.  

Hanji nodded. “Yes, it would seem that way.”

“This is so fucked up.” Eren tossed his book down on the table. “I thought when I saw the walls that at least they were there to keep you all safe, but…” His hands twisted into frustrated fists.

“But why would they have to lie to us if they were protecting humanity?” Levi finished.

They stared at one another, and for the briefest of moments Levi forgot it was not his Eren he was seeing.  

Hanji broke the silence. “It’s not a lot, Levi. But I hope it’s something. I promise, my fingers are completely out of my ass and I’m trying to find out more.”

“Me too,” Eren said.  

“It’s a carriage full of bullshit.”

Eren and Hanji exchanged smiles.

“What?” Levi glared at them.

“We’re just glad we could help,” Hanji clarified.

It was nearly noon now, and Eren had drawn the curtains to block out the harsh glare of the sun at its peak. Levi tried not to think about how much longer it would be until Eren found a way to bring him back. He focused on his gratitude for the delicious lunch he’d been served and for the next round of tea Eren prepared as they discussed their next steps: Eren would contact some of Annie’s friends to see if he could get a message to her, Hanji would wait to hear back from her professor, while Levi of course would relay this new information to Erwin, Hanji and his squad.

“So what’s Erwin like?” Hanji asked, leaning back in her seat, resting her elbow on the arm of the couch.

“Good man, good leader,” Levi said. Under Hanji and Eren’s scrutiny, he found himself edging back away from the table, still in his spot on the floor. Neither of them seemed to find this behaviour odd.

“I still can’t get over Erwin being a commander in the _military,_ ” Hanji mused.  

“I thought the same thing about Levi,” Eren said. “I mean, I’ve seen them both as captains of a dodgeball team, but that’s about it.”

This sent Hanji into a full blown laughing fit. Levi watched them both blankly.  

“I mean the man is a great lawyer and very bossy, but he’d last thirty seconds in the military,” Hanji said once her laughter had died down.  

“You can’t be surprised by this,” Levi said, trying to get them back on topic. “Aside from names and appearances, these brief mentions of the Titans are the only things linking our worlds together.”

Hanji tapped her fingers against the couch. “Eren, did you already tell him about Mikasa?”   

Eren shook his head, and when Levi looked at him, mouth drawn in an impatient line, Eren said, “Mikasa had dreams when we were kids. About the Titans and...it sounded like they were some of the memories that your Eren shared with me.”  

Levi rotated the mug in his hands. He didn’t know what more connections between these worlds would mean. Take Farlan, for instance. Without the shared memories, the shared history, who was Farlan to him but a stranger? But if Mikasa and--he looked over at Eren who was lost in thought--others had their memories. Would he feel differently? Would he be eager to find out more about his friends in this life?

Eren’s voice cut through his thoughts. “I wanted to ask earlier...Who’s Isabel?”

Hanji gave them both a questioning look.

“Levi?” Eren prompted. His voice was gentle, but Levi detected urgency. 

His head snapped up. “She was a friend. Farlan’s too.”

His tone didn’t invite further questions, but Eren ignored that. “My Levi has never mentioned an Isabel to me. Why wouldn’t he have told me about her?”

“Again, you’re assuming that just because she existed in my life, means she’s here too.”

“Well you assumed the same thing earlier! So far everyone else has been here.”

He had a point. Levi shrugged. “She was family to me. Farlan too. If he didn’t know who she was, we probably both haven’t met her yet.”

Eren worried at his lip.

“What?”

“Or something terrible happened that you didn’t want to tell me.”

“Maybe,” Levi conceded. “You’ll have to ask him about that.”

“I’ve known Levi for...almost twenty years,” Hanji said. “I’ve never heard of an Isabel either. If something terrible happened to her, I think he would have told one of us.”

“You’re probably right.” Eren still looked uneasy, but he let the subject drop.

“Hey, why don’t we show Levi the wider world? You said you wanted to show the other Eren next time he showed up,” Hanji suggested.

“Oh, yeah. We could do that. If Levi wants to of course.”

“Sure.” It would give him more to tell the others, and he had to admit he was curious.

 

 

 

 

Small, blandly-colored houses lined the street with well-maintained gardens in front of every single one. What struck Levi was the wide open space, the brown hills stretching as far as the eye could see. He’d seen the world outside the walls, but the walls had always been at his back, the Titans had always been a threat.

Eren needed to see this next time. The vast beauty struck Levi dumb, rooted him to his place as the heat of the sun beat down on his arms, his face.   

A hand came down to rest on his shoulder--Hanji’s--and he didn’t shake it off.

When Levi came back to himself, he said, “What the fuck are those?”

“Cars,” Eren answered. “They like...faster carriages? Kind of like the tea kettle, but for transportation.”

Levi shook his head. “You have it all handed to your lazy asses, don’t you?”

“We sure do,” Hanji said.

Without discussion, the three of them made their way past the houses and towards the hills. Levi found he didn’t mind as Hanji carried the conversation, telling stories about their friends, about this Levi and the life he’s lived.

He wanted to give this body back to its rightful owner, but a small part of him wanted to stay as long as possible. He wanted to climb to the highest hill he could find and gaze across the horizon seeing freedom everywhere he turned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to [ Fluffymusketeer ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fluffymusketeer/pseuds/fluffymusketeer) for reading this one over for me!
> 
> And thank you to everyone who has been reading and supporting. It means a lot!
> 
> As always, comments & kudos always make my day <3


	11. Chapter 11

Levi opened his eyes to find Eren hovering over him, hands clutching his shoulders in a bruising grip. When their eyes met, Eren jerked back, looking equal parts relieved and terrified. “Levi!”

Levi didn’t comment on the lack of title. His mouth felt like he’d licked sandpaper, head like a muggy summer day. 

The room was too warm even though the blinds had only been pulled down part way, allowing for some air to blow through the open window. 

They were still too close together; he could feel Eren’s warm breath on his cheek, and his heart quickened. “Eren,” he tried to say, voice hoarse.   

Eren let go of Levi’s shoulders and reached for the glass of water perched on the bedside stand, and Levi gulped it all down, closing his eyes as the cool liquid slipped down his throat. Relief flooded his body, heart slowing again, making it easier to think. They were in a far more familiar setting, an actual inn now; the small, blandly furnished room immediately recognisable. At least they weren’t mid-fuck this time. 

His cloak hung alongside Eren’s on a coat rack, and both sets of their mud-caked boots were lined up neatly by the door. Had Eren carried him here, and how long had they been here for? 

The last thing he remembered from the other world was looking out into the distance atop one of the hills with the other Eren and Hanji. He set the empty glass down and said, “How long was I out for?” 

Eren fiddled with his hands. “A few hours. The inn keeper sent one of the kitchen boys to get the Commander or Squad Leader Hanji. I, uh, I didn’t know how long it would take you to wake up or how to get you back on my own. They’ll probably be here soon...but we can start heading back if you want. Whenever you’re ready.” 

“Eren.” Levi held up a hand. Something in his eyes gave him away as he struggled to find the words because Eren went utterly still. Scrubbing a hand over his face, Levi said, “I met the other you and Hanji.”  _ And Farlan,  _ but that name would mean nothing to Eren.  

The only sound in the room was Eren’s sharp inhale. “You went there,” he echoed. “The other world. You went there too.” His eyes widened in fear. 

“Yes.”  

The air between them was heavy. With anyone else this could easily become a chess match, a test of who knew what, but not with them. 

The dying light of the sun sneaking through the blinds cut gold ribbons across Eren’s stricken face. His knuckles white as he gripped the edge of the wooden bed frame. “You saw them together then. Didn’t you?”

That was certainly one way to put it. Unbidden, the thoughts of the other Eren’s hands, how good they’d felt, flickered through his mind, phantom pleasure across his body. 

“I did, but save your worries for something worthwhile. It doesn’t matter what I saw.”

That snapped Eren out of his daze. “Yes it does.” 

The storm clouds were already in the sky; there was no stopping the rain. Levi had turned people down before, but never like this. Never someone who looked at him the way Eren did. Never someone who he’d held in his arms and not wanted to let go of. 

“They’re in love,” Eren said, as though this should mean something. 

There was an intensity in Eren’s eyes, a fierceness that made Levi think of his counterpart. In a way, he’d helped clarify things. Setting aside the fact that Eren was his subordinate, his lack of experiences in life gave Levi pause. What if he pulled Eren to him right now, kissed him senseless, and gave him everything he thought he wanted? What if Eren molded himself around Levi, never having his own chance to become who he was supposed to be? 

Levi wouldn’t rob him of that. 

“It doesn’t matter,” Levi said more firmly this time. “Eren, that world isn’t ours. Their memories and lives are not ours.” 

Eren didn’t reply. 

“Nothing can happen between us. I don’t  _ want  _ anything to happen between us. You understand that, right?” 

“Of course I understand that,” Eren snapped. “I didn't ask you for anything. I knew you--you wouldn’t--” He glared down at the floor, lower lip trembling as he fought back tears. 

Levi reached out a hand to touch Eren’s shoulder and made him look at him. “I didn’t mean to embarrass you, but you can see why I had to bring it up, can’t you?”

A nod came in reply. Eren tilted his head and the slant of light slashed across his mouth, drawn in an angry, pained line. 

“That night when you stayed in my room, I might have given you the wrong idea. It was a mistake, and I’m sorry. I’m your Captain, and I shouldn’t have let it happen.” The other Eren had brought that night up, and if it was still weighing on Eren’s mind, Levi had to cut the thought off at the legs too.  

An odd look flickered across Eren’s face, but he stayed quiet.   

This was not the first time Levi had given up something that a small, selfish bit of his heart wanted for himself. When he was young, still living in the brothel, he’d played marbles with a girl who lived just down the hall with her mother. During the day, they’d be sent outside to pass the time, and together they’d invent silly games with the brightly-colored marbles, dirtying them on the underground paths. One day a few of the girl’s rolled into one of the grates, and to stop her crying, Levi gave her his. 

Years later, he’d give his food to Isabel, even when he was still hungry. Save coins here and there to buy Farlan an extra book. 

His gift to Eren was the only freedom he had the power to promise him now. All he could do next was try to show Eren that he was still here for him...as a friend, perhaps. It was all he could offer.

Levi moved to the edge of the bed and wrapped his arms around Eren. It felt like an apology, and perhaps Eren could feel it too because he rested his head on Levi’s shoulder and let his arms come to hesitantly wrap around him. A stray lock of dark hair tickled Levi’s neck, and he could smell traces of the military-issue soap and sweat on Eren’s skin. For a moment, he closed his eyes and thought how good it felt to hold Eren again, to feel their chests pressed together, hearts beating in time. 

But he had drawn his line on the ground, like a child with a piece of chalk. 

Levi pulled back, and their gaze held for just a beat too long, that same odd look on his face. Before the thought had even fully formed in Eren’s mind, Levi could see it coming: the moment Eren slotted their lips together in a chaste kiss. 

A shooting star of desire shot through Levi, rare as it was wonderful. It had been a long time since he’d kissed anyone and even longer since he’d kissed anyone who he felt such affection for.  

For the barest, briefest of moments Levi stayed perfectly still, felt the softness of Eren’s lips against his own, and let himself think  _ what if _ before he put his hands on Eren’s shoulders and pushed him away. 

“Did you not hear a word I said?” Levi kept his voice flat. 

“You didn’t pull away,” Eren accused. 

“You took me by surprise. You just told me you had no expectations of me, and you’re not exactly a subtle person.” 

Eren looked defeated then, face drawn as though he’d aged twenty years in seconds. The bed creaked as he stood and walked to the other side of the room where the cloaks were hanging. 

“I just...wanted to be sure, I guess.” He pulled both the cloaks off the rack and tossed Levi’s at him. 

“Are you sure now?” Levi challenged.  

Eren nodded, but he wasn’t looking at Levi. He’d busied himself with his boots now. “Yeah,” he said quietly, “I’m sure.” 

Lips still tingling from the kiss, Levi wondered what the fuck Eren had been thinking. He’d clearly been  _ expecting  _ the rejection, and had made a move anyway. 

Eren’s voice cut through Levi’s thoughts. “Do we have to tell the others…?” At least he didn’t sound on the verge of tears again. 

“I don’t know,” Levi replied. He didn’t want to embarrass Eren further--he could only imagine the teasing his squad was capable of. Mikasa had undoubtedly remained tight-lipped about her counterpart’s relationship with Jean for a reason--but he needed to decide if it warranted at least Hanji and Erwin’s knowledge. 

“I’m--I’m sorry I lied, sir.”  

Levi noted the return to formality, but he didn’t know exactly which lie Eren was apologising for. For telling him he didn’t want anything or for the omitting the details of their counterparts’ relationship before. 

“Don’t be. You haven’t done anything wrong.” He moved away from Eren and went back to the other bed. “Whether or not you told all of us about the relationship between our counterparts is irrelevant. The other Hanji had some information for me. ”  

Eren handed Levi his boots. “What did she find out?” 

“I’ll tell you once we’re with Erwin and Hanji. No use going over it until then.” 

After a minute of pained silence, Eren said abruptly, “Captain...did you see the pictures?” 

“I did. But they’re not our squad. Not really.”

He’d seen more than just pictures of ghosts. He’d come face to face with one. At least now he could understand just how powerful of an illusion this could be. He’d almost been seduced by it too. 

“Didn’t it make you--”

Eren was interrupted by a knock at the door. Levi went to answer it, and a young boy was standing there. “Excuse me, your carriage is here.” 

Levi gave him some extra coin and thanked him for his trouble. Eren fell silent and never finished his thought. 

Hanji and Erwin were both in the carriage waiting for them outside. They hadn’t taken one of the royal ones, but one used by wealthier civilians. Probably to avoid drawing attention to them. Smart. Only so many more kidnappings they could handle. 

“Why are  _ both _ of you here?” Levi snapped as he got into the carriage. Waste of resources given they thought he probably just passed out. 

“One of my highest ranking officers collapsed in the middle of the street. I thought we might be needed,” Erwin said. 

Eren took a seat next to Hanji, and she asked him if he was alright. Eren merely nodded in reply as the driver shut the carriage door. He looked utterly miserable.  _ I’m not worth moping over,  _ Levi thought. One day Eren would realise that on his own, when he’d outgrown this crush. 

“What happened?” Hanji asked.  

“Apparently Eren’s not the only one who can go to this other world.” 

Erwin and Hanji gaped at Levi. 

“I met the other you.” He tilted his chin at Hanji. “Fucking bizarre.” 

“How?” Erwin asked, glancing at Eren, who fidgeted uncomfortably, the loud sound of his pants rustling against the velvet was distracting. 

“I sent him there,” Eren said, face reddening. He ran an agitated hand through his hair. “I didn’t meant to, but...it happened after I touched Captain Levi’s arm, so it must have been something I did.”  

“Eren, do you have any idea how you brought him back?” Hanji asked eagerly. 

“I touched his arms again,” Eren said, like it was an admission of guilt. More rustling as he shifted around in his seat. 

Levi cut in calmly, “When I came to, Eren was trying to wake me up. Whatever he did clearly worked.” 

Erwin shook his head in disbelief, but a small, pleased smile was on his face. 

“Incredible,” Hanji said, grinning at Erwin as soon as she noticed his smile.  

“An interesting development indeed,” Erwin agreed. 

“Do you two want to hear what I found out or would you rather sit there smiling like idiots?”  

Levi told them about the books, Ymir, the Eldians. Sparing only a few looks at Levi as he spoke, Eren kept his eyes outside the carriage window and didn’t comment. He pressed his fingers to his forehead like he had a headache. 

“My hypothesis was correct then,” Hanji said, face stricken. “They’re people. All of them. Not just the shifters?” 

Erwin’s eyes lit up again in that way that had made Levi squirm before. 

“People,” Eren whispered, face drawn in horror. “This whole time we’ve been killing people.” 

“Yes, it would seem so,” Levi said, gut churning. All these years he’d felt a perverse pleasure every time he laid waste to a Titan, and now he felt ill. He thought of Kenny’s final gift. “Could that mean there are other serums?” 

“Quite possibly. But who...or what is turning them into Titans now?” Hanji wondered. 

“What do we do next?” Levi asked Erwin. 

“We still need to prepare for battle. The Armoured and Colossal Titans will be back for Eren eventually, but if you can find us more answers about our enemies, it would give us an advantage.” 

Eren reached for the key resting against his chest, curling his fingers around it. “Would we still go back to Shiganshina?” 

“Yes,” Erwin said. “But they know that’s our next move.”

“But they don’t know about this ability of yours, Eren,” Hanji said. “And they don’t know about the new weapons we’re developing.” 

“Exactly,” Erwin said. “Let’s give your...counterparts some time to find out more.”

“Until then, keep Historia away from Eren, and Eren away from me,” Levi said. They didn’t need any more unplanned excursions to the other world.    

Levi only realised how his words had sounded when he saw Eren flinch. Well. Maybe this would help Eren understand sooner rather than later that he was better off falling for someone else. 

By the time they reached the castle, exhaustion claimed its stake on Levi and he was itching to leave the confines of the carriage. Historia met them in the foyer, and his squad lingered at the back of the room, frozen in their salutes. 

He needed a shit and some rest. Time to decide what he’d tell and who exactly he’d tell it to. “Hanji can tell you everything before we follow up,” he said to his squad. 

All but Mikasa stared at Levi with open curiosity; she had her eyes on Eren who was still rubbing his temples. Levi felt a flicker of worry, but knew Mikasa would make sure he was alright. Levi turned away and retreated up the winding steps of the castle to his room. 

 

A loud knock came at Levi’s door, just after midnight. Sleep, as always, had eluded him, despite his exhaustion. The late hour coupled with the fact he’d openly locked himself away should have kept everyone at bay.

“Fuck off,” he called, hoping it would carry through to the sitting room. 

Another, more forceful, knock came. His visitor either heard him or was not deterred. 

He threw his book down, pulled on a shirt, and flung open the main door. Mikasa glared at him. “Captain.” 

“What do you want, Ackerman?” 

“To talk to you.” 

“No shit,” Levi said. “About what?” 

“Eren.” 

He sighed and stepped aside, waving her in. Whatever this conversation was going to entail, best not to have it in the doorway. 

She stalked in, anger radiating off her in that quiet way she had, jaw tight.  “Eren’s been crying all night.” 

The thought of Eren crying made his stomach twist. “I’m sure he’d be thrilled you’re informing me of that.” 

“No. But I want to know what you did.” 

His patience was wearing thin. “Talk to Eren about it.”

She scowled and pulled her scarf tight around her neck. 

“You remind me of some of the thugs in the underground.” 

“What?” Mikasa spluttered. 

“They used to go around in the middle of the night, banging on the doors of people who owed them money. Threatening with knives and guns if they didn’t pay up.”

Mikasa’s eyes narrowed to slits. Levi didn’t understand what she wanted out of the situation, but it looked like she planned on staying put until she got it. 

“You can ask me about something else, if you want,” he offered, rather generously. “Have a seat.” 

As though she didn’t plan on getting comfortable, Mikasa hesitantly sat on the edge of one of the three plush armchairs facing the hearth. Levi took the seat across from hers.  

“Do all the officers have rooms like these?” she asked, looking around as if she’d only just realised where she was. 

“Yes. Waste of space.” And money. The entire room was an indulgent mess. A landscape portrait hung above the hearth, flanked by two candelabra mounted to the wall. Empty flower vases with intricate designs sat atop the mantle.     

“You don’t like it?” Mikasa didn’t look too impressed either. 

“The hearth is nice,” he admitted. “The chairs too.”  

Mikasa snorted. Being invited in seemed to have deflated her anger, and she relaxed into her seat. 

“Did you really go to the other world?” she asked quietly. 

“Yes.”

She swallowed. “I thought Eren could be losing his mind.”   

Levi nodded. He had too. 

“Sir, do you think if you went to the other world, it means I could?” 

Her eyes were full of hope when she looked up at him. Of course Mikasa would want to go with Eren; he should have seen this coming miles away. 

“It’s possible. Doesn’t mean we’ll risk it.” 

“I should go with him,” she said. 

“Why?”

“Because he shouldn’t be there alone. I could help.” 

When he had first met Mikasa, he’d found her devotion to Eren burdensome and baffling. Now, though, he understood her position a little better. 

“If anyone’s going back, it’ll be me. You’d just set things back.” 

Mikasa glared at him. She appeared on the verge of tears, and he’d had enough of that today. 

“I’m going to put some tea on,” he said.  Flegel Reeves was still upholding his father’s promise to give the Corps priority on luxury items, and Levi had some sweets and a new tin of tea.   

“Okay.” 

He stared at her, exasperated. “Do you want any?” 

“Oh. Yes, thank you.”

He fetched the tin of sweets from his room, and handed them over to a startled Mikasa before putting the cast iron kettle over the hearth. Over his shoulder, he said, “Did you tell Eren you wanted to go with him?”

Pulling at her scarf again, the reluctant answer came, “Yes.”

“And what did he say?”

“That it was a stupid idea,” she muttered. 

They were quiet as Levi finished making the tea, and Mikasa sank further into the armchair, looking miserable. She nibbled at one of the fruity treats and made a face. 

“You better finish that. They’re not easy to get.” 

She finished it in one miserable bite. Levi retrieved the tea set from the low cabinet by the hearth.   

“I don’t understand why he doesn’t want me there,” she said as Levi placed the tea on the table between them. He sat back down, and plucked one of the sweets from the tin for himself. 

Levi spoke evenly, as though he were detailing a new formation for their squad. “In the other world, the  _ other _ Eren and the _ other _ Levi are together.”

It took a moment for Mikasa to register what he meant, and her eyes widened, her teacup making a loud clink against the saucer. 

“I’m not finished.” Levi held up a hand. “As you can imagine, he’s not eager to share that information. He certainly didn’t mean for me to find out. It’s a shitty situation, but you of all people should understand given how upset you were to find out about yourself and Jean.” 

The look she gave him was murderous. “But  _ you’re  _ not sleeping with Eren?” 

“No. Of course I’m not fucking sleeping with Eren,” he snapped, louder than he meant to. “Don’t be a moron. I’m telling you this so you’ll understand why he doesn’t want you going with him.”

“Did you and Eren discuss this?” 

“Yes.” 

“What did he say?” 

Levi didn’t answer. 

Mikasa placed her teacup and saucer down on the table and stood. The intensity had drained from her expression, and now her brow was furrowed with worry. “I should go.” 

She picked her lantern up and made a move to leave. “Sir, if Eren changes his mind about me going, would you reconsider?” 

“Only if there was a good reason to send you.”      

After giving him a curt nod, she opened the door and disappeared down the dark corridor, the dim light of the lantern guiding her way. He hoped Mikasa would look after Eren. 

The exhaustion from the day took over. Levi sat back down in his armchair and fell into a deep sleep he’d not had in years. He dreamed of standing atop a hill, looking out across the open world around him. Walls grew up out of the ground around him, but he was not afraid. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has been reading this fic and taking the time to comment <3 It means so much.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who has been reading <3 Your support and kind words make this a joy to keep writing.

When the other Levi left his body, it felt like he had been underwater and this was his first gasp of air, the one that kept him clinging to life. Jolted back to himself again, able to control his body once more, he flexed his fingers, cracked his neck. _I’m in here, this body is mine._

“Can we go back inside now,” Levi said to Hanji and Eren, sitting beside him in the grass. “I need to lie down. That was a real mind fuck.”

Two sets of eyes looked at him sharply.

“Levi?” Eren asked.

“Yeah. Just me now.”

Without warning, he was enveloped by Eren’s strong arms. “You’re back,” Eren said, squeezing tighter, his hair tickling Levi’s cheek. “I was so worried.”  

“I didn’t go anywhere,” Levi said, voice gruff, though he clutched Eren tightly too. “I was here, I just had no control.”

“It’s terrifying,” Eren said, drawing back, hands hovering by Levi as though he were afraid to move too far away. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

But he wasn’t fine. He had two Erens in his head, saw two Eren’s now; they morphed quickly back and forth between strange-familiar-strange-familiar, like flipping a coin.

“So you were able to see and hear everything that happened?” Hanji asked.

“Yes,” Levi affirmed, not seeing his own Hanji before him but the one from another time. She always asked questions like these too.

“I wonder why it was easier for you to see what was going on,” Eren said. “The first time it happened to me wasn’t like that. I wasn’t aware of what was happening around me, and I couldn’t fight back against it at all.”

“I don’t know,” Levi said. He looked over at Hanji, expecting some sort of hypothesis to be put forth right away. Her brain usually latched on to new ideas and theories so easily, but he was startled when she only shook her head.   

Back at the house, Hanji asked if she should stay, but Levi told her to head home. After she’d left, and after he’d rebuffed Eren’s offers of tea and food, he locked himself in the bathroom for twenty minutes to be alone. Without scrutiny or worrying Eren, he wanted to shake off the intense visions that kept coming over him in waves.

Images of the other Eren--who was much younger than he’d realised--kept bubbling to the surface, crowding out the others.

A strange cloud of guilt hung over Levi. When he returned to their bedroom and spotted Eren typing on his laptop, out of nowhere he thought, _I’m about to break your heart,_ and the guilt and pain nearly sliced him apart _._

Suddenly, the Eren before him was seventeen years old again, banging on Levi’s door making ridiculous confessions. Then he morphed into another seventeen year old Eren, one who stole glances at him every chance he got, who cleaned to Levi’s exacting standards and hid pleased smiles at Levi’s approval.

“I’m going to run a bath,” Levi said, rubbing his temples. He needed just a little more time to himself to get his head on straight, to sort through and catalogue what he’d seen. To somehow fit it into neat boxes and shove it at the back of his mind so he could get on with his life. To figure out which self he even was right now.  

“Tell me if you need me,” Eren said, looking up from his computer. “I can sit with you if you want to talk.”

“Thank you.” Levi averted his eyes. “But I want to be alone right now.”

Eren nodded. “I love you,” he said.

“I love you too. I just need to clear my head.”

“Levi, I can’t think of anyone who would understand that better than me.”   

“You have a point,” Levi said, giving Eren a faint smile before he left the room.

 

 

 

He ran the bath as hot as he could stand and sank gratefully into the water, muscles relaxing as steam rose from the tub. His mind flashed, steam rising from Eren’s skin...not his Eren’s skin.

All those nightmares he’d had growing up. They’d meant something. Kenny had told him just to forget about them, told him he was being a dumbass and to quit worrying. Levi sank his head under the water.

Kenny. He’d been in that other life. Levi hadn’t thought of him or his mother in a long time, but they’d been swirling around when the other Levi had been sharing the space. If they were still alive here in this life, Levi would have very much liked to know if they remembered too.

For the first time in years, Levi let himself cry. The last time he’d come close to crying was when Carla had died, and even then he’d needed to stay strong for Eren and Mikasa. He let his body shake, let the sobs tear out of him. He didn’t know who the tears were for or which life.

Eventually he pulled himself together, splashing some of the now-lukewarm water onto his face, steadying his breath. He towelled off his hair, pulled on his bathrobe, and returned to Eren.

Sat up in bed, Eren was scribbling in a moleskine notebook--which definitely belonged to Levi, he noted absently--as he looked back and forth from his computer screen.

“Hey,” Levi said, pausing in the doorway.

Eren jerked his head up, so immersed in whatever he was doing that he hadn’t noticed Levi appear. “Hey,” he said. “How you doing?”

“Head still hurts. Otherwise I feel fine.” Physically, anyway.   

“Can I get you anything?” Eren offered, already making a move to stand.

“Nah. I’m just going to try to sleep.”

“Good plan.”

At Eren’s downcast look, Levi added, “But thank you for checking.”

Levi climbed into bed, eyes fluttering shut as soon as he lay down. The emotional hangover was already kicking in and his head pounded. He had just gotten under the covers, head sinking into the pillow when Eren said cautiously, “Levi?”

“Yeah?”

“Who’s Isabel?”

He stayed on his side, too tired to roll over and face Eren. “I have no idea. She was someone from the other Levi and Farlan’s past, but I don’t know her.” Yet he felt an ache in his heart, the absence of someone he’d never even met.

“Oh,” Eren said. “Are you going to see Farlan tomorrow? He was worried.”

“I should.” Sadness swelled. _Farlan’s fucking fine,_ he told himself. _You didn’t even know the other one._

Eren stayed quiet, and Levi drifted off to the alternating sounds of keyboard clicks and the scratching of pencil against paper.

 

 

 

Sleep helped clear some of the fog, but his mind still didn’t feel _quite_ his own. Fragments of the other Levi’s memories and feelings were still floating around his head.

He rolled over, reaching for Eren, but he wasn’t in the bed. Left in his wake were little ink blots on the white sheets from the pen he’d been scribbling notes with.  

Levi found Eren in the kitchen, leaning against the counter and sipping a cup of coffee, still shirtless but wearing sweatpants. Morning sunbeams made his eyes look especially bright, but also emphasised the dark circles underneath them.

 _This is still my life,_ Levi reminded himself. The gleaming, stainless steel pots and pans hanging from the rack, the mugs Eren kept accumulating so they no longer fit into one cabinet, the red oven mitts that Carla had given him when he told her he enjoyed baking, that stupid singing bass mounted on the wall that Hanji had gotten as a gag gift over a decade ago.

 _Eren_. His Eren.

“Water’s boiled for you,” Eren said, nodding towards the kettle.

Levi gave him a quick kiss, hands gently sliding down Eren’s sides. The fearful, unmoored ache in his heart for Eren right now did not belong to him. His own love had roots that stretched down into the ground.  

Eren put his mug down to kiss Levi properly.

“How are you holding up?” Eren asked.  

“My head still feels like a mess. Like someone scrambled all my eggs.” Levi went to prepare his tea. “How long have you been up?”

With a yawn, Eren stretched his arms above his head, lean muscles flexing distractingly. “A couple hours. I started searching online for all the things we read about yesterday and found some forums and things last night. I could barely sleep, though; I kept dreaming people had replied to me, so I finally just got up around five.”

Levi hoped his distance last night hadn’t contributed to Eren’s poor sleep. It was time he at least tried to let Eren in more. He’d wanted to tell him about the nightmares--he’d almost told the other Eren about them too--but...he’d kept them locked away for so long he’d forgotten where he’d hidden the key.

Quiet fell around them, save for the sound of birds chirping in the garden as they flitted around the feeder. Levi cleared his throat. “I’m sorry that even for a moment I thought you were going crazy.”

“It’s okay,” Eren said. He shrugged one shoulder. “What else were you supposed to think?”

Levi met Eren’s eyes. “Look, there’s something I need to tell you. You might be angry, but I need you to hear me out.”

Eren stiffened, mouth drawn in a nervous line. His fingers tightened around his coffee mug, and he looked at Levi expectantly.

“I used to have nightmares about the Titans.” Eren’s eyes widened. Levi continued, “Of course I didn’t know that’s what they were at the time, but I know it now. I suspected it when the other Eren first told us...but now that I’ve seen it. I know. And I should have told you soon, I know that.”

Eren frowned. “Did you tell Mikasa this?”

Puzzled, Levi said, “No. I wanted to tell you first.”

“You should.” Eren looked frustrated when he said, “She used to have them too, and she never told me until recently.”

Levi startled. “She did?” All those years alone, his sister had been out there, dreaming the same awful dreams. He rested the mug on the table, gentler than he felt.

“She told me she saw our mom being eaten by a Titan. Shit like that.” Eren moved closer, tilted a finger under Levi’s chin so he looked up at him. He didn’t look angry, only sad, which was worse. “I don’t understand why you both kept this a secret from me.”

“I’m sorry,” Levi said. He should have told Eren sooner. He had planned to. “It wasn’t until I saw the other Levi’s memories that I really believed it. I thought I was probably misremembering.”   

Eren rested his hands on Levi’s shoulders. “You two always think you have to do everything on your own, but you don’t.”

“You’re one to talk,” Levi said.

Eren pulled away and looked at the floor in embarrassment, hands dropping to his sides. “I know I missed the deadline. To put the deposit down.”

“I know. I didn’t want to push you anymore, especially with what’s been going on.”

“Are you mad?” Eren asked.

“No.”

“It just felt like a lot of money to put down when I’m not even sure it’s what I want. I probably would have had to cut my hours at the shop.”

“I told you not to worry about any of that,” Levi said, furrowing his brow. “Money’s not an issue. What’s mine is yours.” He was a software engineer with over a decade of experience, and he and Eren had no children. Why couldn’t he make Eren’s life easier?   

Eren sighed and mumbled, “Thank you.”

Levi went to wash some of the plates sitting out on the counter. The hot water, nearly scalding, kept him present. Kept his mind from floating away from him to another world. The familiar motions were a comfort.

Eren paced aimlessly around the kitchen until he finally said, “Levi, does it bother you that I was touching you while he was in your body? Well, I guess you accidentally kissed the other Eren a couple times too.”

“You didn’t realise he was in my body. Shame I didn’t get to enjoy it,” he said, hoping it would make Eren smile.

Levi turned off the tap and began to dry the plates, glancing at Eren as his lip quirked up, shoulders relaxing. “Yeah, well. I’ll try again soon, and make sure it’s just you in there. Although, it does kind of seem like the other you needs to get laid. Pretty sure I know someone who would be into that.”

Levi flinched, thinking of the other Eren, the younger one he’d now seen in memory. “Did you know he’s only seventeen?”

“No, I didn’t,” Eren said uneasily.

“He’s about to get his heart broken.” Levi had felt the gears turning in his counterpart’s mind. The realisation that he could no longer avoiding discussing the pull between them, the other Eren’s feelings.

Eren ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “Can’t anything just go right for them? Everything I’ve seen--it’s all such fucking shit.”

Levi put the plate down that he’d been drying and took Eren’s hand in his, untangling it from his unruly hair. “I understand his reasons.”

Eren leaned into Levi, pressing their bodies closer together, and Levi melted into the touch the way he always did for Eren.

“I know there’s a lot in their way,” Eren said, voice full of passion. “I know he’s his superior officer, I know he’s older...but the way Eren sees him is the way I see you, and I believe in that.”

It made Levi’s heart ache. Because Eren’s love had been a gift from the start. Something hopeful and pure that didn’t come with incomprehensible terms and conditions like Levi’s past relationships. To explain why someone would give that up had been a struggle from the moment Levi had rejected Eren.  

“Eren, when someone...when someone means that much to you, you’d never want to be the reason for their unhappiness someday. Even if it meant sacrificing your own.”

“But it didn’t have to be like that! For us or for them. I can _feel_ it. I’ve always known that about you and me. And look at us now, I was right!”

“Congratulations, you’ve gathered all the evidence now nearly a decade later. Quickly, to the time machine.”

Eren snorted, but said, “Don’t do that. I’m serious.”

Levi tried again. “Did you ever think how it would have felt for me? If I’d said yes, and you’d changed your mind? You were so young. I never wanted to hold you back or influence your decisions, I still don’t.”

He worried he was doing that now--pushing Eren to go back to school when it wasn’t what he wanted. What if it was time Eren had the chance to be free, to make his own choices? The other Levi had reminded him of that. The fear of love as a cage. The dangerous power that love could hold over someone else.

Eren shook his head. “You’re the only person I’ve ever loved.”

“I know. And it scares the shit out of me sometimes.”

“Why?”

The words caught in his throat then. He’d worked so hard to learn to communicate with Eren, to try to open up. But he was scared shitless. Before the other Eren and Levi had shown up, Eren had been aimless, on edge. They’d been arguing about that fucking deposit, and with everything that had happened, it had all just been pushed aside.

He’d just assumed that Eren would want to go back to school someday since he’d dropped out while Carla had been dying. Here Levi was, foisting his own expectations onto Eren, exactly as he’d feared.    

“Sometimes I wonder if I was right when I first told you I’d only hold you back before you left for college.”

Eren looked taken aback. “What?”

Levi continued, “If your mother hadn’t died, you would have been able to live your own life exactly the way you wanted. That’s what the other Levi wants for Eren. It’s what I always wanted for you.” The other Levi had helped clarify that for him, in a way. He hadn’t yet been able to put into words what was troubling him.

“What do you mean?” Eren asked, exasperated. “Live my life like _what_? I barely knew what I wanted to do with my life then. I was miserable, and let’s face it, I never would have gone to med school in the end.”

“But you probably would have _stayed_ in school. You wouldn’t have moved home.” _We may never have found our way back to each other._ Levi swallowed. “You would have carved your own path without me holding you back.”

“Please don’t do that,” Eren said, he put both his hands on Levi’s arms, eyes shiny as he blinked back tears. “Don’t tell me what’s right for me again unless--unless this is your way of telling me I’m not what _you_ want.”

“Of course it’s not.”

Eren took a step back and assessed Levi. “It feels that way.”

He met Eren’s eyes. “I promise you, it’s not.”

Eren nodded and sighed. “I’m sorry, I’m being dramatic. I think I’m going to go for a run, clear my head.”

“We’ll talk more later,” Levi said. His brain still felt like a murky, foggy mess too. “When we’re feeling more like ourselves.”

“Yeah. Jesus, the other Eren is really fucking with my mind. I keep wanting to call you ‘sir’ right now. I want to just talk to you as _you._ ” Eren rubbed his eyes.

“I fucking know the feeling now.”

Eren gave him a small, sad smile.  

“Listen, I’ve got a lead I want to follow up on, and I’m going to meet with Armin after my shift, but I’ll be home tonight.”

“Okay. I’m not sure what time I’ll be home. Try to stay safe in the meantime if the other Eren shows up.”

“Wait, where will you be?” Eren asked, confused.

“Mikasa’s, remember? Unless you want me back here at a certain time.”

She’d texted him the other day asking for some help repairing her leaking sink. _Or just temporarily fixing the temporary repairs Jean made,_ the follow-up text had said.

He’d stay if Eren asked, but he still wanted to see Mikasa.

Eren waved a hand. “It’s fine. Hang out as long as you want.”

“You sure?”

“Of course,” Eren said, giving Levi a quick kiss before he headed out of the kitchen. “Talk to Mikasa about the nightmares, don’t keep it quiet again.”

 

 

 

“Remember,” Mikasa said as they walked through to the kitchen, “you were never here. Jean can’t find out about this.”

Levi gave a dry assurance, “I’ll be discrete. But I need to talk to you about something.”

The messy kitchen made Levi wrinkle his nose. Mikasa and Jean had let the dishes pile up with the sink out of commission. Maybe Levi would just clean them for her before he left.

She gave him a curious look. “Sure, shoot.”

He leaned against the counter with the fewest dirty plates. “Eren told me about your nightmares. I wanted you to know I had them too.”

She gaped at him, and then without warning threw her arms around his shoulders, and Levi tentatively reached his arms up to return the embrace, patting her back awkwardly. They weren’t a touchy-feely family, and Levi suspected growing up together wouldn’t have changed that.  

“There’s more,” he said, untangling himself from her arms. “The other Levi was here.”

She stepped back. “Oh my god, are you alright?”

“My head still feels fucked, but I’m fine.”

Mikasa frowned. “Levi...If it could happen to you, do you think that means it could happen to me?”

“It’s certainly possible. They’d probably try to prevent that from happening, though.” He closed his eyes for a second, let it travel back to what he’d seen. “I don’t think you’re my sister in that life, but he’s protective of you. Of all of you.”

“All of us?”

“Your friends. His...squad.”

Dazed she said, “Oh. Right. So what happened while he was here?”

He told her about the books Hanji had found, then added, “Farlan’s in town. He showed up while the other Levi was in my body.”

“He’s not exactly known for his great timing, is he?” Mikasa said. “Did he realise something was wrong?”

“I think he could tell something weird was going on, but not what. I need to sort it out with him before it becomes a thing.”

“Smart. Or before either of your...counterparts comes back,” Mikasa said. “I’d like to see him too.”

“He’ll still hit on you,” Levi warned, happy to be moving on to another topic.

Mikasa smiled at this. “You know, I would have gone out with him if it wasn’t for Jean.”

“Huh. Why?”

“He’s hot! You don’t think so?”

“We fumbled around once when we were teenagers,” Levi said. “Nothing to write home about.”

“Really?”

“Mm.” Levi sighed. “So can I fix the sink now?”

“What?” Mikasa blinked at him.

“You texted me about the sink.”

“Oh. Yes, but it seems a little ridiculous now.”

“I want to fix it.”

“Of course you do,” she said fondly.  

Working with his hands calmed Levi’s mind. At home when he was feeling restless or couldn’t sleep he’d work on one of his ongoing DIY projects or clean the house. Doing things like that for Eren or Mikasa gave him a soft surge of pride every time.

Levi pulled out the gloves he’d brought with him and got to work.  

A few minutes later: “Why is there gum on here?” Levi asked, horrified, from under the sink. He thought people only attempted truly stupid shit like this in the movies.

“Why do you think?” Mikasa said.

Levi grunted. “You need to tell Jean to give the home repairs a rest.”

“Oh please, you do the honors.”

The gum was badly stuck on the copper pipe, and Levi began prying it off. Disgusting. “I mean,” Levi continued, “he _does_ realise this isn’t a permanent fix, right? You can use the shit I brought over in the meantime, but you’re going to need to get this replaced.”

“I know.” Mikasa sighed. “We’re just waiting for a few of Jean’s clients to actually pay their invoices.”

“You could let me--”

“Leviii.” Levi’s head was still under the sink, so he couldn’t see her, but he could _hear_ the fond eye roll. “It’s a generous offer, but no. I should be paying you for wasting your time repairing Jean’s ‘repairs’.”    

“What is it with you and Eren? Jesus, it’s not a big deal.”

“It is to us! We never wanted you to feel like it’s why we wanted you in our lives.”

“Mikasa. You and Eren found me over a decade ago. We’re well past that.” _We’re family,_ he thought. _It’s the sort of thing we should do for each other._

“I know. But taking advantage of your kindness still feels wrong when we don’t absolutely need it. You don’t need to buy our love. Either of us.”

Levi didn’t reply. He finished patching up the hole with the putty he’d brought over and came out from under the sink.

“You want to stick around for a little longer?” she asked hopefully.

He slipped off the gloves and put them back in his supply bucket. “Sure.”

They went through to the living room, and Mikasa made Levi try her homemade iced tea. He noticed that on the opposite end of the room, a large collection of egg cups sat out on the table. Carla’s. He didn’t get the chance to ask Mikasa what they were doing there.

“I saw you outside the bar the other night,” she confessed abruptly as Levi sipped the too-sweet tea.  

Levi froze, hand tightening around his glass. The crappy tea had been a trap. “Oh. Great.”

“Why didn’t you come in?”

“Eren looked happy. I felt like I’d be intruding.”  

“He didn’t say so, but I could tell he was disappointed you didn’t show up. All night he just kept checking his phone and the door for you.”

Levi’s heart sank. “He did move my tea around to annoy me, but I forgot about that with the other Eren’s visit that night.”

“Levi, why do you think you’d be intruding?”

“I wanted him to enjoy himself with his friends without worrying about me and making sure I was having fun. I hadn’t seen him look so relaxed in a long time.”

“You know you’re the only person I can trust to protect him, right?” Mikasa said, gentler now. “Don’t be the one to hurt him. Especially when you mean well.”

“You’re not the first person to tell me that,” he said.

She followed his line of sight to the egg cups.

“I’m trying to figure out what to do with them. They’ve been in storage all this time.”

“Oh,” he said dully. He thought of them often. Carla had kept them in a glass cabinet in her den. Whenever Levi saw an egg cup, he’d buy her one, especially if it looked like an animal. All the ones he’d selected were there: the rabbit one with the ceramic ears, the matching cats with painted whiskers, the chicken one that had made her laugh.

“I’ve told you this before, but you really should take them,” Mikasa said.   

“You wanted them.” Levi shook his head. “They’re yours.”

“We could split them up?”

“That feels wrong.”

“Just think about it,” she said, touching his arm. “I think mom would have been happy they’d be in such good hands. And Eren’s too,” she teased.

He chuckled at that, turning the rabbit cup over in his hand and running his thumb along the chipped edge. He’d gotten it at a flea market during that lonely year without Eren. Levi had still gone to the market on his own each Sunday, even after Eren had stopped showing up to meet him. It had been his own fault for trying to do the right thing. For trying to set Eren free.

Though he understood his reasons, he pitied the other Levi who was about to push his Eren away. It wasn’t his place, but a part of him wanted to tell him to be selfish. To treat Eren with love and kindness and to hold onto him for as long as he could. To have one beautiful thing in that ugly world.

“Take that one at least,” Mikasa said.

He thought for a moment. “Alright.”

He’d allow himself just the one.

 

 

“We need to Google harder!” Levi heard Eren shout when he entered the house.

Levi stepped into the living room to find Armin sat next to Eren on the couch, both typing furiously on their laptops.

“Hey, Levi,” Eren said, looking up from his computer when he noticed Levi. “Armin’s here.”

“Yes, I can see that. Hello, Armin.” He didn’t mind Armin was there, only wished Eren had given him a head’s up. When Eren became laser-focussed on something, details like that escaped him. Levi knew that their conversation from earlier would be put on the back burner too. He should have realised that as soon as Eren mentioned that lead.

Armin greeted Levi with a meek smile. “Sorry, Levi. I didn’t think I’d still be here this late.”

“No worries. Did Eren remember to feed you?”

“He’s not a cat!” Eren said indignantly. “But yes I forgot. Should we order take out?”

“No no! I don’t want to impose. Really,” Armin said, “I’m fine. I’ll grab something at the gas station before I head to Erwin’s.”

The fuck?

Armin caught Levi’s baffled expression and glanced at Eren. “Oh, I guess Eren didn’t tell you.”

“I forgot,” Eren said. “Sorry. Levi, Armin and Erwin are dating.”

Always room for more weird shit to go on. They hadn’t had their fill of that lately. “All the best to you both,” Levi said. Eren gaped at Levi, he’d probably been hoping for a bigger reaction.

“Uh, thanks,” Armin said.

Levi had been distracted by that odd turn of events and forgotten what he’d initially wanted to ask Eren.

“Do you mind if Farlan drops by later? I want to try to sort things out with him.”

“Yeah, sure,” Eren replied. “I might hole up to follow up with some of these threads, but it’s cool if he’s here.”

“What threads are you talking about?” Levi squinted at him.

“We found people on this like, fucking random-ass subreddit who say they have memories from the lost ‘Titan times’.”  

Levi’s gaze shot to Armin.

“Oh. Armin knows now,” Eren said as though this were perfectly normal. “He’s all up to speed.”

Armin chimed in, “It sounds impossible, but it’s the most interesting thing that’s happened to me in a long time. And Hanji was convincing. It explains why she showed up at the library so frantically.”

“Right.” Levi scrubbed a hand over his face.  

“I was supposed to go with her, but she got too excited,” Eren interjected.

“I was curious why she was suddenly so interested in an old myth,” Armin said. “But I certainly wouldn’t have ever reached the correct conclusion on my own.”

“I thought you might remember something, too. Like Hanji did or Mikasa and Levi’s nightmares,” Eren said.  

Levi hoped this didn’t mean Eren would insist on trying to explain this to everyone that he recognised from the other lifetime.

“Maybe there are other ways for me to trigger my memories,” Armin said, excitement in his voice.

Their excited chatter followed Levi into the kitchen. He was superfluous to the conversation anyway.

He realised he was still carrying around the egg cup and that Eren hadn’t even noticed it in his hands. There was no obvious place to keep it. Without the rest of the collection, it made for a lonely figure. As he heard Eren laugh again from the other room, he thought, _I hope you were right, Carla. I hope he’s better off with me._

Though he wanted nothing more than to retreat to the bedroom and hide out for the rest of the night, he picked up the phone and called Farlan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to [ Attraversiamo19 ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/attraversiamo19/pseuds/attraversiamo19) for betaing!! 
> 
> And thank you to [DreamxxDream](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamxxdream/pseuds/dreamxxdream) and [Ageha_Sakura](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ageha_Sakura/pseuds/Ageha_Sakura) for providing me early reader feedback on this chapter <3
> 
> Comments and kudos are so appreciated! Also, tracking this fic on tumblr with the tag fic: difficult to know. My tumblr is [OmgLeviXEren](https://omglevixeren.tumblr.com/)


	13. Chapter 13

Eren sat down next to Levi, shoulder to shoulder on the couch, brimming with excitement.

“What is it?” Levi asked, setting aside his work.  

“There’s someone on this forum who says that they also remember the ‘Lost Titan Years’.” 

Levi raised an eyebrow. “And you believe this random person?” 

“I don’t know. Maybe!” Eren nudged Levi. “You and Mikasa had the nightmares. Hanji freaked when she started learning about the Titans. It’s possible there are more people like us out there.” 

“But they could also just be full of shit,” he pointed out, nudging Eren back.  

“Well, yeah, I guess. They could have gotten most of this information from the right history books, but still. It’s a lead. At least now I had more to search for than ‘Titans’.”  

“True.”

“The last message they posted was from about a year ago, but hopefully they’ll still see my response.” 

He was glad Eren seemed more relaxed, happy even, but this was how it often went. Eren would get caught up in something temporarily exciting and then grow despondent again when the high wore off. It was why for months Levi kept thinking,  _ if I could just help you figure out what you want to do... _ why he’d seized on the idea of Eren going back to school when he’d expressed an, albeit brief, interest. It had only seemed to frustrate Eren more in the end, though, so Levi had been left unsure how to help him. 

Levi had the same inclination to let their earlier conversation go--which he knew he had to stop doing from many discussions with his therapist. Whatever the other Levi and Eren had stirred up, they needed to address it at some point. He just didn’t quite know what he wanted to say.

“How did things go with Farlan?” Eren asked. Levi was actually a little surprised he’d remembered to check in given how focussed he was on writing his next forum post. 

“They were fine. He didn’t seem convinced things were alright, but I wasn’t about to tell him what's going on.” What a fucking awkward conversation that would be.  _ By the way, you’re dead in that other world. Good to see you alive, man.  _

“Oh. Are you mad I told Armin?” Eren’s mouth tugged down into a worried frown. 

Levi shook his head and put his arm around Eren. “No. That was your call to make, and I’m glad you have someone else to talk to. Why  _ did  _ you tell him, though?” 

“It’s going to sound strange.”

“Try me,” Levi said. 

“When I saw Armin the other Eren’s memories it reminded me of how things used to be between us. I remembered how supportive he can be.” Eren sighed. “It was impulsive, but I just felt like maybe it could bring us closer together again. And maybe I can put that big brain of his to good use.” 

“That doesn’t sound strange at all.” 

Eren gave him a small smile, then said, “I’m glad you talked to Mikasa yesterday.” 

“Me too.” 

“I wish,” Eren started haltingly. “I wish that you’d had each other growing up.” 

“Then we wouldn’t have had you,” Levi pointed out. 

“I wish that you’d had each other growing up...and still somehow had me too.” 

Levi gave a short laugh. “Yes, well. That very specific wish is sweet but pointless. We would have just been two kids with awful nightmares.” 

“When you put it that way, I guess it wouldn’t have made much of a difference.” Eren didn’t look reassured, though. 

“Any idea how long we’ve got until we’re body-snatched again?” Levi asked dryly, changing the subject. 

“No idea,” Eren replied.  

“We’re both just sitting ducks then.” Levi wondered how they’d been so lucky that the sudden appearance of the other Eren and Levi had never caused them any harm. He certainly hoped it would carry on that way. 

Eren nodded. “I’m sure they’ll be back soon. We’ll just be...careful in the meantime.”

“That’s all well and good,” Levi said. “But when does this end?” 

“I don’t know, but there has to be some reason they’re coming here. Something we can do that ends this.” 

Levi sighed. “We keep looking then.” 

“We keep looking,” Eren agreed. 

They fell into a rhythm over the next few days. Eren mostly wanting to discuss leads, the latest messages he’d sent to his mysterious new contact, wondering if there was a way they could meet. If he wasn’t updating Levi, it was Mikasa, Armin or Hanji, and eventually Jean--“He’s my  _ husband, _ ” Mikasa had finally snapped. “I told him everything weeks ago, we’ve just been waiting for you two dopes to give me the all clear.” 

Things between Eren and Levi felt good most of the time. They hadn’t exactly left the conversation on a  _ bad  _ note, but there was something unfinished hanging over them, and the fact that Levi wasn’t certain what it was left him off-kilter. 

Seeing Eren so intent on helping their counterparts kept Levi from trying to distract him. It had been a long time since he’d seen Eren so enthusiastic, focussed. He could hang back for a little longer, give them both time to separate these two other lives that had invaded their headspace.

At least Eren wanted Levi caught up in his plans too. It pleased him every time Eren gave him another instruction for what to do if the other Eren showed up without Levi. Every time they thought of new things to show their counterparts. Every time they shared an overlapping memory from the other world. 

Eren heard back from the person who claimed they remembered the Titans, their previous life. After writing back and forth to one another, Eren agreed to a video chat.

“They’re travelling right now,” Eren said over their morning cups of coffee and tea. “They’ll contact me when they’re back.” 

“Shit,” Levi said. “You want me on the call too?”

“Yeah, definitely. They said that was fine. I’m thinking we get the others over too, but just have them off-screen.” 

“Why the fuck not? Use the family group chat while you’re at it.” 

“I know you’re being sarcastic, but I feel an obligation to Jean to do that. He’s pissed at me.” 

Levi leaned back in his chair, taking a thoughtful sip of tea. “Hm. Tell him that I fixed his bad sink repairs. He can be mad at me instead.” 

“Can I? I think that’ll work. Jean can only stay angry at one person at a time.” 

Levi waved a hand and said magnanimously, “Sure.” 

“I’m going to put another pot on before work. You want more tea? We have to finish working on our notes.” 

They had different plans for if the other Eren, Levi or both came at once. For instance, if both came, Armin had suggested they leave post-it notes around the house with instructions for how to contact someone. 

In the meantime, all they could do was wait. 

 

 

It was two weeks until the other Eren returned. He seemed broody, his presence pulling the plug on the near-manic enthusiasm of Levi's own Eren.  

“No other Levi this time?” he asked.

Eren’s face clouded. “No.” 

Levi could guess the source of the misery, and a pang of guilt shot through him. Could he be blamed for the transgressions of another life? Apparently he could from the way Eren was eying him warily. 

“We’ve been keeping notes for you,” Levi offered. “To see if any names or things stand out.” He went to retrieve the notebook from their bedroom. “Unless my Eren’s in there right now and can show you himself.”

“No, I don’t feel him like last time. Maybe because we’re not drunk?” 

“Probably.”

Eren looked miserable, and no matter which Eren was in his body, Levi couldn’t bear to see it. Especially knowing he--in any form--was likely the cause of it. 

“Would you like to go somewhere?” he asked, recalling the awe the other Levi had experienced at seeing where they lived. “We can bring the notes.” 

“Sure, I guess. Where?” At least there was a flicker of interest even though his eyes were still downcast. 

Levi ran through a mental list of all the places he could take Eren, and he remembered how intrigued he’d been by the photograph of the ocean, how his own Eren could be soothed by its presence. 

“To the beach.” 

Eren looked at him blankly. Levi still hadn’t gotten used to explaining what every little thing was. “The ocean is there,” he clarified. 

Eren’s eyes widened. “Really?” 

_ Ah, now I’ve got your interest,  _ Levi thought. “It’s not too far away, but I’m going to have to explain what a car is.”

“Uh, okay.” Eren looked nervous but followed Levi outside where he listened with his usual intensity as Levi spoke.  

He showed Eren how to buckle his seatbelt, and then they were on their way. Levi was careful not to drive too fast, lest Eren get carsick. If the body you were borrowing was used to riding in cars, but the soul inside wasn’t, did you still get carsick? Levi didn’t particularly want to roll the dice with that one.  

He explained what the radio was, and he even played some of the songs that his own Eren liked, an experiment of sorts. And yes, shitty taste in music seemed to translate over lifetimes. “This is weird, but kind of nice,” he said of some early 90s dance music. Levi winced. 

As they neared their destination, the salty ocean air drifted through the cracked car windows, and out of the corner of his eye he saw Eren’s brows knit together. 

“What’s that smell?” 

“The ocean.” 

Eren pressed his hands to the glass, craning his neck. “Where?”

“Just over the bend,” Levi told him, and sure enough, the ocean appeared before them, waves breaking in foamy ruffles against the shore. The sea was calm and languid tonight. 

Levi pulled the car over at the lookout point. Eren had once driven them here late at night, climbed into Levi’s lap and made out with him until some drunk teenagers showed up, tapping on the car window and making kissing faces at them. 

The last of the light clung to the sky, the tide just coming in and covering the sand in blankets of waves. Eren got out of the car and walked over to the ledge. His hands clutched the metal rail as he looked down at the sea in quiet awe. 

“I wasn’t ready to come back to your world,” he said, voice thick with emotion. “But I knew I had to. So one day back home we could see something like this.” Eren turned to face Levi, tears on his cheeks. 

Levi ushered him over to the car where he’d left the trunk open. He’d owned his ugly, boxy car for over a decade, and he and his Eren had sat at the edge of the trunk under the stars countless times over the years. 

“Take a seat,” Levi said, patting the space next to him.

Cautiously, Eren did as he was told. Levi noticed that he even wiped his tears the same way as his Eren, with the back of his hand. Angry, frustrated, defiant. 

“Why didn’t you want to come back here?” Levi asked.

Without hesitating, Eren replied, “I wasn’t ready to see you again.” The ocean breeze blew his hair softly into his eyes, and Levi stopped himself from reaching over to brush it away.  

“So you talked to him then?” 

Eren gave a short, miserable nod. 

“I saw what happened between you,” Levi said. “After you’d been rescued from that...cave.” That strange memory kept coming into his head--Eren shirtless, in chains. The violence of it all gave him chills. It came to him now in nightmares too.

“He must have thought I was so pathetic that night,” Eren said bitterly. He spoke towards the sea, refusing to look at Levi.   

Eren was wrong. The other Levi had sensed a kindred spirit in Eren, someone he could whisper secrets to in the quiet of the night.  

“No. He understood.” 

“Maybe.” Eren shook his head. “I don’t know. I’ve spent so much time trying not to think about that night. I couldn’t figure out why he’d let me stay. Pity maybe.” 

“I can tell you with certainty that whatever kindness he showed you was never out of pity.” 

Eren scowled. “How could you possibly know that? It’s different between you and your Eren. He shared a similar memory with me, but the way it turned out...It’s not the same.” 

“In some ways you’re right. But I think we have more in common than we realised.” The saltwater breeze blew back towards them again, and Levi breathed it in deeply. “So what happened when Levi returned?” 

“He told me that nothing could happen between us.” Eren’s scowl deepened. “But then he  _hugged_ me, and it reminded me of what Eren said. That he wouldn’t just do that for anyone and I--I kissed him.” 

Levi’s eyes widened. The kid had balls to kiss his superior officer. 

Eren continued, “For a second, I thought he was going to let me. It seemed almost like he was going to kiss me back. But he really doesn’t want me...” Eren trailed off with a defeated sigh and gazed out at the sea again. 

“I think he spends a lot of time trying not to think about you,” Levi said slowly, and Eren’s head jerked towards him. “I mean, you can understand his position, can’t you?” Those two probably  _ shouldn’t  _ be together. No matter the pull between them. 

“Yes. I just wish things were different.” 

“Maybe they will be someday. You don’t have to give up forever.” 

“What do I do next then?” Eren asked. A challenge in his voice.

“Don’t leave him,” Levi answered. “If what you have is just a short-lived crush or lust, it isn’t worth fighting for anyway.” 

Eren’s eyes narrowed, shoulders tense and defensive. “What do you mean?” 

“It might not seem fair, but if you run away, he’ll think he made the right choice, that he did you a favor.” 

That year without Eren, after he’d turned him down, he’d thought Eren must have been happy. Imagined him off at school making new friends, going to parties, maybe even falling in love. Never considered that Eren’s longing, lonely ache might have matched his own. 

And Levi had most certainly felt an identical ache in the other Levi’s heart. He had felt such depths of sorrow and pain, beyond anything in his own comprehension, and even just the sight of Eren in this world had eased it. 

“Be a friend to him,” Levi suggested. “The choice is yours of course, but that’s what I recommend. Even if it’s going to hurt sometimes until it gets easier.” 

A seagull squawked overhead, a lonely call in the night, briefly crowding out the soothing sound of the waves. Eren stood and walked over to the edge of the lookout point, eyes fixed on the blackening ocean below.  

“Is that how it was for you two?” Eren asked. 

The answer was complicated. Eren had put so much distance between them, Levi had thought for sure he’d imagined their friendship. That he’d imagined that they were family. 

“Yes and no.” Levi tilted his head back to look up at the last pink gasps of sunlight. “I don’t know what Eren’s shown you about his mother.” 

“Not much,” Eren said. “Mostly happy memories. But I know she died.” 

Levi nodded. He stretched his legs out, toeing at a pebble beneath his feet. 

“I met Eren, his mother and Mikasa when he was about sixteen.” 

At Eren’s puzzled look Levi added, “Mikasa and I weren’t raised together. I didn’t even know I had a sister until Eren found me and introduced us. For so long, I wished I had a family and then suddenly Eren showed up and changed my life.” Suddenly, Levi had felt he belonged somewhere. 

“Mikasa is your sister?” Eren repeated, eyes going wide. 

Surprised, Levi said. “Oh, yes. We have the same father. It’s not the same for your Levi?” 

Eren shook his head. 

“Huh. Interesting.” He filed that information away for later. “Anyway, as I got to know Mikasa, I got to know Carla and Eren too. He wasn’t very subtle about having a crush on me.” Levi rolled his eyes fondly. 

Face red, Eren stared intently out at the glittering sea as he listened.  

Levi crossed his arms. “One day he kissed me, told me how he felt. I told him no. He was about to start a new phase of his life, and I didn’t want him to miss out on things because he was worrying about me.”  

“I don’t understand what you mean by ‘new phase’.” Eren tilted his head in question. 

“It’s common here for people to go away to school for their studies. Usually when they’re about eighteen. You meet a lot of new people, study, work, build a kind of life for yourself there,” Levi explained. “I’m a decade older than Eren, and I’d already lived that part of my life. It wasn’t something I could share with him.” 

Eren’s expression turned dubious. “No offense, but that doesn’t seem like a very good reason.”  

Levi shrugged. Of course you’d think that at Eren’s age. “Maybe.” 

“Did you change your mind in the end?”  

“Not exactly. His mother got sick and he moved back home. I moved a little closer too, so I could help.” He’d have done anything for any one of them. Carla, Mikasa, Eren. His family.

Sadness washed over Eren’s face. “He showed me some of that. Her dying. It still hurts.” 

Levi knew then that Eren was speaking for himself too. Carla’s death in that other life had been violent, horrifying. There was a small comfort knowing in this life she’d been granted peace. He wanted to reach for Eren, both Erens, and hold him. 

“I know,” Levi said softly. 

“So how did you and Eren...?”

“There was no big conversation about it. You stayed and I stayed, and we just were.” There’d been no choice to make that time.

At first he’d been disappointed that Eren had never gone back to school, but he’d respected the decision and selfishly revelled in the fact that Eren had stayed, that he’d moved into Levi’s home not too long after. More and more of his things appearing in Levi’s spaces, tucked in and around as though there’d been a place for them all along. 

A contemplative silence stretched between them. Levi wondered if his Eren was listening, what he was thinking. 

“So you think he’d want to be my--” Eren paused, as though trying to remember a long-forgotten word, “friend?” He gave Levi an odd, incredulous look.

“Yes.” There wasn’t a doubt in his mind about that. 

“Okay,” Eren said. He stood back again and walked towards the railing to stare out down at the sea. Levi heard him quietly murmur, to himself again, “Okay.” 

 

 

Levi texted Armin and Mikasa, and they met them back at the house a little while later, Jean too. 

“I’m going to pretend you meant to message the family group chat,” Jean said darkly when he and Mikasa arrived.

Levi sighed, but at Mikasa’s glare said, “Sorry.” 

Jean waved a hand. “It’s fine. I just want to meet this bizzare-o, Eren.” 

“Yes,” Mikasa said stepping inside, “Where is he?” 

Levi took them through to the living room, and he and Jean watched as Eren and Mikasa met.  

“Hi,” she said, moving towards Eren. She lifted her arms, unsure. 

A smile spread across his face and he stepped towards her too. “Hi,” he said, and then they embraced. “I saw you here that one time. Before I understood what was going on.” 

“I remember,” Mikasa said. She sounded like she was holding back tears. “God, I was so worried about him. I still am, but at least I don’t think he has a brain tumor or something.” 

“I don’t know what that is, but it sounds bad.” 

She laughed, one of those shaky pre-cry laughs. “Oh, this is Jean. My Jean.”

Eren peered past her and Jean hesitantly made his way over to them. “Hey,” he said awkwardly. “It’s, uh, good to meet you...other Eren.” 

“You too,” Eren said, sounding unsure. He glanced over at Levi as though he held the answers. Levi gave him a smile that he hoped was encouraging.  

“Anyway, I’m not waiting for Armin to get here,” Mikasa declared, breaking the awkward silence. “I have questions.” 

And they discussed them all. What Mikasa remembered from her dreams, what it was like growing up together in both of their lives. She didn’t shy away from the horror of the other life, and it seemed like Eren appreciated her matter of fact approach. 

Jean hung back, only interjecting with a question or two. Once asking, “So you and I aren’t close?” 

“Not really,” Eren said. “You’re not always so bad, though,” he added politely. 

Jean looked perturbed but fell silent again, letting Mikasa resume her questions.

“We’re not siblings in Eren’s world,” Levi interjected when she asked what it was like for the other Mikasa to have the captain as a brother.

“Really?” she said, startled. “It’s so weird to imagine us not being siblings.” 

“You didn’t even know I existed until you were eighteen,” Levi said. 

“Fine. It’s hard to imagine knowing you exist and you not being my brother,” Mikasa clarified, rolling her eyes. 

Eren’s brows knit together. “It’s harder for me to imagine you  _ being _ siblings.”  

Mikasa turned back to Eren. “And you said Jean and I aren’t together either?” 

Eren shook his head, not looking too pleased at the prospect. “Like I said, a lot’s different.” 

Levi snorted. “An understatement.” 

“Whatever,” Jean said lightly, “I loved Mikasa for years before she fell for my charms. I'm sure it's the same there.” 

“Jean,” Mikasa said, “Sorry if I wasn’t ‘charmed’ by my younger brother’s friend gaping at me like a fish whenever I walked in the room.” 

“I didn’t do that!” 

“You did! I liked you when you grew up and asked me out like a normal person.” 

“Aw.” Jean smiled fondly at her. “I love you.” 

“Love you too.” 

Eren looked miserable, and Levi gave him a commiserating look. 

Once Armin arrived, it all started again from the top.

“What’s Erwin like in your world?” Armin asked after he’d exhausted the lines of questioning about himself. 

“He’s a good leader,” Eren said, looking a little perplexed. “Kind too.”  

Armin gave a happy sigh, and Levi fought back an eye roll. 

“Hey Eren, is your buddy Armin dating your commander?” Jean asked mischievously, picking up on Eren’s confusion. 

Scandalised, Eren said, “What? No!”  

Mikasa laughed at Armin’s blush and said to him, “I’m sure if you ask Erwin nicely he’ll do a bit of roleplay with you.” 

“Stop,” Armin groaned, covering his face. 

“You brought this on yourself,” Jean put in. 

Eren looked at Levi in abject horror, but Levi just shrugged in reply. At least Eren wasn’t brooding anymore. 

Though he kept a watchful eye on Eren, Levi kept his distance and let the others lead the conversation. He hoped he’d been able to give Eren some comfort, some clarity with his earlier advice.  On their journey home from the beach, Levi had given Eren the few updates he had and told him to return in a few weeks. 

Now all he could offer was distraction until Eren returned home, and seeing the way he smiled as Mikasa and Jean described their wedding, Levi took quiet pride in the fact that his plan seemed to be working. 

After everyone had left, Levi and Eren sat together in the living room with a deck of cards between them. It had been a long time since Levi had played cards--he’d needed to go rummaging around one of Eren’s many boxes full of junk in order to find them. 

“No, you can’t lay that down,” Levi said. “The number of wildcards can’t outnumber the others.” 

“Right, yeah.” Eren sighed, picked the cards back up again and finished his turn with a discard instead. 

“You’re picking up on this fast,” Levi said. “You should teach your friends back home how to play.” 

“You think so?” Eren asked, a hopeful note in his voice. 

Levi drew a card from the pile between them. “Yeah, I do.” 

A small smile played on Eren’s lips. “I think that’s a good idea. If I can remember the rules, I mean.” 

The day had taken a more peaceful turn, but Levi struggled to relax. A melancholy air hung between them, and if Levi could feel it, then certainly his own Eren must be feeling it ten fold. He was in the belly of the beast, so to speak, stewing in memories and emotions. Now that Levi had experienced it for himself, he suspected Eren’s return would be difficult. 

Still he longed for it. He was ready.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my amazing betas:  
> [ Attraversiamo19 ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/attraversiamo19/pseuds/attraversiamo19), [JaegerBombs](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaegerBombs/pseuds/JaegerBombs).
> 
> And readers/cheerleaders [DreamxxDream](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamxxdream/pseuds/dreamxxdream)  
> & [Ageha_Sakura](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ageha_Sakura/pseuds/Ageha_Sakura)
> 
> Comments and kudos are so appreciated! Tracking this fic on tumblr with the tag 'fic: difficult to know'. Thank you to everyone who has commented/reblogged/left kudos, it means a lot to me!


	14. Chapter 14

Eren returned in the middle of their game, cards slipping from his fingers as he adjusted to his body.

“Fuck,” he said, burying his face in his hands.  

Just as Levi had anticipated, Eren was upset by what he’d seen. He began to pace around the living room the way he always did when he was agitated. A caged tiger. The floor creaked as Eren circled the same part of the wooden floorboards, scattered cards at his feet.

“I don’t understand why both times it was the same. I mean we keep saying how different things are, and _that’s_ what’s the same?”

“Eren--”

“I _saw_ what happened between them while he was in my head.” The pain in his eyes broke Levi’s heart. “And you know what? It just reminds me that sometimes I still feel like I’m a dumb kid. Same as when I was eighteen. Same as it is for the other Eren now.” The floor creaked again as he paced over the same spot, an irritating distraction.

“You’re _not_ ,” Levi insisted, wishing Eren would just stop for a second. “We should have talked about this sooner.”

“I--” Eren faltered, foot paused on the looser board, another low creak emanating. Levi hoped this time Eren might be done.

“What?”

“I didn’t mean to blow off our talk,” Eren said apologetically. “I just wanted to show you that I could do something on my own. Helping the other Eren and Levi feels like the one thing I can actually do to not feel useless.”

Puzzled, Levi said, “But you’re not useless.”

“Sure feels like I am.” Eren raked his hands through his hair. “With everything else in my life, I can’t seem to get my shit together. I’m not even working full-time at the shop.”

“You give lessons too,” Levi pointed out, not understanding where Eren was going with this.

Eren huffed out a weary laugh. “Yeah, but that’s not all that steady.”

The floorboard creaked again as Eren resumed his pacing, but this time Levi stood and took Eren’s hands in his, keeping him in place, and made him meet his eyes as Levi looked up at him. “You’re figuring things out. Nothing wrong with that. I’ve told you.”

“Yeah, I know we’ve had this conversation in the past, but I could feel your disappointment when I didn’t want to put the deposit for classes down.” Eren took a deep breath. “And the other night when you said that you might have been right the first time around, and then when I heard you talking to the other Eren, it got me wondering if you’re starting to think we shouldn’t be together. If you think you’re holding me back.”

Levi knew that he often lacked grace and struggled to articulate his feelings, and he regretted saying that. It was exactly the sort of thing Eren would latch onto, fixate on, then explode.

“You know how fucking bad I am with words. I didn’t mean it like that,” he tried.

“So you’re not thinking about leaving me?” Eren blurted out.

Levi blinked at him. Eren was worried that _Levi_ would be the one leaving? “What? No, of course not. Why would you say that?” If anything, Levi had felt like he’d been the one pissing Eren off, not realizing Eren’s frustration was directed inward.

“Because if I don’t get it together, I’m terrified you’re going to turn around and tell me that I need to go be my own person again. That you’ll break up with me. Maybe the universe is showing us this other crazy world as a sign that we shouldn’t be together.”  

All the air went out of Levi as fear crept in its place. “No. Of all the reasons this could be happening, I don’t believe that’s it. Do you?” He’d tread so carefully around Eren lately, tired and afraid that Eren would confirm Levi’s old fears after all this time.

“No,” Eren let out a sad laugh. “But I worry that you do.”

They watched each other carefully. Levi felt the weight of the moment, holding them both still. The room was growing dark, and neither made a move to switch on the light. They’d loved each other for a long time now, he wouldn’t let the uncertainties of their life (or any other) cast a shadow of doubt about that.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes briefly as he collected his thoughts. “It was hard enough pushing you away the first time around, I can’t do it again.” The words laid him bare. These years with Eren had made him selfish. Like a drowning man, he’d cling to Eren with all he had. “When you stopped speaking to me after you left for school, I…” he couldn’t even finish, his throat tight. If Eren wanted to leave, this time he’d have no idea how to let him go.

“I wanted to give you space from me,” Eren said in a rush, hands flying up to grip Levi’s shoulders. “I knew I needed to get over you. Levi, you could have called if you missed me.”

“I didn’t think you’d pick up the phone.”

Eren’s voice came out strangled when he said, “Did you really feel like I didn’t care about our friendship?”

“I don’t know,” Levi admitted. Over the years they’d talked about what had happened in general terms, but Levi hadn’t realised this was a stone unturned. “I never wanted you out of my life, but I knew that was selfish.”

“When mom got sick, you came to us right away, and I just--I’d already been trying to figure out a way to start seeing you again.” Eren shook his head. “Fuck, I missed you so much. You were my best friend, Levi.” His voice cracked a little at the end, and they stared at one another helplessly.

Choked up now too, Levi managed to say, “You were mine too. Still are.”  

Eren tugged him closer, and Levi found his heart was pounding. “Do you remember the night you came to my room?” Eren said. “After we had to go back to the hospital to get mom stronger pain meds.”

Levi swallowed and nodded. He thought he could hold the dam, prevent the flood, if he stayed still and stoic enough. Of course he remembered that night. How Carla had tried not to cry even though the nerves in her jaw ached so badly she couldn’t sleep or eat. How they’d sat in the hospital waiting for the doctor to prescribe her stronger meds until they could finally all go home and go to bed.

In the dead of night, unable to sleep, Levi had walked by Eren’s room and heard him crying. His hand had hovered in a fist over the door for a split second before he’d knocked, and when Eren had told him to go away he’d ignored him and gone inside. When Eren had said, “You don’t need to do this,” as Levi slipped underneath the covers next him, well, he’d ignored that too.

“You held me every night after that and kept me from falling apart.” A tear slid down Eren’s cheek, his lower lip trembling. “And I--I knew I couldn’t go on without trying again because I loved you. When you kissed me back, I didn’t care why you’d changed your mind. But sometimes I still wonder why you did. If it was just because you felt bad for me.”

Levi held that night so close to his heart. When Eren had rolled over in his arms and kissed him, it felt like he’d been trapped in darkness until that moment. He’d never told Eren what had happened after, why he’d suddenly allowed himself to take what he wanted.  

Levi’s heart ached, each beat a painful thud against his chest. The last of the dim afternoon light lit Eren from behind, casting his face in shadows. Let’s dredge it all up now then, Levi thought, make a clean break in the bones so they heal properly this time.  

“There’s something I want to tell you.” The secret unfurled in Levi’s throat. He closed the last step between himself and Eren, pulling Eren towards him. “What changed was that your mom talked to me.”

“What do you mean?” Eren shifted back so he could see Levi’s face, but he kept his hands on his shoulders. His brows knit together. “About us?”  

Levi nodded. “She told me that if I...if we pursued something that I wouldn’t be ruining your life or your relationship with Mikasa. That I was part of this family and would be no matter what. That you’d be lucky to be with me.” It felt so strange to say the words aloud, still not sure he believed them no matter how many times he’d turned them over in his head, examining them from every angle. “It felt like there were so many reasons for us to be apart, but she told me all the reasons we should be together.”

Eren stared at him, in stunned silence, mind working. “My mom talked to you about us? I mean, she knew how I felt about you...I just didn’t realise she might have ever known how you felt about me.”

Levi couldn’t tell if he was awed or hurt, maybe both. The shadows across his face making it impossible to say.

“Yes, she knew. What she told me wasn’t the only reason I changed my mind, but it was part of it.”

“Why didn’t you tell me before?” He didn’t sound angry, just confused.

“It felt too private.” And maybe he’d been selfish too, wanting to keep that memory of Carla all to himself. Eren had always been good at dragging things out of him.

“But I want you to understand...what it meant to me. What she meant to me. What _you_ mean to me.”  

Eren brought them together again, his arms wrapped around Levi’s shoulders in a protective embrace. “Thank you for telling me now.”

And Levi knew he understood. He felt his whole body relax in Eren’s arms, grateful, exhausted. “I’m glad I did.”

They remained in the centre of the dark living room, close together as though they were about to slow dance. The soft whirring of the air conditioning was the only sound around them.  

“Do you think we would have still ended up together? If my mom hadn’t gotten sick and she hadn’t talked to you?” Eren asked softly, head resting against Levi’s. “I mean...those weren’t the only reasons right?”

Of course they weren’t the only reasons. Eventually something in him might have cracked and he would have found a way to slice himself open in front of Eren to show him his heart.

“I think so,” Levi said. “Unless you never forgave me for saying no the first time.”  

Eren let out a short laugh. “I was already planning my next move. Even if it was just to be your friend again.”

His heart contracted, tight and painful as it made room for this revelation. As it took root inside of him.

“Even if you’d never loved me the way I loved you, I’d have learned to deal with it just to have you in my life again.”

“Me too,” Levi said quietly.

“Do you think--” Eren closed his eyes--“do you think that there’s hope for them? Any at all?”

Levi’s head rested against Eren’s chest, comforted by the steady rhythm of his heart. “It’s hard to say.” He wished there was hope. He wished someday they’d find their way together.  

“I feel like them,” Eren said. “I can feel the things he’s shared with me, and it’s so fresh. I can feel myself kissing you, you pushing me away, and it _hurts._ ”

“I know. It fucking hurts.” Though he didn’t have that dreaded memory yet, he understood all too well the pain these memories carried with them.

“There are moments when I look at you now I see the other Levi, and I hurt all over again. I don’t even know whose memories are causing the pain sometimes.”

Levi pulled back so he could reach a hand up to cup Eren’s face. “Me too.”

“I want to--can we pretend? Just for now?”

Levi nodded minutely. Fearful anticipation. He wanted it too.

Quiet between them, and then Eren said, “Captain...I know we shouldn’t do this, I know you told me not to, but I need you.” The words were stiff, awkward, but Eren’s hushed voice, the pleading look in his eyes, summoned a storm within Levi. Tempestuous, dangerous winds.

“We can’t, Eren. Don’t do this.”

“Why? What are you afraid of?”

“I’m not afraid of anything. Whatever this is between us, we can’t act on it.” Part of him felt utterly foolish, part of him felt a surge of adrenaline.

“You let me stay with you,” Eren said it like an accusation, a weapon he could wield. “I _know_ you Cap-- _Levi._ You wouldn’t do that if you didn’t care.”

“Of course I care,” Levi snapped, forgetting his reservations, letting memories that belonged to another life take hold. “I care too much, and that’s why you need to leave.”

“No.” Eren shook his head, refusing to look away from Levi. “You have to make me.”

Levi grabbed Eren by the arm, but that was what Eren wanted. That touch, that spark. He swung himself towards Levi, pulled himself in rather than let himself be dragged away.    

Ferocious, he glared down at Levi, and Levi glared back up at him. Their teeth met, bared, until they melted into the kiss. Eren’s hands balled into fists around Levi’s shirt, his lips working against Levi’s as though he wanted to devour him. Along for the ride now, reluctant but more willing by the second, Levi let Eren guide them.

Where Eren’s lips moved, Levi’s moved too, and he held Eren in his arms the way he’d longed to since that night after the kidnapping. Since the night Levi had climbed into bed behind Eren and held him through his sobs. Two lives merging together, memories bleeding into one another until he couldn’t tell Eren apart. Until he wanted him more than he’d ever even known was possible.

“Eren,” he choked out. “This isn’t right.”

“I don’t care.”

“We have to stop this, before it goes too far.”

“Levi, it already has.”

And they were kissing again. Eren backing him up against the wall, and lifting Levi so his legs wrapped around his waist.

“Let me make you feel good,” Eren whispered. And he wasn’t Levi then, but Captain Levi, letting someone touch him, care for him, love him even. His body became a livewire, as though he and Eren hadn’t made love in years. As though he’d been starved for touch and full of quiet, pulsing longing.

He moaned Eren’s name against his lips. “Eren,” he said and kissed him. “Eren, Eren, Eren.” Until his name was swallowed as they kissed again, Levi’s hands tangling roughly in Eren’s long hair.

His cock ached to be free, straining against the confines of his jeans. He rubbed himself against Eren’s abdomen, trying to find some release. Understanding, Eren pivoted and threw them both down onto the couch. They rutted against each other, scrambling to remove the other’s clothes as quickly as possible. Eren undid his belt, never breaking the kiss, unzipped Levi’s jeans to let his cock spring free.

“Fuuuuck,” Levi groaned and let his head fall back as Eren wrapped his big hand around Levi’s erection, stroking him from base to tip. “Take off your clothes, so I can feel you,” he ordered.  

Eren stripped off his shirt, and Levi’s body flushed at the sight of him. “So fucking gorgeous,” Levi said. He pulled himself up to his knees, and pushed Eren back so he was on top.

“Yes,” Eren said, voice a plea. “God, yes. I want you to fuck me, Levi.” He looked up at Levi hungrily, lips parted, eyes begging.

Levi shivered. He undid Eren’s pants, flinging them to the floor once he’d pulled them off. Urgency drove him on, as though he’d never get this chance again.

He took hold of Eren’s cock and pressed it against his own, grinding desperately against one another. Beneath him, Eren whimpered. Crazy-making, needy whimpers that had Levi throbbing against him. He circled his thumb around Eren’s tip, sliding the pre-cum across the head.

He came back to himself, breaking out of the desperate haze. “The lube’s in the other room,” he muttered.

“Fuck.” Eren gave a shaky laugh. “What are we doing?”

“I have no idea. But god I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything before.”

“Which of me?”

“Both,” he said. The word a raw, dangerous thing.

Eren flushed. “Go get the lube,” he ordered softly.

When Levi returned his mouth went dry at the sight of Eren, and he squeezed his cock to take some of the edge off. Spread out on the couch, cock bobbing against his belly, hair a wild mess around his eyes, Eren stroked himself, teasing.

“You still want me to fuck you?” Levi asked, moving towards Eren like he was hypnotised.

“I think I might actually die if you don’t.”

Levi lay down on top of Eren, leaving space between them so he could slip his lubed-up fingers into Eren.

“Just like that, yeah, Levi.” Eren worked his hips back, fucking himself on Levi’s fingers until he was babbling, begging Levi to fuck him.

When Levi replaced his fingers with his cock, they were both frantic for it. Eren met every thrust. “Harder, oh god fuck, give it to me harder!” He arched his back as Levi changed his angle just slightly and found Eren’s pleasure. As he pumped, deep and hard, he could feel his orgasm building, his whole body tensing. Eren was close too; his cock was so stiff in Levi’s hands.

“You feel so good,” Levi moaned, thrusts becoming more erratic as Eren clenched around him, a vice grip.

He was so fucking in love with Eren. Couldn’t remember a time when he hadn’t been. What had been in his heart before? Had it been a vacant space? A lack? Had Eren been in this life all along, still imprinted from their past?

“God, don’t stop. I’m so close,” Eren begged, voice hoarse.

They moved together, and Levi touched all the planes of Eren’s muscles, left love bites on his neck, fucked him until he didn’t know where he ended and Eren began.

Eren writhed beneath him, and when he grabbed Levi’s ass with both hands and said, “Come inside me, as deep as you can,” Levi fucking lost it. He pistoned his hips forward and came with his flushed face hidden in the crook of Eren’s neck. Almost simultaneously, Eren came, crying out Levi’s name, body trembling.

Levi pulled out carefully, but otherwise he stayed where he was, unable to tear his gaze away from Eren.

“Don’t ever make leave me again,” Eren said, looking up at him.

He didn’t know which Levi he was speaking to. It didn’t matter. “Don’t ever let me.”

 

 

 

Later that night, tangled together in bed, Levi said, “You’ve never been a failure in my eyes. Seeing you so passionate again about something, even if it’s some weird fucking shit, is good.”

Eren hummed. “It _feels_ good. I never felt like that about med school. Makes me wonder if I’ll ever figure out what I want to do with my life.”

“You will. It never seemed to bother you before, though. I thought you were happy working at the shop.”

“I was, but it’s always felt like I’m just treading water there a bit. When Jean left to go start his own thing, it got me thinking.”  

“Mikasa’s between things too.”  

“I know. To be honest, that’s probably part of it. She always kicks ass at whatever she wants to do, so she’ll be fine. But what the hell am I going to do? What the hell am I even good at?”

“You’re great at reaching high places,” Levi deadpanned. Sometimes Eren needed to be snapped out of his downward spirals. “No one can hand me things quite like you can.”  

Eren kicked Levi lightly, but he was smiling now. “I’m serious! Look, I’ve been afraid that whatever I wind up doing, it won’t live up to your expectations.”

Levi shifted, propping himself up on his elbow so he could see Eren. He raised an eyebrow at him. “What grand expectations do you think I have?”

“You seemed to really want me to go back to school.”

Levi frowned. “Because there was a week where you talked about running your own surf shop. You said you needed to take some business classes in order to do that.”

“...Oh. Yeah. I kind of forgot about that. But that’s what I mean. If every week I come to you with my _maybe_ and you give me all these great solutions, and then I decide not to take them... I just feel like a loser failure again. I don’t want to disappoint you.”

“I promise you I won’t see you as a loser failure while you figure it out. I won’t be disappointed with whatever you decide. I just want you to be happy.”

“And I promise you that whatever it is, I want you there with me. Don’t ever feel like I’m giving up on some big dream or whatever for us. You’re my big dream,” Eren mumbled the last bit.

Warmth spread through Levi’s chest. “Idiot,” he said fondly. “Whatever you decide to do is okay. Except if it involves cleaning. You’re fucking terrible at it.”

Eren laughed. “Hey, I’m getting better. I learned from the best.”

“Your skills are passable, but there’s an art to it, and you lack spark.”

“Asshole,” Eren muttered as he elbowed Levi playfully. “Sure. Once our lives go back to normal, I’ll think about anything I can do besides that.”

“Good plan. No need to worry about it now when you have strangers on the internet to email back.”

“Yeah,” Eren agreed. “And I really want to help them. Whatever I can do, even if it’s emailing a million random strangers back, I’ll do it.”

“I know you will,” he said with more gravity than he’d meant to. Because he did. Even when Eren wouldn’t believe in himself, Levi would be there to do it for him. He knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Eren would do this.

 

 

 

Sure enough, just over a week later they set the computer up on the kitchen table. Armin, Hanji, Mikasa and Jean sat on the opposite side, behind the screen with chairs pulled in from around the house since they didn’t have enough at the table for everyone.

“All of you stay quiet,” Levi said. “No gasping or oohing and ahhing.” He gave pointed looks to Hanji and Armin, who looked offended at the accusation.   

The mysterious person that Eren had been messaging back and forth with had requested a video call once they’d exchanged names.

Eren had been full of anticipation all day, barely sleeping the night before. Now, he sat jiggling his knee, unable to keep still.

“It’s going to be fine,” Levi said. “Even if they don’t know a fucking thing, we’ll keep looking.”

Eren nodded. He was about to say something when the call came through, and he launched forward to accept the call.  

“Frieda, right?” Eren greeted the dark-haired woman on the screen. “Thanks for taking the time to talk.”

A grin spread across Frieda’s lovely face, bright and joyous. “Hello, Eren,” she said. “It’s me who should be thanking you! I’ve been waiting to meet you.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up, canonverse ereris again <3 I missed them. 
> 
> I thank the same people at the end of every chapter so just go ahead and remember how amazing they are.
> 
> Thank you so much to readers who have stuck with this fic for awhile and new readers who take the time to leave kudos/comments/reblog on tumblr. It puts such a big smile on my face, and I adore you all. 
> 
> Tracking this fic on tumblr with the tag 'fic: difficult to know'. I'm [OmgLeviXEren](https://omglevixeren.tumblr.com/) on tumblr <3


	15. Chapter 15

When training and chores were finished for the day, Eren took advantage of the last of the afternoon sun in the palace gardens. The soft droning of honeybees and the sweet smell of flowers filled the air. He was blissfully alone.

A book sat open in his lap but Eren kept losing his place, drifting off mid-paragraph and staring off into space instead, mulling over his conversation with the other Levi. His words had been similar to Hanji’s, the ones he’d brushed off when she’d tried to tell him that Levi cared about him. That he was different with Eren than he was with others.  

The quiet of the garden was interrupted by the sound of approaching footsteps and hushed voices.

“You okay there, Eren?” Sasha asked, nibbling on a piece of bread--no doubt acquired by a cunning mix of charm and dogged persistence. The kitchen staff secretly adored her.

Mikasa stood by Sasha’s side, frowning at Eren with that motherly concern that so often irked him. Today though, he was too distracted by the recollection that in the other life, she was Levi’s half-sister.

“I’m fine,” he said.  

His friends exchanged looks and he flinched. “What?”

“It’s okay, Sasha,” Mikasa said, “you can tell him.”

Sasha swallowed her last bite of bread and took a seat on the bench next to Eren, leaning back against the fancy swirled back.

“Ug, it’s so uncomfortable,” she groaned. “Do you think Historia would get more comfortable benches if we asked?”

Mikasa sighed and crossed her arms. “ _Sasha._ ”

“Right, sorry. Eren, listen. I just wanted to say that I know how hard it can be when you have feelings for someone and you don’t know how they feel, or you know they don’t feel it back for you.” She fiddled with her ponytail, tightening it at the top.

Eren glanced at Mikasa, but she kept her gaze out towards the flower beds, expression neutral.

“Why are you telling me this?” Eren asked, not unkindly.

“Mikasa mentioned there was someone you liked who wasn’t interested in you.”

Cringing, Eren nodded with reluctance.

Sasha patted his arm. “It’ll be okay,” she said.

“Who do you like Sasha?” Eren asked, baffled. He’d assumed the others had thought just as little about romantic pursuits as he did. Or at least he _had._

“You have to promise not to say anything,” she said, looking uncharacteristically serious.

Eren wrinkled his nose. “Who would I tell?” He didn’t sit around gossiping about this sort of thing with anyone. This was the closest he’d ever come, and didn’t know if it was an experience he wanted to repeat.

“Promise,” Sasha insisted.   

“I promise,” Eren intoned.

“Connie.”

Eren’s eyes widened. “Wow, really? I knew you two were close, but I never guessed you thought about him like that.”

Sasha looked a bit miserable. “He doesn’t think so either. He told me recently I was like a sister to him.”

Mikasa frowned sympathetically at Sasha.

“Anyway, Eren. If I saw another version of myself and Connie and they were together and happy, I bet it would hurt.”

Registering Sasha’s words, Eren groaned. “Mikasa, you _told_ her?”

After Mikasa had confronted him about their counterparts, he'd admitted his own interest in Levi. Looking back, she'd dropped the subject too quickly at the time. 

“I thought it would help. And it wasn’t exactly hard for anyone to figure out you liked the Captain,” Mikasa replied calmly. “We thought it was strange how much you wanted to impress him with your cleaning all the time.”  

“Yeah,” Sasha agreed. “Then you started acting even stranger with him after you and Historia were rescued.”

Heat rushed to his face.

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want, but we just wanted to let you know it’s okay. And if you ever want to complain with me, that’s okay too,” Sasha said.

“Thanks, Sasha,” he mumbled, surprisingly touched by the offer. He couldn’t say for certain he would take her up on it, but he was grateful nonetheless.

“I’m going to go see if I can get some more bread from the kitchen,” Sasha said, rising from the bench.  

“Sasha, leave those poor people alone!” Mikasa chided.

Ignoring her, Sasha began to walk off, calling over her shoulder, “Bye, Mika! Bye, Eren!”

Eren turned to Mikasa who was still standing, arms crossed. “Why did you have Sasha come and talk to me?”

“I didn’t really think you’d want to hear it from me,” Mikasa said. “Besides, I don’t know what it’s like, but Sasha does. I thought she could help.”

Still embarrassed that Mikasa and Sasha both knew about his feelings for the Captain, Eren mumbled, “Thank you.”

She turned to face him then, eyes searching his face. “You’re going to leave it alone, though, right?”

“Yeah,” Eren affirmed. A fresh wave of pain washed over him at the admission. “I have to. But the other Levi gave me some advice. I think I’m going to try to--” he paused, realising how silly it was going to sound, but he pressed on, “befriend Captain Levi.”

“Friends with Captain Levi, huh? Good luck with that.” She gave Eren’s hand a quick squeeze, the hint of a smile ghosting across her face.

 

 

 

As his friends chattered around him during dinner that night, Eren observed Levi talking to Hanji and Erwin. Levi looked bored as he spoke, but Hanji was laughing and Erwin had a small, fond smile on his face.

The three of them were friends weren’t they? Not just comrades. Levi was kind to them in his odd, irritable way. It hadn’t taken Eren too long to grow accustomed to it, to enjoy learning the nuances of Levi’s remarks and moods.

A friendship with Levi, if that was all Eren could ever have, would be enough. It would have to be.

Eren waited around after he had finished his meal until Levi had cleared his plate--despite Historia reminding him that the staff would handle it--and was headed out of the palace’s dining room alone.

“Captain,” Eren called after him.

His heart raced when Levi turned to look at him, expression giving nothing away. They hadn’t spoken much since Eren had returned from his last excursion to the other world. He’d been there when Eren had debriefed the officers, informing them of the plan to return in a couple weeks. And yesterday Levi had authorised more hardening experimentation, but that was the extent of their interactions.

They certainly hadn’t been alone since the inn. Briefly, Eren’s lips tingled at the memory, but prickles of shame chased that longing away into the dark corners of his heart.

“What is it, Eren?”

“I was wondering if you wanted to play a round of cards? The other Levi taught me a new game.” He pulled out the deck from his pocket and held it up, as though he needed proof that he could be trusted not to kiss Levi again.

Levi’s face remained guarded, but after a moment he said, “Alright. Follow me.”

Together, they climbed the spiral steps atop one of the quiet towers facing the East. Eren knew sometimes Levi came up here to be alone; he’d seen him slipping off in the past with a book or paperwork in hand.  

From a few steps above, Levi glanced back at Eren. “You better not be planning anything stupid,” he warned.

“I’m not!” Eren replied indignantly.

“I was just being an asshole,” Levi said, quieter.  

“Oh.” Eren relaxed a fraction, tried to play along. “Don’t worry, if I was going to seduce you, I’d show up with a fresh pot of tea and clean sheets.”

There was a pause, the thudding of their boots on the stone steps echoing loudly in the ensuing silence. Eren was beginning to think this had been a terrible idea.

“No one in their right mind would fuck you if you showed up at their door with clean sheets. Don’t be a moron.”    

Eren exhaled, not realising he’d be holding his breath.

When they made it to the top, they were greeted by a clear night sky, decorated with stars and a bright, full moon. Levi had carried up a lantern with them, and he rested it down beside them so they could see the cards clearly.

“I might get some of the rules wrong,” Eren admitted, flicking his gaze to Levi who shrugged with one shoulder.

“Let’s see how it goes.”

Eren nodded and dealt the cards, slowly explaining the rules as he went.

“Eren,” Levi interjected. “I know this game.”

“You do?”

“Yeah. Learned from a friend years ago. It was popular in the Underground.”

“You’re not worried about variations?”

“Let’s just worry about them as they come.”

And so they played, often with Levi reminding Eren of the rules, or them fumbling together trying to remember the specifics of scoring.

“You’re misremembering my score,” Levi complained after the second round. “You’ve added it up wrong. This is why you should always have something to write this shit on.”

“I’m definitely remembering it right,” Eren said. “You only had two wild cards when you went out and they were twos not jokers.”

Levi waved a hand. “Fine. But just know that you’re a filthy cheater.”

Eren rolled his eyes and gathered up the cards. Leaning back against the tower wall as he began to shuffle the deck, he mustered up the courage to say, “Captain, can I ask you something?” They hadn’t spoken about their experiences in the other world yet, not in the general sense, and Levi was the only one who might understand.

“Sure,” Levi said, keeping his gaze on his cards.

“When I go to the other world, I feel like I’m guided by something else. Don’t you think it’s strange I--we--haven’t put them in any danger when we’ve arrived?”

Now Levi let his hand drop, and he looked at Eren in disbelief. “You’ve managed to find your way into another world, and you’ve sent me there now too. You could tell me that fire-breathing donkeys were the key to defeating the Titans, and I’d probably believe you. So no, I’m not too bothered by the fact that some--” he gestured vaguely “--greater force seems to be keeping us safe.”

He had a point.

“Sir, you should come back with me next time,” Eren said. “In two weeks, like they said.”

Levi arched an eyebrow. “Why?”

“Because if they make contact with this person who remembers...you might have more knowledge than me, an answer that I don’t. Two heads and all that.”

Levi nodded once. “Alright. But that means you’re going to have to figure out how you sent me in the first place.”

“I think I might know how I did it.” When he’d touched Levi, he was thinking about how he’d wanted to show him the other world, wanted him to believe. It was similar to how he transformed, the purpose he needed to conjure. He didn’t know how or why his touch had activated those powers as Historia touching him had done.

“Is that so?” Levi said mildly.

Eren nodded.

“If you can send me, I’ll go.”

“Sir, did you see the other Levi’s memories too?” Eren asked.

“No, I didn’t,” Levi said, and there was something odd about the way he said it. A brief hesitation, as though Levi was hiding something.

This perplexed Eren because he’d never known Levi to do that. Still, he pressed on. “I saw my father. He’s gone in that world too. And I wondered if you’d seen someone like that. Your uncle, maybe.”

Levi shook his head, face guarded, eyes fixed on Eren.

“Do you ever miss him? Your uncle, I mean,” Eren asked, perhaps naively. He still missed his father, wished he could seek Grisha out for guidance in one moment and rage at him the next. To ask how he could have done this in one breath and in the next say that he understood. That he would do anything he could to set things right with his powers.

When he thought of his father, his brain prickled, as though memories might emerge at any moment, but nothing had happened since he’d touched Historia’s hand.

“I did for a time. But I don’t anymore, no. I’m glad he found peace in the end even if he left me with more fucking problems.” His eyes flickered to Eren’s. “I suppose I’m preaching to the choir. We both got shitty parting gifts.”

The words made Eren flinch. He wondered how his father had felt in the end.

“We’re all a slave to something. Kenny told me that,” Levi continued, a pensive note creeping into his voice that Eren had rarely heard from him. Levi pocketed his cards, hoisted himself up and swung his legs over the stone ledge, looking up at the sky. “In the end, he did something I never expected. He did something selfless by giving me the serum. But what your father did to you, I still haven’t decided.”

Without waiting to be asked, Eren followed suit, pulling himself up to the ledge so they were side by side. It reminded him of the day he’d sent Levi to the other world, when they’d sat by the canal. Now, though, it felt like it was just the two of them far removed from anyone else. The palace and the grounds were quiet, the patrolling guards distant figures, soft glows dotting Mitras where a bar or shop was open late.

He wished he could see the night sky unfettered, endless and expansive and with no walls in sight.  

“I don’t know either,” Eren said, referring to his father. An admission that filled him with sadness. “I want to believe he really thought I could change things. That he thought I could protect humanity.”

Levi nodded. “Maybe it was selfless in its own way. It certainly wasn’t fair to you without a choice, but you’re the reason for so many miracles. More than I could have ever imagined humanity would see. So I’m grateful to him and to you.”

The way Levi spoke was so matter of fact, like he was musing about the weather. He probably had no idea that Eren wanted to kiss him now. Wanted to press his body flush against Levi’s, with the moon, the stars, the sky as his witness. _Don’t say those things to me,_ he wanted to say. But he beat it all back, he felt the longing pulsing in his veins, let it beat against the walls of his heart and kept it confined and caged where it belonged.

“I don’t know if I’m grateful or not,” Eren said. “But I’ll do my best with the power I’ve been given.”

“We’ve both been given grave responsibility,” Levi said. “Eren, yours even greater than mine. What I’m trying to say is, I’m sorry you have to carry that kind of burden too.”

“At least I don’t have to go to the other world alone.”

“I suppose that’s something.” The corner of Levi's mouth quirked up into a smile.   

“Did you--” Eren started, unsure of how to finish his question. What exactly he wanted Levi to tell him. He wanted to know what Levi had thought of the other world. But what an odd thing to ask. “What else happened when you were there?”  

Eren studied Levi’s profile, his face still angled towards the sky. He wasn’t sure if he imagined Levi’s jaw tightening or not.

He didn’t reply for awhile; Eren thought he was going to ignore the question altogether.

But then: “I saw someone I used to know.”  

“Who?”

“An old friend. One I haven’t seen for a long time.”

The way Levi said it, Eren knew what he meant. Though he’d seen the pictures of his squad, he hadn’t met anyone there that he’d lost here.

Levi didn’t look like he wanted to discuss it further, so instead Eren blurted out, “Did you know that there, Mikasa’s _your_ sister too?”

“How does that work?”

“Eren’s family adopted her, same as for us. But you two have the same father.”

“Have you told Mikasa this information?”

“No.”

It was hard to tell from this angle, but Eren could have sworn Levi was trying not to laugh. “You should. I wonder which she’ll hate more, that or being married to Jean.”

Surprised, Eren grinned. “I don’t know. I think she likes you more than she lets on.”

Levi hummed in acknowledgement. “I’ve always assumed we’re distant cousins.”

“Do you think it could be the same here? That you’re siblings?” The thought hadn’t occurred to him before, but an odd feeling crept through him.

Levi shook his head. “Doubtful. Just another quirk of that world.”

Was that what Levi thought about the relationship their counterparts had? That it was just a quirk? Eren winced at the thought, but if Levi noticed he didn’t comment.  

“I want to go back,” Eren said quietly, not looking at Levi. “I didn’t feel that way in the past, but I do now.”

Levi did turn to him then, grey eyes appraising. “Why?”

“Even though I don’t understand it, how any of it’s possible, it’s the future I’m fighting for.”  

Levi gave a tight nod. “Tomorrow when you’re running through your experiments, hold onto that feeling. Whatever it takes to motivate you.”

“I’ll do my best.”

Landing gracefully as he hopped down from the ledge, Levi said, “You should get some sleep. Hanji’ll want you ready at the ass crack of dawn.”

“I think I’ll stay here a little longer,” Eren said, and Levi didn’t argue. “You should get some rest tonight too.”

Mikasa hadn’t slept much when she’d first come to live with the Jaegers. Many nights, Eren would stay awake later than he would have liked just to keep her company. Maybe one day, if they really became friends, he could do the same for Levi.

“We’ll see.”  

As Levi began heading towards the staircase, Eren called after him, “Goodnight, Captain.”

Pausing at the top of the steps, Levi said in a low voice, “You can just call me Levi when we’re off-duty.”

Eren’s heart hammered in his chest. “Goodnight, _Levi_ ,” he amended.

To say his name now, with intent, felt like he was making a promise. _You’re worth more to me than your rank, your title, your strength, your body. I’m here for_ you _. I’m still here._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh next chapter some plotty shit is GONNA GO DOWN WHAT WHATTTTT!
> 
> Thank you so much to all of you who take the time to leave kudos and comments, you are so so wonderful! It is really encouraging and inspiring
> 
> Thank you to my wonderful betas <3
> 
> Also I have a [ko-fi now if you're so inclined](https://ko-fi.com/E1E3B70L)


	16. Chapter 16

For the next few days, Eren repeated Levi’s name in his thoughts again and again like a small, secret mantra. Love may not have been in the cards for them, but he was starting to believe that Levi did care about him. _You can just call me Levi when we’re off-duty._ He replayed that moment through chores and training, through their return back to headquarters and away from Mitras until it was time for Eren to try to send himself and Levi to the other world.

Eren endured Levi’s scathing looks as he grabbed his arm again and again until finally, the goal came through, clear as day in his frustration: _I want you to go to the other fucking world so you stop looking at me that way._ The last time he’d sent Levi, it had been a much purer, selfless goal, but at least this had worked.

“You better not get us both trapped here,” Levi snapped when Eren joined him. It had been a gruelling transformation, another partial Titan form generating as Eren had worn himself out sending Levi. He still didn’t know how to send _himself_ without a transformation--and Historia had not been there to try to touch his arm again--something in his brain just couldn’t quite connect without his body shifting.

“I won’t,” Eren replied hotly, offended at the doubt. “I’ll go back and then pull you back like I did before. It worked to send us here, didn’t it?”

Levi grunted, still looking doubtful.

Eren looked around to get his bearings; this time they weren’t at the house but at a restaurant, their seat reminding Eren of the inside of the carriage. The room was more spacious than anything he’d seen even around Mitras. Most of the tables were filled with people loudly chatting and laughing.

It was so strange and beautiful seeing Levi here like this. Though he and his counterpart looked nearly identical, Eren noticed the difference in their expressions, something behind the eyes. The feelings he had for his own Levi had never been transferred to the other, but now for the first time he felt that longing again.

The guilt of taking over the other Eren and Levi’s bodies still ate at him, but he was grateful to be here with Levi. That he didn’t have to be here alone anymore. That he could observe Levi in this life, witnessing all it had to offer.

Levi noticed the scrutiny and raised an eyebrow at him. Eren scrambled for something to say. “Where are we anyway? And what were they eating?”  

“It looks disgusting.” Levi eyed brown, oval-shaped food on the plate in front of him.  

“You should taste it.” Eren felt brave and a bit mischievous now that they were, quite literally, a world away from HQ.

“Fuck off.”

There wasn’t any bite behind Levi’s words, and Eren grinned. “I’m serious.”

Wearing a look of disdain, Levi lifted a fork and poked the food with it. It seemed almost bouncy, and Levi’s scowl deepened as he pulled back. “I wouldn’t touch it with a ten foot pole.”

“You just touched it with a fork,” Eren pointed out.

Levi snorted. “Alright. If you’re so brave, you try it.”

Eren reached for one of the brown ovals and gingerly took a bite from the side. “Holy shit,” he said as a salty, cheesy flavor hit his tongue. “It’s incredible.”

Levi crossed his arms. “You’re fucking with me.”  

“I’m not!”

With a noise of frustration and defeat, Levi reached for one as well and took a bite from the side too. He blinked at Eren. “Shit. This _is_ good.”

They both laughed, disbelieving, pleased. For a minute it was easy to forget that they were here to find answers, to find _something_. Being here with Levi made it hard not to wonder about the possibility of a life away from war and Titans, a place where they could share a meal and a laugh together.

Eren was about to ask Levi whether he’d ever tasted anything like this before when Hanji appeared beside the table, looking frazzled. “Why are you two eating your mozzarella sticks like that?”  

“Our what?” Eren frowned, then said, “It’s the other Eren and Levi, by the way.” Though he’d already called Levi by his name, it still sent a little thrill through him to do it again. Levi didn’t seem to have noticed.

“I’m not even surprised. There’s no way my Eren wouldn’t know what those were.” Hanji took a seat across from Eren and grabbed one of the mozzarella sticks. “Eat it like this.” She demonstrated for them, taking a bite from the top, the gooey cheese stretching taut.

The scowl was back on Levi’s face. “Disgusting,” he said, while Eren mimicked Hanji’s technique. Eren’s taste buds had never been happier. She smiled, but the expression didn’t quite reach her eyes. It made Eren uneasy.  

Hanji licked her fingers clean. “We’ve been waiting for you to show up.”

“We’re on schedule this time,” Eren said, a hint of pride in his voice.

She nodded, still seeming more subdued than she had on previous occasions. “It’s good you are. Finish up your food. There’s someone you need to meet, and I’m here to make sure you get to her.”

Levi and Eren exchanged wary looks and did as they were told.

 

 

 

They drove for about twenty minutes. Eren had to close his eyes at one point because he was starting to feel sick in the backseat as the unfamiliar world flew by.

“This is it,” Hanji announced, stopping the car neatly between white painted lines in the middle of a wide, black space. A cluster of small, low-level buildings surrounded them, bleak and morose against the grey sky.  

“Who are we here to see?” It was the second time Levi had asked; Hanji had been evasive when they’d first followed her to her car, and from the look on her face, it didn’t seem like that was about to change.  

She shook her head. “I think it’ll just be easier if you see for yourself.”

“Are you coming in with us?”

“If you want me to. It’s really just you she wants to see, Eren. But I think she’ll probably let Levi and me stay.”

“I'm going,” Levi said, unbuckling his seatbelt.

They stepped out of the car, following Hanji around the shops and down an alley so narrow they had to walk in single file like school children. Hanji stopped in front of a nondescript shop, _Frieda’s Fortunes._

That name. He knew that name. His father’s memories flashed through his mind, lightning quick, sending a full body shiver through him.

“You okay?” Levi looked at him quizzically, and Hanji peered over Levi's shoulder with a concerned frown. “You look like you just shit yourself." 

“I’m fine,” Eren said, shaking himself. Maybe it was just a name. “Let’s go in.”

The small shop was dimly lit, candles flickering around the room, and the air was thick with the smell of incense. Jars of oil, herbs and spices lined the wooden shelves.

A tiny girl with long blonde hair stood with her back to Eren. He knew exactly who she was.

“Historia!” He hadn’t meant to speak so loudly, in fact he hadn’t meant to speak at all, and she turned with a start.

“Oh, hello. Have we met before?” She gave a polite, puzzled smile.

“No...I just--”

Her expression shifted to one of understanding. “You must be Frieda’s afternoon session! I didn’t know there were going to be three of you, but there should be enough space back there. It might cost a bit extra, though.”

“That’s fine,” Hanji said.

Historia led them to the room. “Frieda asked me to mind the shop while you’re having your session. Good luck, and try to relax. Things can get a little intense.”

“Thank you,” Levi said curtly as Historia let them inside.

Eren drew back when he saw the dark-haired woman sitting at the table, his whole body frozen.  

“It’s you,” he said. It _was_ the woman from his father's memories. Historia’s sister, the one who’d held the power of the Founding Titan. Hanji and Levi turned to Eren in surprise.

Frieda smiled. “Please come in. Have a seat.”

They took a seat next to one another at a table with three small candles in the center. Eren recognised the smell of lavender as soon as he'd entered, taking him back to his childhood when patients came to their house. Lavender was meant to soothe them, but it was anything but soothing now.

Eren stared dumbly at Frieda, clasping his hands in his lap to stop them from shaking.

“Thank you all for coming. Especially you, Eren. I know how unsettling it must be for you, away from your own life, and I’m glad we were able to find each other.”

His mind raced along with his pulse. How did she know which Eren he was? How did she know this wasn’t his life?

He gaped, not even sure where to begin with his questions. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed Levi watching him carefully while Hanji’s eyes remained fixed on Frieda. “How do you...” Eren couldn’t finish, his mind couldn’t settle on where to start.

Frieda seemed to understand. Her eyes and voice were gentle as she spoke. “I remember what it was to hold the power of the Founding Titan,” she said. “I remember a lot of things about my previous life, and I’ve helped others remember too.”

This didn’t make any sense to Eren. “If you can remember what happened, if you have ways to help people remember what happened, why didn’t Historia recognise us?”

Frieda's smile faded. “I’m afraid I haven’t revealed this...skill to Historia. She believes my practices are purely therapeutic. Given what I recall of her life, I’d like to keep it that way for her.”

Levi crossed his arms as he shifted away from the table, his chair scraping against the floor. Eren had seen it before, in meetings he didn’t want to be part of. “Shouldn’t that be her choice?” Levi asked.

“Perhaps.”

Levi narrowed his eyes, but didn’t say anything more. Eren’s gut churned as he tried to process this new information.

“Does that mean that you could help anyone remember?” Hanji asked.

“I’m not sure about _anyone_ ,” Frieda said, turning to face Hanji. “All the people I’ve been able to help had some link to their previous life already. Nightmares, dreams, sometimes even hallucinations.”

“I’ve been having nightmares,” Hanji admitted, expression dark. “I’d had a few back in college, but until all of this started happening--” she motioned between Eren and Levi “--I hadn’t had them for years.”

Frieda nodded slowly. “It’s a long process, but yes, I could probably help you remember if that’s what you want.”

“Would you want that?” Eren asked. He imagined if this Hanji was like the one he knew, curiosity would probably get the better of her. Would his own counterpart want that?

Levi remained silent, but his eyes flicked to Hanji and Eren, expression unreadable. 

“Maybe. I’m not sure yet,” Hanji answered.

“It sounds like a shitty idea,” Levi said, and Hanji didn’t argue.

“Wait...if Hanji could remember _our_ lives,” Eren began, gesturing between himself and Levi, “does that mean this is our future?” A strange, tingling sensation crept up his spine towards the base of his neck. This body didn’t hold the power of the Founding Titan, but something had still connected them.

“This is one possible future,” Frieda corrected. Levi’s eyes widened infinitesimally while Hanji gave a sharp gasp.

Eren scrubbed a hand over his face, his head beginning to throb. It reminded him of the low ache he’d felt when memories had come back to him before. Something clicked into place to him. “Is that why I’ve been coming to this world?”

“Yes,” Frieda confirmed. “A choice will present itself to you here, Eren. One with consequences you’ll take with you back to your place on your current path. I myself was able to see many other paths, and I made a choice that would continue us down this specific path.”

It was Levi who spoke next. “What was the choice you made?”

“I believe it was when Eren’s father came for me. I could have killed him, but I didn’t.” Her eyes moved from Levi’s to Eren’s. “Every choice has its consequences, Eren. You should know that by now. They may not be felt right away, but rest assured, there is no perfect path.”

Frieda continued, “Whatever choice you’ll need to make, once you do, you’ll no longer be able to come here. This path will be closed to you. I don’t know if another will appear before you since you can’t access the full powers of the Founding Titan.”  

That didn’t surprise Eren. What surprised him was that a path - a future - like this existed at all. He couldn’t hear the warning, only the promise as hope consumed him.

“Are you saying that this--this is _my_ possible future.” He glanced at Levi. _Our_ _possible future_?Levi met his eyes, and Eren wished he knew what he was thinking.

“Yes,” Frieda said. “You were reborn here, and if you want to remember all of your previous life, that choice could be yours someday too. This future is your second chance, Eren. A gift from whatever gods there are for holding this power.”

“I thought it was a curse.” Hadn’t that been the story of the Founding Titan in one of the modern history books their counterparts had found? The deal made with Ymir.

The corner of her lip quirked up, not quite a smile, not quite a grimace. “Two sides to every coin, I suppose.”  

Hanji, who had been listening raptly as they spoke around her, joined in. “Do you know what Eren’s choice is?”

“I have an inkling.” Frieda leaned forward, hands clasped together on the table. “His friend Annie found me. She was plagued by terrible, vivid dreams. I’ve been helping her recall threads of her past.”

Levi’s eyes narrowed, but otherwise his expression remained neutral. “What did she tell you?”

Frieda glanced at him as though she’d forgotten he was there, before her eyes snapped back to Eren’s. “She said if you ever came to me to tell you that she’s sorry and to give you her contact information. That is, if you’d like her help.”   

“I don’t want her fucking help.” Heat rose to Eren’s face. Their faces flashed through his mind: Petra, Oluo, Gunter, Eld. He didn’t know if he meant his harsh words, though, not really. He’d never wanted to believe in Annie’s betrayal, her mysterious reasons haunted him.

“Eren,” Levi said, snapping Eren out of his furious haze. “Think about this rationally.”

The color began to drain from his cheeks, the fire dying out as quickly as it had flared up. Hurt quickly took its place as Eren said more quietly, “How could we possibly trust what she has to tell us?”

“She’s not the same Annie. We should at least hear her out.”

Eren’s shoulders sagged. “Yeah. I guess you’re right.”  

“Eren.” Frieda’s voice was soft, sympathetic as she said, “I know how hard it can be to decide. Even if you know exactly what sacrifices you’ll have to make, it’s not easy. But if you can, put your personal fear and anger aside and try to make the decision you think is right.”

“How did you know?” Eren suddenly found himself blinking back frustrated tears. “How did you know that letting my father eat you was the right decision?”

“I knew that if I didn’t, nothing would ever change. I wasn’t strong enough to change humanity’s fate on my own.”

“But you transformed. You _fought_ him.” He recalled what Rod Reiss had said, that Frieda hadn’t been experienced enough to wield her full power.

“I did. And I fought against myself too. My instincts were to hold onto that power, to my life.”

He sat with that answer, unsure of what else to say. A hush fell over the room, the only sound coming from outside the office where they could hear Historia ringing up someone at the till. Eren could feel Levi’s eyes on him before their gazes met. _He looks as tired as I feel,_ Eren thought.

Hanij was the first to speak. “Whatever Eren chooses, that could change our lives now?”

“Yes,” Frieda confirmed.

No one said a word. After a minute, Levi put a hand on Eren’s shoulder. “We should go.”

Levi and Hanji left the room first, but Eren paused. “Say I do choose this future. How will I know I made the choice that leads us here?”

“You may never know.” Her voice sounded almost apologetic, but it was hard for Eren to tell.

Eren searched her face, something twisting in his stomach. He wondered if the other Eren was listening now; what he thought of all of this. “Unless one day I get my memories back like you did?”

She nodded.

Something occurred to Eren then, something that made his heart go cold in his chest. “You said you’d been waiting to meet me. How did you know who I was?”

Frieda tilted her head at him, her dark hair falling over one side of her shoulder. “Annie. She remembered who you were. When she told me you had inherited the power of the Founding Titan during one of our sessions, I had a feeling I might meet you. She showed me pictures of the people she remembered.”

“If I do decide to talk to Annie, how will I find her?”

“I know how to contact your…”

“The other Eren.”

She gave a thin smile. “The other Eren. I’ll give him her details, and you can decide.”

“Right.” Eren turned to leave, but paused in the doorway. “Thank you for meeting with us, Frieda.”

“I should be thanking you,” she said. “And Eren, when you do face your choice, please don’t wait too long to decide. Your inaction in itself might decide for you.”

Eren thought of the inevitable return to Shiganshina, the risk they faced. As much as he trusted Commander Erwin, Levi, Hanji and the other squad leaders, this would likely be the most dangerous battle they’d faced yet. Their enemies were expecting them, almost certainly with a trap.

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A million thank yous to Heidi and SJ for reading this chapter like 600 times. And to Sanya and Nadine for giving me reader feedback <3 It means so much. 
> 
> And thank you to everyone commenting and supporting this fic. You're all amazing! I appreciate every comment/kudo/reblog <3
> 
> If you fancy, [you can buy me a coffee](https://ko-fi.com/E1E3B70L)
> 
> Tracking this fic on tumblr fic: Difficult to Know


End file.
